AIBU to think you don't keep a child awake just so they can see their siblings?

[TiredBabe]

We have DSC 50:50. EOW but during the week the other.

When they stay during the week they don't really get to see our toddler as they have hobbies on most evenings and by the time they get home our child is in bed and then in the morning it's up and out to school.

My husband thinks I should keep our toddler up an extra half an hour in the evenings so DSC can 'say hello', AIBU to say absolutely bloody not.

He's cranky and ready for bed by 7:15ish so we have milk and a story and he's asleep by 7:30. DSC tend to get home around the time he's put into bed so we are upstairs when they come in.

I work part time so spend most of my time with our DC so I know when he's getting too tired and when he needs to go to sleep.

The majority of replies seem to be that I'm not being unreasonable, therefore I've accepted I'm not being unreasonable. Isn't that how AIBU works? (Not that this is AIBU).

Well, some of the children. It doesn't benefit the toddler in any way shape or form, does it?

Op I wouldn't do it.

OP, you're not being unreasonable

Sorry that posted too soon

The rest of my point was that while you're entirely right about your toddler's bedtime, I too noticed the tone about your SC. You don't seem particularly enamoured, which is a shame.

I wonder why?

Its probably hard to be totally enamoured with children who are clearly well above you and your own child in the pecking order and a DH who makes it clear where his priorities lie isn't it?

Its a shame he has created this weird two tier family situation. Ops reaction is entirely normal, really.

You don't seem particularly enamoured, which is a shame.

What are you basing that on? I've not said anything about them? This is precisely zero to do with my relationship with DSC. We actually get on really well.

I just don't see the logic that it doesn't benefit the toddler in 'any way shape or form'. I think it does benefit the toddler, possibly more than it benefits anyone else. The step-siblings already have each other. I think we will have to agree to disagree though as I can see most others think it is a terrible thing to change a child's routine.

You wouldn't do this if was a biological sibling and parents would seem bonkers suggesting it. That is treating step children as normal members of the family.

I'm not saying OP should keep the toddler up but in most families I know the younger ones just have to slot in with family life, I've had to take tired little ones out to pick up their older siblings many times.
It would be a quick way to breed resentment if the big ones have to give everything up once the baby arrives. In turn the little ones usually get away with things the older ones wouldn't. It's just family life.

I do understand this. But I think in many of those cases if you didn't HAVE to do that, people wouldn't do it. I.e. if you had a parent at home who could put the young one to bed whilst you picked up the others, that's what most people would do.

How does it benefit them? If they are anything like my toddler the moment they see the DSC after not seeing them for a bit they get overly stimulated by the DSC making a massive fuss just as they were winding down and then take ages to get to sleep as they are over tired and then I have to wake them before they are ready the next day.

How many days in the week do you have the DSC? If you work part time are these always on the DSC days? How many days does you DS have from 8 - 6? If your DS could have some bonding time at teatime before the DSC hobbies then fine to be rigid about bedtime.

That's the point. You've barely mentioned them & you made snippy comments about them giving up an activity.

As a PP said perhaps it's due to the family dynamic created by your DH. Only makes me glad I have never, nor have my DC, been in a SC scenario. (I'm a single parent w 3 DC).

Why would she mention them in great detail though? The issue isn't about them, it's about the DC's bedtime.

I work the days DSC stay in the week. I pick DS up at 6 on my way home as DH has already left by then to take DSC to hobbies.

We don't have tea together on those days, DH has it with DSC before their hobbies, DS has it at nursery and I have it when I get home.

Do Stepparents have to start every post with my "DSC who I love very much and am fond of and are a big part of my life"

So obviously tiredness is a disadvantage and if they were so tired it affected them then maybe it wouldn't be worth it. But it doesn't feel like it needs explaining that there are benefits too. Like, if you didn't see your siblings from one weekend to a fortnight later you would have a very different relationship with them to if you saw them several times a week? The toddler benefits more than the older children (in my eyes) because they are already a sibling unit and see each other all the time.

Seriously don't sweat it. Don't change your life and working hours or your DC's nursery time in order to create some bonding time. No one does this in family's without step children. It will happen naturally when you have them in holidays etc. Forcing changes will breed resentment.

That's the point. You've barely mentioned them

The thread isn't really about them, it's about DH asking me to change our sons bedtime. Why would I need to overly mention DSC?

If you read my posts I haven't exactly expressed endless lovey stuff about my son either other than to be factual about him and how he'd be if he were tired. Do you assume I don't care about my son because I haven't gone OTT talking about him?

Definitely do not keep toddler up. It’s not ‘just half an hour’. You know your child, you know what sleep they need. Don’t disrupt a routine that’s working

And it will change anyway as they get older. Seriously your DH is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Deffo not. Sack that!

Great, if that works for you and your family go for it.

This particular child, who I'm guessing the OP knows better than anyone else here, would not be able to cope with being kept up. His need for sleep far outweighs his dad/siblings wanting him kept awake.

I'm the same as a PP, one of mine could handle late nights, lack of routine and even now at 19 manages on little sleep. The others, nope. They needed to be in bed by or certain time or they just couldn't cope and the 16yo still needs his 8 hours or he's like an angry bear. At 18m he was in bed 6:30pm-6:30am, and if he wasn't lord help us all. The only fortunate thing it didn't have to be his bed, he could sleep in his buggy/car seat so I was able to stay out past 6:30 if we had plans/special events.

Would have been interesting to see the response has the OP posted this from a different angle.

Totally different scenario.

🤨

It benefits the tired toddler to stay up, probably getting upset/frustrated to grump at older siblings because all they want to do is go to sleep.

Please do explain exactly how it benefits the toddler to be forced to stay awake when he wants to go to sleep? Do you honestly believe there will be any quality in the time spent with his siblings?

That's the point. You've barely mentioned them

OP has listed the details relevant to the post. All we know about her son is his age and gender.