Prefer it when DSC aren't here

[Chime11]

Anyone else feel this way?

Basically I just much prefer life and our family when DSC aren't here because my husband changes.

It's not necessarily anything bad but he, I guess what would be called Disney on here, just acts weird when his kids are here.

It's constant treats and making huge fuss and falling over himself to fuss over them and expecting everyone else too as well.

I get it in one respect, he doesn't see his kids all of the time so wants to make it special or whatever, I can't even say I wouldn't be the same, but from an outsider's perspective everything just feels so much more normal and easygoing when they are with their mum. We get on better, life flows better, there is no red carpet rolling out. Sometimes it makes me cringe how much he falls over himself to provide endless treats and fuss. If they c

Anyone else?

Is he still considered the NRP if contact is 50:50 as the OP has said?

Very good point. Although even if my DH had had 50/50 (which he didn't) I still think he would have Disney'd just the same!

Not a stepmum
never will be
and my children will never ever have a partner of mine life with

why?

i love my children and my children alone
shudder at the thought of sharing our home with other children

and would never bring a partner in to our home to life because I couldn’t stand the thought that HE might prefer my children be around!

Yaay, another step children bashing thread, keep up the good work guys!

It’s not specifically “step children”

for me… it’s any child that is not my own holds very very limited appeal!!

The OP never bashed the stepchildren. She doesn't like the fact her husband behaves different. It's him she has the issue with.

I agree with this.

Another one that doesn't know how to read 🙄 sigh good job 👏🏼

I think you’ll find that the issue here is very clearly the husband’s personality change during contact.

Pretending that any criticism of what happens during contact is criticism of the children is disingenuous posting on the stepparenting board 101. And also the armour those fathers very often wear to deflect legitimate criticism of them.

Then why marry a man with children? I honestly cannot understand this - you feel about like you do a friends DC? But you knew from the off they’d be with you 50% of the time? So don’t marry their dad. Or did you hope he’d sack off his children in favour of the one you have together as soon as yours was born?

If you read it again, this time properly, you will see my post was directed at someone else

So you’re another one who doesn’t like their partner giving his kids attention then.

So you’re another one who doesn’t like their partner giving his kids attention then.

Do you ever get tired of making repetitive comments about something you clearly don't have any actual experience of?

‘Legitimate criticism of them’
ffs I’ve heard it all now, criticising a father for making an effort with kids he doesn’t see every day shows how jealous and bitter some stepmothers can be.

And before anyone jumps down my throat, I said some not all. Many stepmums are lovely, but those who nitpick that their dh’s children are being ‘spoilt’ need to stop moaning and remember not to try and come between a parent and their kids, as you will lose every time.

Hit a nerve have I?

Hit a nerve have I?

No, it's just tiresome and it makes you look really foolish.

So you’re another one who doesn’t like their partner giving his kids attention then.

God, you really do read what you want to read don't you. You have issues. I'd work on addressing them rather than living on a board that clearly triggers you.

It’s not me with the issues, I’m not jealous of young children receiving their own father’s time and attention. People like you should be ashamed of themselves.

And do you think the opinion of someone who doesn’t give a shit about the well being of stepchildren is of any value to me? Ffs

@Blueswedeshoes

At the very least you have massive comprehension issues.

Oh yeah I'm massively ashamed of myself as I'm snuggled up on the sofa with my stepson watching his favourite show which he asked me to wait until tonight to watch so we could watch together. But yep, I'm awful me. (Disclaimer: Just paused while he's gone to get a snack).

You keep making shit up to fit your own agenda. You either do lack comprehension skills or you're wilfully misreading every comment and twisting it to suit your own warped views.

And do you think the opinion of someone who doesn’t give a shit about the well being of stepchildren is of any value to me? Ffs

Do you think the opinion of someone who cannot cope with the concept that a parent might spoil their child in ways that are not positive and repeatedly attacks anyone that discusses it because in your head it MUST be about jealousy instead is of any value to anyone here?

Can't speak for others, but for me part of the attraction of DH was seeing that he went to the nursery graduation and the dance demos and the sports days and did his share of the emergency school pick ups and paid over and above the minimum maintenance and even continued to pay his ex's bills at his old home until fixed contracts came to an end after he moved out. He also be took his DD places, be humiliated himself somewhat at children's parties to make her happy, spent time just the two of them.
I can be assure all the chippy be PPs that I would not have been at all attracted to a yes man Disney dad who gave in to every huff and tantrum and let his entire universe grind to a halt because of his DD.
It is possible to be both and do both.
Yes, we save the headline days out for when DSD is here for example but other than that she is expected to be muddle along with the rest of us. Don't see what's wrong with that at all.

Im sure I have had replies and fgs I don't care anymore, I have been on the stepparent board for over 10 years, It used to be brutal, I spent a lot of time sticking up for you all. Now? I am fucking embarrassed by what you say and do

You used to stick up for us all but now you hate us all so come to stick the boot in. So there's no nuance or critical thinking you just post on whether or not you like step parents at the time?

And you don't care but also continue to post responses?

Got it.

So you’re another one who doesn’t like their partner giving his kids attention then.

@Blueswedeshoes i have no problem with that at all. As per the thread, it’s how the whole house and everyone in it is expected to stand to attention and treat two young people as if they’re visiting celebrities. It’s not healthy for the family unit as a whole and gives these kids unrealistic expectations.
I speak as both a SM and a SC.

My dp is like this with his ds who is now 18. Nothing too much trouble, didn't make him lift a finger, gave him a lift whenever he wanted one, didn't make him say please or thank you. Weekend activities revolved around him. His ds used to text from his bedroom at night to say he was hungry and dp would jump up even if in the middle of watching a film and make him a picnic plate and take it up to him and bring his plate back down for him afterwards. As soon as his ds was old enough to start going out with his mates he dropped his dad. Never answered phone/texts to him unless he wanted something, only came round once he knew it was something he wanted to really do. Even then he'd say he'd come then cancel after we'd paid for tickets/hotels etc. Once we paid for an expensive glamping hut on a lake on New Year's Eve. On New Year's Day dp drove him 2.5 hours at stupid o clock in the morning to drop him off so he could go to a football match then dp drove all the way back to the hut then home so about 8 hours in total!
His ds will now drive past his dads house to go to the pub but not bother calling in to say hello. Being the fun parent all the time doesn't maintain the relationship or create respect or guarantee they will give you a second thought once they don't think they need you!