Prefer it when DSC aren't here

[Chime11]

Anyone else feel this way?

Basically I just much prefer life and our family when DSC aren't here because my husband changes.

It's not necessarily anything bad but he, I guess what would be called Disney on here, just acts weird when his kids are here.

It's constant treats and making huge fuss and falling over himself to fuss over them and expecting everyone else too as well.

I get it in one respect, he doesn't see his kids all of the time so wants to make it special or whatever, I can't even say I wouldn't be the same, but from an outsider's perspective everything just feels so much more normal and easygoing when they are with their mum. We get on better, life flows better, there is no red carpet rolling out. Sometimes it makes me cringe how much he falls over himself to provide endless treats and fuss. If they c

Anyone else?

Why? The DSC see their mum and dad and get their dads full attention to the detriment of the DC. OP is the only parent standing up for DC.

As she should! She's DC's parent and the only one who seems bothered about DC. It's a good job she is.

Err probably because the OP appears to only have her own and her own dc’s interests at heart.

And you consistently dismiss anything that is not about the DSC's feelings, including other DCs 🤷‍♀️

I much prefer my SC not being here, they have just had a two week holiday and it has been absolute bliss.
For me it's not the Disney Dad thing but it's the constant running around, the rush when they are here, the evenings they are here (50%) are just spent trying to get everything done before they go back to their mums which is an hour round trip, he basically spends around 8 hours a week driving to and from his exes house, it's ridiculous, I just feel it's a ridiculous situation it's not that I do t like the kids but life is easier without it, I think DH agrees but he'd never say it. We've just had a very happy two weeks which really is very sad for everyone involved

And the resident dc’s get dads full attention when his other kids aren’t there!

Don’t talk silly, she’s bothered because her dh makes it clear he loves his other kids too.

How is that anyway a healthy situation for the DC? Oh my other kids aren't around so now I'm interested in you. But when they are here I'll just drop you.

And the resident dc’s get dads full attention when his other kids aren’t there!

More likely dad uses that time to work longer hours, indulge in hobbies and do life admin whilst leaving the resident childrens Mother to do all the slog.

Oh please…. Have a word with yourself.

Do you know that for a fact, or making your own assumptions?

Who said anything about dropping his dc’s?

@Chime11
I usually think equity between siblings. However, as children age, so do the price of the gifts they want, invariably. So great under school age you really can do it on a shoe string, I used to manage less than £60. But even now in primary school those costs have gone up and my child isn't excessive! So on the Christmas gifts expecting exact parity I think yabu.
However, I don't believe that even an older teen needs that level of expense!

@Chime11
You didn't answer my earlier questions.hkw long were you with your oh before deciding to have a child? Did you always feel like life was better when his children weren't around from the outset?

Oh please…. Have a word with yourself.

Right back at you!

touché.

Don’t talk silly

Oh the irony.

I’m not sure, to be honest. He only went the once because I couldn’t go due to a double booking with an event for DD2 and I had to ask him if he could go instead, he didn’t offer. I think he just expects me to sort it and attend everything, rather than both of us.

He did make a comment this year about sports day for his older DC being awkward after he had split from his ex, but that he would never have missed any because he wanted to see his kids on sports day. I felt like saying “don’t you want to see our DC on sports day then”!

The problem is he wants to be their friend rather than their dad which means no boundaries or rules or parenting just "fun" and treats constantly. I'm surprised anyone can think that is either good for the kids or good parenting. And it's not putting their needs first either.

Yep, I totally get this. With DH, his objective was to ensure that DSS’s every visit was Teenage Paradise, so that he’d want to keep visiting. Very hard to live with

I felt like saying "don't you want to see our DC on sports day then"!

That's exactly what you should have said to him @msevs, to draw his attention to the disparity in treatment, and see what his response would have been.

You say that you feel it’s a ridiculous situation (with regards to the running around after his dc’s), but did you not anticipate that your DH would still need to look after his own children (and he’s only doing that for 50% of the time!) before you married him?

Are his dc’s supposed to vanish for 18 years, just so your life is easier? Remember, you signed up for it.

That’s not what OP said.

there’s many things in life we merely tolerate rather than actively enjoy.

He probably misses his children and feels guilty that he doesn't see them every day so spoils them. I think I would do the same if I only saw my DD part time.

I think that is it is natural for NRPs to want to behave like this. But this doesn't mean that it is good for the children, for a step parent or for any subsequent children who have to witness their half-siblings getting what will look to them like preferential treatment.

Pleased to see them is one thing, going completely overboard as if royalty has arrived and letting them do and have whatever they like whether its good for them or not and expecting everyone else to get involved with the facade is an entirely different thing.

YANBU OP. It happens in this house too. I call it “Operation Red Carpet”.

Is he still considered the NRP if contact is 50:50 as the OP has said?

@LadyCluck Operation Red Carpet

Love it! Describes it so succinctly!!!