Prefer it when DSC aren't here

[Chime11]

Anyone else feel this way?

Basically I just much prefer life and our family when DSC aren't here because my husband changes.

It's not necessarily anything bad but he, I guess what would be called Disney on here, just acts weird when his kids are here.

It's constant treats and making huge fuss and falling over himself to fuss over them and expecting everyone else too as well.

I get it in one respect, he doesn't see his kids all of the time so wants to make it special or whatever, I can't even say I wouldn't be the same, but from an outsider's perspective everything just feels so much more normal and easygoing when they are with their mum. We get on better, life flows better, there is no red carpet rolling out. Sometimes it makes me cringe how much he falls over himself to provide endless treats and fuss. If they c

Anyone else?

I'd been with my partner for quite some time before I met his son so by then I was not willing to leave the relationship over my qualms about what EOW was like. I just stuck it out. It got less enjoyable over time as DSS grew older and more challenging - being brutally honest in the beginning I just assumed he would be sweet and enjoyable to be around. But it wasn't how the situation turned out.

I think a lot of people will identify with this point

@aSofaNearYou I do agree it's helpful to be open and honest about the challenges of being a step parent. However I think a big issue is that there's often a huge gap between the actual challenges we step parents experience vs what those without experience perceive those challenges to be and the resultant judgement that comes with it.

@Ohthatsexciting in my case I had my own 3 dc & loads of nieces & nephews & I got/get on great with all of them. Despite being divorced myself, my dc were well adjusted & me, exh & his dw were all cordial.
I thought this was the norm.
When I met exdp's dc they seemed fine but the issues all came to the fore as they got older & as exdp & I got closer. They and their dm basically resented the hell out of me & my dc but this was absolutely not apparent at first as they thought I was just a passing fancy on their dads part. Exdp is sport mad & I'm not so they reckoned he'd dump me eventually. This was actually said to me!
I bailed but I'd imagine that if we'd had an 'ours' child I'd have stayed & would most likely be on my last nerve.

Joyless is exactly how I'd describe it too aSofa.

Not in the sense that I'm miserable. But in the sense that there's nothing directly about being a step parent that brings me joy.

That's why I stick around on here even though I'm not longer a sm. If I can give advice to anyone feeling bewildered I will because being a step mum can be THE most thankless role ever but it's very hard to see that at the start of a relationship when everyone is on their best behaviour or when sdc are smaller. In my experience the sdc behaviour got so much worse as they got older as dm provoked them & exdp never challenged them.

*Joyless is exactly how I'd describe it too aSofa.

Not in the sense that I'm miserable. But in the sense that there's nothing directly about being a step parent that brings me joy.*

That was my experience too & I wasn't prepared for it as I love spending time with my dc, their friends & my nieces & nephews.

@Ohthatsexciting
Just a couple of points:

1. I got to see in advance that my DH is a lovely dad and a decent man
2. Currently faffing about on MN while DSD (10) entertains DS (3) - gales of laughter, lots of cuddles and kisses. They adore each other. She's not "another family", she is part of my family and my sons family.
3. I actually like DSD, she's a good kid, makes me laugh with her chat, I thoroughly enjoyed the "borrowing a child to have an excuse to have a shot of the big slide at soft play and see kids films" years 🤣

If you want to, you can seek and find the negatives in everything. For example DS makes me poorer and more worn out than I would be without him but he's still the best part of my life. The "poor and worn out" part is enough for my best friend to decide she never wants children. Fair enough.

Dating a man with a child and being a SM (I don't really like that label, I'm not any kind of mum to her) has never "appealed" as such but there's still joy to be found in it if you aren't relentlessly feeling hard done by.

Absolutely, this is definitely how I feel!