DH invited step children to family gathering

[Gathering1]

My gran is having a small family gathering tomorrow evening for my grand and grandpa's anniversary. She is cooking food and it's only close family, me & DH, my parents, my child, my aunt and my two cousin's.

DH has known about this for a while although may have forgotten.

He's just told me that my step children are now with us tomorrow night so will need to come with us. This is because his ex now has plans and so he's agreed to have them.

AIBU to be pissed off? They barely know my gran or majority of my family (only really spent time with my parents on occasion) and I feel bad asking at such short notice to bring to extra people to a small gathering. My mum was saying she thinks my gran might worry about having enough food for everyone because she was already saying she hopes she has enough etc...

I've told him it's not on but he thinks I'm being unfair and why shouldn't they be invited to a family gathering which I'd agree with if it were his family but it's not and it's not even just that but the last minute-ness of it.

He either needs to tell his ex sorry but he can't because he has plans or stay home with them which is a shame considering he's known about this for ages and it's for my gran and grandpa.

Tell your partner to tell his ex that you can't have his kids this weekend. You know that's what you need to do. Or go without him. There's only two options. And yes he was being unreasonable that he didn't discuss it with you first.

OP said they were teens

OP's elderly grandparents are not obliged to invite OP's step children to a small party that is being held on a day when OP was not having them. They were not "excluded" they simply were supposed to be with their mum that day.

And now it's too late for an elderly woman who was already anxious about the meal, to be told that two extra ppeople are coming. It wouldn't matter who those two people were, it's her party, her anniversary, and she shouldn't have to bear the brunt of this mess caused by OP's partner and his ex.

Can you just phone your gran and discuss it?

Seeing as your gran is not your DHs close family I don't see the issue of him apologising and staying to look after his DC if they can't be trusted to stay alone. Your gran would understand surely that his dependant dc come first?

That would be too easy 😂

BRING FOOD FOR THE KIDS. As people have mentioned numerous times. You're hellbent on making a fucking ordeal out of this.

@Gathering1 I'd call your Gran, explain you and DH were looking forward to coming over tomorrow but now he has his 2 DC, so it will just be you and Your DC.

Either Gran will invite them along and if so you can ask if she needs any help preparing anything or getting extra ingredients and supplies or she'll say that's a shame.

Then you will know the answer and can speak to DH about it.

TBH if it was me and my Gran I would feel bad for it being last minute but I'd try and include DSC.
Could be the start of them becoming close family.

Why? They want our son there and to have a meal with and spend time with him as they'd planned. To change that now to oh he's just going to sit in your lounge because we've fed him already is not fair on her.

It's very clear that the OP really doesn't want them there at any cost.

Your DH agreed to having his kids when he already knew you and he were invited to your Grans for dinner. Not very respectful to your Gran.

It’s short notice. That’s what the problem is here. It’s rude. You made the plans on a day when dsc wouldn’t be here so they haven’t been accounted for, so it’s really rude to just add them on at such short notice.

Yanbu. They would have been included. It is tricky to add two extra at this stage so yanbu. I would go with your child.

Exactly. OP you aren't being unreasonable, he shouldn't have agreed when he already had plans

Have you read Cinderella?

@MultiBird she did, and then later that they're 11 and 14.

I think the OP only wants pp's to say the step kids need to stay at home with mum and is resistant to any other suggestions.

Because they're his kids? Yes, probably he should have said no, but he didn't so now they're his responsibility. He's suggested bringing them (which I'm sure they'll be thrilled about), but you don't like that so you'll have to accept one of the other solutions.

It's really not unusual when you're a parent, step or otherwise, for something to happen and plans to change.

I've already explained why I don't want to do this. She'll say yes whether she means it or not and I know from my mum she's already stressed. Putting pressure on her is unfair.

Why would I not go?

I am amazed that anyone thinks this is reasonable behaviour from the OP’s husband!

there are SC involved so of course people think he’s being reasonable. A SM’s place is in the wrong. 🤷🏻‍♀️

even from the SC’s perspective, the OP’s family are strangers really. Why would they want to be plonked in the middle of someone else’s small, close family event?

maybe its a good chance to get to know them

Yes and the fact that she dismissed them as teens when in fact they're quite young says a lot too.

I've never known such a mountain out of a molehill
Just ring your gran
"Last minute change of plan"
(Clearly you don't want the SC encroaching, no point beating around the bush, it's nothing to do with food)