AIBU to think you don't keep a child awake just so they can see their siblings?

[TiredBabe]

We have DSC 50:50. EOW but during the week the other.

When they stay during the week they don't really get to see our toddler as they have hobbies on most evenings and by the time they get home our child is in bed and then in the morning it's up and out to school.

My husband thinks I should keep our toddler up an extra half an hour in the evenings so DSC can 'say hello', AIBU to say absolutely bloody not.

He's cranky and ready for bed by 7:15ish so we have milk and a story and he's asleep by 7:30. DSC tend to get home around the time he's put into bed so we are upstairs when they come in.

I work part time so spend most of my time with our DC so I know when he's getting too tired and when he needs to go to sleep.

Maybe it’s the same for the OP?

Yes I like to do things myself in the evenings as well.

Don't know, I would probably have done it, but then I was pretty relaxed about bedtimes. It's good to be a bit flexible and teach children to be flexible, I think. It's not about your step-children being royalty (weird), but about all the children developing their own relationship as siblings.

@TiredBabe

his bedtime is NOT early for a toddler in the U.K. it's perfectly normal!! Indeed many are in bed at 6:30.

if the DSC are old enough to not be getting home from after school activities until 7:30, they're old enough to understand he's little & needs his sleep.

though to be fair, it sounds like Disney Dad is the only one that doesn't understand this!!

Nope, I didn’t keep them up for DH let alone siblings. It’s about the quality of time not quantity and a tired toddler isn’t going to give that.

but about all the children developing their own relationship as siblings

So they can quit one of their activities then?

Exactly. He'd just be miserable anyway. It's cruel.

Totally with you OP .

Ignore the poster saying its too early.

Agree if they are that fussed about seeing their sibling on a school night they can easily miss their hobby if it is that important to them!

Umm no I don't think that would be reasonable. Your DSC are children too and going to bed on time is not your toddler's hobby. After a long day out of the house yes I would have kept them up 30 mins later to spend time with family. Obviously you have no intention of keeping the toddler up, so not really sure why you are canvassing opinions.

Umm no I don't think that would be reasonable. Your DSC are children too and going to bed on time is not your toddler's hobby.

You're right, it's not a hobby. It's a basic, biological need. Sleep, it's one of the very few.

Very unsurprising that it's reasonable for a toddler to inconvenience themselves for DSCs benefit but completely unreasonable the other way around.

Hobbies are obviously more important duhh!

It's not just 30 mins though, so I keep them up and then they need to actually do the 'spending time with', before you know it he's been up for over an hour past his usually bed time and he's screaming the house down. Sounds like lovely quality family time.

It's cruel.

I think this shows something about your relationship with step kids

your tone isn’t nice about them

I think you’re being a bit precious

hed be tired now yes but gradually you could shift this and hed be fine

This is one of those things that you feel is massive at 18 months but then look back and go ‘my god I was a bit crazy back then wasn’t i’

its really not a big deal

It's literally nothing to do with my relationship with my step kids, I wouldn't keep a tired 18 month old up even if it were my own kids coming home at that time.

What tone have I used? I haven't even said anything about them really.

I have two kids, both brought up pretty much the same.

One we could be ‘flexible’ with but the other, absolutely no chance. They are wired to be completely rigid.

Trust me, I would be over the moon if they would relax and loosen up a bit. But no. Their routine is extremely important to them. Always has been. Going against the routine just results in us being even more miserable.

They are very much like their father in that respect🙄

Just as well their sibling is more like me and just goes with the flow🤔

Precious?

sleep times generally evolve because of how our day is ordered. So this is working for OP and her DC. You make it sound like evenings are the only time for them to bond.

I don’t welcome guests at bedtime, irrespective of their relationship because bedtimes work for our family in our house.

It seems illogical to upset a toddlers perfectly good, established, sleep pattern for a problem that is likely only OP’s DH perception.

My DH can go days without seeing his kids. Last night he got in ten mins past them falling asleep. It’s life. Sleep is precious. I bet the kids don’t really want to see a toddler after a long day.

I'm also waiting for the big drip feed about this.

So the step kids are here 50:50 and never home until 7.30pm earliest. So that's AT LEAST half of the bedtimes with your toddler DP is not doing. You make a point of saying that you spend most time with the toddler so know them best. I get the impression that your DP is off being Disney dad with his older children and dumping you with the drudgery of the toddler.

Unsurprising how?
I think it's for all the children's benefit, which is why I would do it. Also lol at the toddler inconveniencing themselves to stay up.

OP, you will get loads of agreement on Mumsnet as people act like routine is the law and must be obeyed. I don't feel the same as them. I grew up in a house where we would always stay up for things like family friends visiting, grandparents arriving late, parties. It wasn't crazy, it was nice. I am bringing my children up the same.

It speaks volumes that the poster prioritises the SC’s hobbies over the OP’s child’s basic needs and routines. And is implying the OP is a terrible person. Of course she is.

It’s NOT for all the children’s benefit. The toddler will just be staying up to ‘say hello’ and then go to bed.

And you seem to think the SC’s routine is important. More important than the toddler’s basic routine.

it’s very well established that routines are
good for children. It helps them make sense of a confusing world. Especially toddlers.

Because it's typical SP'ing threads on MN.

DS is fine to be forced to do something detrimental to him (which it would be, you're extremely fortunate imo if you had young toddlers who were very flexible in their sleep times), whereas DSC can't be expected to do the same in reverse if it's that important to them.

Keeping him up as a one off party is very different to keeping him up later than he wants for half the week. He's absolutely knackered when we get home at 6, he'd become over tired, hyper, emotional, be even harder to finally get to sleep and probably be disruptive through the night, all to 'say hello'. I guess you can't get it if you've never had a child that needed the routine like that.

Are you talking about me? What are the volumes it says about me? I would try letting the toddler stay up 30 mins later to see their older siblings. I don't see the big deal.

They have hobbies on the nights they stay in the week and they both have to attend each others as I'm not home in time from work on those days to stay with the other.

No drip feed.

I guess yes, I do think DH is a bit Disney.

I've explained the big deal... I've said several times he'd be miserable, over tired, and so on...

Apparently thats not a big deal so long as he gets to say hello to DSC.

It’s stepfamily animal farm OP. Any unfairnesses or inequalities in favour of the SC can, and will, be justified as for the good of the family. And the SM is ungrateful and horrible for not agreeing.