AIBU to think you don't keep a child awake just so they can see their siblings?

[TiredBabe]

We have DSC 50:50. EOW but during the week the other.

When they stay during the week they don't really get to see our toddler as they have hobbies on most evenings and by the time they get home our child is in bed and then in the morning it's up and out to school.

My husband thinks I should keep our toddler up an extra half an hour in the evenings so DSC can 'say hello', AIBU to say absolutely bloody not.

He's cranky and ready for bed by 7:15ish so we have milk and a story and he's asleep by 7:30. DSC tend to get home around the time he's put into bed so we are upstairs when they come in.

I work part time so spend most of my time with our DC so I know when he's getting too tired and when he needs to go to sleep.

I’ve never kept our DC up to see DSD when she arrives after bedtime; it would just make my DC cranky and harder to get down which isn’t nice for them and to literally just say hello I don’t see the point

Absolutely not.

My husband thinks I should keep our toddler up an extra half an hour in the evenings so DSC can 'say hello', AIBU to say absolutely bloody not.

And he will be the one doing the later bedtime, alone? He will deal with the crankiness and tantrums? He will manage the three of them? He will get the toddler up in the morning? I might think about it.

If he plans to keep the toddler up but you deal with every consequence he can indeed bugger off.

Nope - don't do it.

He can see his half-siblings in the morning when he wakes up nice and early.

In fact encourage your LO to wake them up instead of you.

More Disney nonsense. Presumably your toddler would get excited at seeing them and want to stay up, so it’s not like it’s a sleep pay hello then off to bed.

Routine is crucial for toddlers and they don’t need it disrupted regularly.

Great idea from @RedWingBoots that they can all see each other in the morning.

My toddler is like a crack addict waiting for her next fix when tired. Hyper to screaming on off and then often when over tired refuses to sleep 😵‍💫

It's a no from me and DSD would think I was quite bonkers for suggesting it.

If he’s so bothered he’ll get the DSC to finish their activities half and hour early?

Or is it only the toddler and you who have to be put out?

He’s being ridiculous. Tell him so. Idiot.

Normally I’d agree with you but your bedtime is on the early side at 7:15 and he’s only asking you to shift the schedule by a measly half an hour. I’d do it if I were in your position. Just shift it by 15mins for a week, then 15mins another week and your toddler will be adapted and fine with going to bed around 7:45 or even 8pm. Which is not late for a toddler. It’s important that siblings get to see each other so they can develop that brother/sister relationship. It’s more of a priority than keeping bedtime to what you have become used to/habitual.

It's obviously not your husband who has to do bedtime. Absolutely not.

When I saw the title of this thread I was expecting it to be til midnight or something!

If half an hour genuinely makes a big difference then obviously don't do it but I feel like maybe there's something else going on here that's the real issue. Does your dp generally think his routine with his children trumps your child's routine and this is just another thing you're being expected to fall in line with?

8pm isn’t late for a toddler?

bloody is in this house! Mine’s in bed for 6.30, otherwise we live with a screaming unhappy child.

No. Soon enough bedtime will become a little later anyway, and keeping them up will only lead to them becoming overtired and naggy. I wouldn't do it, there's plenty of time for sibling bonding. Do they spend any weekends with you?

why does he feel the need for this? It seems to be of precisely NO benefit to the toddler to have their routine disrupted or changed to ‘say hello’ to older half siblings.

My toddler is in the bath at 630pm then stories and milk and is asleep by 7-7:15. There's no way I'd keep him up any longer on a regular basis. He's tired, grumpy and Toddlers are hard going and I don't know about anyone else but I need my evenings to relax. Why keep him up, it's not just simply half hour. They'd come in then say hello, then have a play and get all hyper again and then they need to wind down.
Tell him that on one of the nights perhaps they shouldn't do their hobby so they can come home and see your DC for the evening if he's that bothered! Unfortunately that's life of siblings. It won't always be this way and tbh whether they half siblings or full siblings they all need their routine and what's best for them individually 🤷🏻‍♀️

Absolutely not. The queen isn't visiting 😂😂
Normal bedtime routine continues and DSC would fit into the normal family routine.

Do the DSC want to see the toddler? I imagine time with just dad and you is a nice treat, they have their sibling at weekends. This will change as they get older of course because your toddler won't be a toddler for long.

Of course not, your toddler is going to bed when he needs to, he is not his step siblings' entertainment. We always had early bedtimes with our kids, it worked well for both kids and parents.

I had one child where this might have just been possible as a one off. Maybe. Depending on their mood.

I had another where this would have never been possible, at all, ever. Just absolutely not. Never ever happening. No.

I think the problem here is that it isn't all the time. Toddlers need consistency in homes with permenant toddlers and teens or pre-teens the toddlers do tend to "run late", often being dragged to swimming/judo/whatever then having either a lie in or a mega-nap to catch up. It can work but not for one night only.

They do yes and will sometimes sulk a tiny bit when they get back that they haven't seen him but tbh I don't really care too much about that, my main concern is getting him to sleep when he needs to.

He has a long day on these days, he's in nursery from 8-6 when I work, he's absolutely wiped by this point.

I don't see why I need to push his bedtime or change his routine to suit his siblings. They aren't royalty. Surely they should just fit into normal life like every other family. How about instead I suggest they quit a hobby and then they can see him? I'm sure that would be a no! I don't see what the difference is.

He's 18 months so I don't think 7:30 is hugely early.

he is not his step siblings' entertainment

This is how I feel. He's not a performing monkey ffs. He's a little boy who's very tired and wants to go to sleep.

Hmmm mine is in bed by 7 and sleeps until 6.30-7am so 7.45 is actually really late and he’s get what I call “hyper tired” and be an emotional wreck. Most toddlers need 12 hours and 7.45 is generally when you need to leave for an 8am nursery drop so I’d say 7.45 is late for a typical toddler.

Also the excitement would stop him going to sleep altogether. He wouldn’t say hello then trot off to bed.

i like him to go to bed at 7. I get out and run and go on my bike so it would mess my routine up to keep him up routinely until 7.45 too. Maybe it’s the same for the OP? Your post is another assuming the only thing our worlds revolve around is our SC.

It’s important that siblings get to see each other so they can develop that brother/sister relationship

If they quit one of their hobbies they could spend the whole evening together. Thanks, I'll suggest it considering it's so important for them to develop that relationship.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

it's not just the half an hour until they get home is it? He's not going to want to go bed when he knows they're there, he's going to want to play!

toddler doesn't know, if the DSC care that much then they'll have to give up one activity & come straight home one night after school.

Can your OH not ensure they are home an hour earlier instead OP?