AIBU to think you don't keep a child awake just so they can see their siblings?

[TiredBabe]

We have DSC 50:50. EOW but during the week the other.

When they stay during the week they don't really get to see our toddler as they have hobbies on most evenings and by the time they get home our child is in bed and then in the morning it's up and out to school.

My husband thinks I should keep our toddler up an extra half an hour in the evenings so DSC can 'say hello', AIBU to say absolutely bloody not.

He's cranky and ready for bed by 7:15ish so we have milk and a story and he's asleep by 7:30. DSC tend to get home around the time he's put into bed so we are upstairs when they come in.

I work part time so spend most of my time with our DC so I know when he's getting too tired and when he needs to go to sleep.

Yup he's a dick

Your toddler going to bed, having a routine, and needing to sleep trumps DSC seeing them.

What if after seeing DSC, DC then doesn’t want to go to bed because they’re now overexcited? That won’t be fair on toddler DC and won’t be fair on OP.
OP will most likely be the one dealing with a disrupted bedtime while DH chills downstairs with his older children. 🙄

It’s not clear why you are complaining about discussion between step parents on a step parenting thread @ColouringPencils It’s not about ‘closing ranks’, it’s about empathy from those in similar circs.

Non-SM perspectives are welcome but ‘you must do x’ type posts are less helpful.

I haven't said the OP must do anything, she can do what she likes. Maybe I thought she was looking for solutions when she just wanted some sympathy so I will back out. I find it a bit odd that any kind of solutions are met by others on this board as almost an act of aggression. It's not mad or complex to suggest a man picks his own kid from nursery. We all know the child would rather finish at 4 or whatever than 6, which is a long day for a toddler. Many of us have to do it because there is no alternative, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Thanks for the suggestions re letting DH pick up DS and me then getting him from the hobby. There are a couple of reasons why we don't do this.

DS's nursery is not nearby to DHs work, he is limited for time as it is as he finishes at half 4, gets DSC from after school club and then home, sorts their tea and back out.

DSCs hobby are in the opposite direction so I'd need to go from work, past my house for another 15 mins and then onto where the club is.

Also as PP says, we pay a lot of money for nursery so it makes sense for him to eat there if we are paying for it.

DS would have more fun at nursery than sat at DSCs clubs/in the car too.

Why would you be annoyed at your husband not dragging a tired toddler to an activity they couldn't participate in?

Why wouldn't you want what's actually better for the child?

Because they're not solutions at all! You're just suggesting other ways in which to fuck up a tired toddlers routine.

Catford I find your visceral responses really quite strange. They are possible solutions and the OP has just explained why they wouldn't work for them. To say I don't want what's best for the child is pretty mad. I am trying to leave this thread so can you not @ me please.

If you don't want responses then don't post!

They're not solutions to the actual problem at hand are they!

There were very few things I'd have kept a toddler awake for- a one off wedding/ event yes but not to see someone who they will see next day or later that week.

I agree. You can easily push bedtime back and the baby will hardly notice. Becoming accustomed to his siblings is a great big bonus.

Have you ever met a baby @SammyScrounge ?

He sees his siblings on a weekend. Or did you mean, becoming accustomed to being lowest in the pecking order?

yanbu. My 18 month old is in bed for 7, any later and she goes insane, especially on days where she’s at nursery. I don’t keep her up on the days her dad is home late from work so he can see her, it isn’t fair. I wouldn’t do it for her sibling either.

@Catfordthefifth the rule on the step-parenting forum is that the children in the first family come first. Doesn't matter if it screws up the life and life chances of the other children. 🙄

All I can say is

1. The DC would not get “over excited” if he started seeing his siblings every day. They’d actually you know start to feel like siblings and be pretty calm around each other. The older ones can always read the bedtime story or something. You don’t have to make the interaction play time FFS. That’s what my DC did for younger cousins and they have a great relationship.
2. Don’t even think about going abroad on holiday if a half hour shift in bedtime is such an earth shattering cruel horrible thing to do to your DC as it would be oh so horrible to even contemplate the horrors of 1-3hrs jet lag going to mainland Europe. (You do realise bedtime will get later anyway as he gets older? You can’t get them to sleep by 7:15 for much past age 3 anyway).

Oh yes, a half hour shift in bedtime absolutely will ruin the DCs life chances. No chance of getting to Oxbridge with a bedtime past 7:15.

The DC would not get “over excited” if he started seeing his siblings every day. They’d actually you know start to feel like siblings and be pretty calm around each other

Rubbish. My child gets overexcited to see my husband when he comes home from work whom he sees every single day.

He gets excited if I come in from being at the gym or out with friends.

DSC are different in that they can't be there everyday no matter how much you try and accommodate time together so they are always going to be a bit of an excitement whether or not it's 50:50 or EOW.

When my son was that age his dad was out of the house for 13 hours a day do he came home at or just after bedtime. If DS saw him having not seen him all day he would get wound up and it would result in 2 hour bed times with a screaming child who would then get over tired and scream more. Plus would be up more during the night and would wake up knackered and cranky.
I tried shifting bed time but didn't work as the he would once again get over tired.
The same would apply to a toddler that age with anyone they love including siblings that they see regularly.

Not all children are the same so your assumption that it's best for this child is just that an assumption.

I do agree with your point that children's bedtimes shift as they age so you are correct that in a year or so this will become a mute point but for now fucking with a routine that is working for the toddler is not in their best interests.

Also your point about holidays is ridiculous there is a difference between keeping a child up 2-3 nights a week when they will probably have nursery the next day vs a once a year holiday.

You do realise bedtime will get later anyway as he gets older? You can’t get them to sleep by 7:15 for much past age 3 anyway

So what's the problem then? When he's older they'll see him more as his bedtime naturally changes. No need to force it now when he needs the sleep.

A one week holiday a year (where you know, they can still go to bed on time and won't have full days of nursery) is not comparable to what the ops husband is suggesting.

Don't be so ridiculous. Why should the toddlers routine get disturbed for something that won't benefit him at all?

All I can say is

1. Hahaha my LO is overly excited when anyone leaves the room for 10 minutes and pops back in!!

1. Like you say bedtime will shift as they get older so OP's DH can chill out.

Or maybe the DH could pick his son up from nursery as well as his older kids and actually facilitate them having time together himself!

He's a cheeky fucker for leaving him in nursery while he Disney dads the older ones and somehow trying to make YOU feel guilty for it.

Fuck that.

What mad post. Work is rarely optional. And surely the need to have 2 wages is actually increased because of the blended family.

If OP and her husband only had one child, they could have a smaller home but with the DSC's I'm assuming there's at least an extra bedroom. Even if the father pays all of the expenses for his first children, OP will by default be contributing via mortgage, heating etc for a larger home. She's not complaining about this, but having a job and small child is knackering and all she is asking for is some peace in the evening. She knows that will change as her DC gets older.

All the kids are fine, they're out doing hobbies. If they were full siblings, the little one would still be in bed when they get home. They'll see him in the morning and at the weekend. OP's husband is being unreasonable.

OP I hope you have some wine chilling for this evening.

Nope.

1. My two little ones still go mad when their older siblings come home, even the two they live with full time, and when they were toddlers they'd go absolutely nuts at the arrival of the big kids home from school, every day.

2. Yes children do go to bed later as they get older because their level of sleep required changes. Some children continue to need early nights, while others cope with less sleep. OP's child is still in the requires lots of sleep category and until he's ready for that to change it shouldn't.

That is the most ridiculous thing ive ever heard