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Step-parenting

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Original poster

DH invited step children to family gathering

991 replies

Gathering1 · 25/06/2022 17:30

My gran is having a small family gathering tomorrow evening for my grand and grandpa's anniversary. She is cooking food and it's only close family, me & DH, my parents, my child, my aunt and my two cousin's.

DH has known about this for a while although may have forgotten.

He's just told me that my step children are now with us tomorrow night so will need to come with us. This is because his ex now has plans and so he's agreed to have them.

AIBU to be pissed off? They barely know my gran or majority of my family (only really spent time with my parents on occasion) and I feel bad asking at such short notice to bring to extra people to a small gathering. My mum was saying she thinks my gran might worry about having enough food for everyone because she was already saying she hopes she has enough etc...

I've told him it's not on but he thinks I'm being unfair and why shouldn't they be invited to a family gathering which I'd agree with if it were his family but it's not and it's not even just that but the last minute-ness of it.

He either needs to tell his ex sorry but he can't because he has plans or stay home with them which is a shame considering he's known about this for ages and it's for my gran and grandpa.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gathering1 · 25/06/2022 17:30

Bring two extra people**

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 25/06/2022 17:32

I am struggling to see how you have step children that don’t know your family well enough to be invited in the first place , you do realise that step children are part of your family . If you are concerned about the food situation make some sandwiches / sausage rolls / chilli etc and take it with you as a contribution .

PuffinMcStuffin · 25/06/2022 17:33

How old are the stepchildren?

WhateverIdo · 25/06/2022 17:33

They are your close family.
You're very unreasonable.

GoldenEclipse · 25/06/2022 17:34

YABU your step children are part of your family.

Mammyloveswine · 25/06/2022 17:35

Bloody hell your poor step children if you don't consider them "close family"... appalling!

Salico · 25/06/2022 17:35

Yeesh.

Leave DH at home with DC.

Thats all I have to say

Br1ll1ant · 25/06/2022 17:36

YABU - they are your family and you need to welcome them to family events. Take some extra food with you if you think that’s a problem.

gorillalala · 25/06/2022 17:37

Umm your step children are part of your family aren't they?! If they haven't met your grandparents yet surely now is as good a time as any. Just mention that they're coming and that you're going to bring along an extra dish of food.

You express sadness that your DH might miss the gathering, how can you be sad at that but at the same time be so resistant to his children attending.

Original poster
Gathering1 · 25/06/2022 17:37

Floralnomad · 25/06/2022 17:32

I am struggling to see how you have step children that don’t know your family well enough to be invited in the first place , you do realise that step children are part of your family . If you are concerned about the food situation make some sandwiches / sausage rolls / chilli etc and take it with you as a contribution .

We don't live that close (about an hour away) so don't go to visit my family much when DSC are here because it's obviously not a priority when they are here to see my family rather than DHs or whatever.

If they were due to be there tomorrow night we could have said that and then I'm sure they'd have been invited but they weren't due here so we didn't think we needed to mention anything. Until now when all of a sudden I need to bring two teens along.

It's not a sandwiches and sausage roll kind of thing, she's cooking a meal for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gathering1 · 25/06/2022 17:38

It's not just up to me to include them and bring them along though is it? It's not my event.

OP posts:
Motheranddaughtertotwo · 25/06/2022 17:38

I think you’re being unfair too. They aren’t just two random people your husband has invited, they’re his kids. Maybe use this as an opportunity for your family (and you maybe) to get to know them better. Bring some extra food so you’re not putting anyone out.

Cameleongirl · 25/06/2022 17:38

If it’s going to stress out your Gran catering for two extra people, I’d suggest that your DH stays home with them and you go with your child.

With more notice, you could all go, but it’s not fair to stress out an elderly person for whom this might be alot of effort.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2022 17:38

Gathering1 · 25/06/2022 17:30

My gran is having a small family gathering tomorrow evening for my grand and grandpa's anniversary. She is cooking food and it's only close family, me & DH, my parents, my child, my aunt and my two cousin's.

DH has known about this for a while although may have forgotten.

He's just told me that my step children are now with us tomorrow night so will need to come with us. This is because his ex now has plans and so he's agreed to have them.

AIBU to be pissed off? They barely know my gran or majority of my family (only really spent time with my parents on occasion) and I feel bad asking at such short notice to bring to extra people to a small gathering. My mum was saying she thinks my gran might worry about having enough food for everyone because she was already saying she hopes she has enough etc...

I've told him it's not on but he thinks I'm being unfair and why shouldn't they be invited to a family gathering which I'd agree with if it were his family but it's not and it's not even just that but the last minute-ness of it.

He either needs to tell his ex sorry but he can't because he has plans or stay home with them which is a shame considering he's known about this for ages and it's for my gran and grandpa.

Tell your gran you are going to bring pizza for the kids. Problem solved.

Aksbdt · 25/06/2022 17:38

I think the last minute part of it is unfair on your nan; I wouldn’t tell my family that my own children were coming with only a days notice.

Original poster
Gathering1 · 25/06/2022 17:38

You express sadness that your DH might miss the gathering, how can you be sad at that but at the same time be so resistant to his children attending.

They are teens so tbh I wouldn't miss them being there haha. They'll spend the whole time wanting to be anywhere else I imagine.

OP posts:
Anotherdayanotherdollar · 25/06/2022 17:39

How old are they??
Can you not bring some extra food as already suggested? Sausages/goujons that can be cooked and eaten cold, sandwiches etc

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2022 17:39

Until now when all of a sudden I need to bring two teens along.

Two teens can't stay home alone for a couple of hours?

HollowTalk · 25/06/2022 17:40

He needs to stay home with them. It's very rude of him to invite extra people to an event like that. I'm sure the teenagers don't want to be there anyway.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/06/2022 17:40

Tell him to stay at home. He’s being extremely rude expecting to show up with two extra people, even though they’re his children. He should have told his ex he couldn’t have them as he had plans, it’s only flexible contact if both parents get to be flexible. If he’s going to let her change contact that’s annoying for you but it’s no one else’s job to host or feed them. I’d be annoyed and I’d tell him so.

Original poster
Gathering1 · 25/06/2022 17:41

Cameleongirl · 25/06/2022 17:38

If it’s going to stress out your Gran catering for two extra people, I’d suggest that your DH stays home with them and you go with your child.

With more notice, you could all go, but it’s not fair to stress out an elderly person for whom this might be alot of effort.

This is exactly my point. If this has been arranged for day they were due to be here I'd of said at the time 'oh is it okay if X and Y comes?' but it wasn't so she's not expecting them and I think she's already a bit stressed about it.

OP posts:
alphons · 25/06/2022 17:41

YABU I’m not including your SDC in your definition of “close family*. FFS 🙄

However, they are not your grandparents’ close family so YANBU to not extend an invitation to them on behalf of your grandparents to something they have planned. Your DH should stay at home with them, and reflect on how much of a pillock he is for not being organised.

Original poster
Gathering1 · 25/06/2022 17:42

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2022 17:39

Until now when all of a sudden I need to bring two teens along.

Two teens can't stay home alone for a couple of hours?

Young teens who are a bit babied and not allowed to be left alone. One 11 (about to turn 12) the other 14. They argue a lot though so wouldn't trust them for hours in the evening though tbf. We might not be home until late.

OP posts:
Anotherdayanotherdollar · 25/06/2022 17:42

Sorry, cross post. Are they old enough to stay at home alone then? Take away and movies?

MadMadMadamMim · 25/06/2022 17:42

If they are teens, can't they stay at your place alone? Nothing would have bored me more as a teenager then going for a cooked meal at my stepmum's granny''s house with a bunch of old people. They would surely prefer to stay home watching Netflix than spend a Sunday evening with a bunch of people they don't know.

(I don't have a stepmum with a granny, but you get the point).