Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

18 and still coming every other weekend and lots of holidays
262

mommabear2386 · 12/06/2022 12:58

Having a bedroom dilemma we have a 3 bed house and SD 16 (lived here full time for 9 months ) has the small room to herself and my two SS15& 19 have the larger double EOW and half holidays etc some random nights too.

Issue is our Bio som now 4 starts school on sept and has always shared our room so the boys kept there own space etc but I now want to move him into this room permanently and they can still share when over.

I want a double bed with a pullout / trundle underneath. Currently it's bunk beds for the two elder but they are two old for these now.

Issue is the 19 year old is still staying all the time and I kind of figured he would stop / be away at uni so it would only be the 15 year old to cater for in terms of beds.

Any advice??

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

mommabear2386 · 12/06/2022 12:59

Sorry he's 19 not 18

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Honaloulou · 12/06/2022 13:03

Most 19 year olds are home lots, what made you think he wouldn't be?

Please
or
to access all these features

RubricEnemy · 12/06/2022 13:08

Will the 3 boys fit in one room? Bunk beds plus a single bed. The 19-year-old will gradually move on! Talk with your dh about timelines for supporting him into his own place.

Please
or
to access all these features

mommabear2386 · 12/06/2022 13:09

He was planning to go away to uni but has now stayed in the home town, oh don't get me wrong I don't want him not around but I didn't think he would be staying overnight as much because he has his own room at mums etc and I thought he would be a girlfriend / friends and he busy on the weekends but sadly there's non of it.

It's more the issue where our soon needs a room and bed routine etc and there is no space for three beds!

I might have to get a blow up air mattress I guess for the time being

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/06/2022 13:09

If he’s still coming home I think you’ll have to find a 3-bed solution in that bedroom, a double is obviously not going to be the best idea unless you’re expecting two of the boys to share? Even if at some point the 19yo isn’t coming EOW he’s still likely to want to visit from time to time so he does still need a bed at his Dad’s house.

I would keep the bunk beds for now for the two teens and put a cabin type bed in for your youngest son with storage underneath as that’s probably the best option in terms of space. Is their room the biggest bedroom in the house? If your room is bigger it might also make sense to switch around so that the three boys are in the biggest room.

Please
or
to access all these features

Just10moreminutesplease · 12/06/2022 13:22

Most 19 year olds are home lots. Even those who go to uni.

A blow up bed isn’t really suitable for regular use. I’d look at moving extra furniture (wardrobes etc.) to other areas of the house to free up space for another bed.

Please
or
to access all these features

aSofaNearYou · 12/06/2022 13:32

In my opinion, regardless of whether it's a blended family, if the space cannot be found for all the children then the adults who are capable of moving out at 18 will simply have to do so. This is the solution I have always seen happen in families without enough space. The younger children have to take priority.

I'm struggling to visualise the room in this case but if you can't fit them all in that room I would say the eldest needs to sleep on the sofa/pull out bed downstairs.

Please
or
to access all these features

skgnome · 12/06/2022 13:37

Keep the bunk bed and can you put a cabin bed for the younger there?
or bunk bed, with a pull under for the older one?

Please
or
to access all these features

SleepyDoggo · 12/06/2022 13:41

There’s lots of ideas for having 3 beds in bedrooms, have a google. He might be at home for a good few years yet.

Please
or
to access all these features

VeganVampire · 12/06/2022 13:43

Split the biggest bedroom with a row of furniture (if it's your room you'll have to switch). Wardrobes and shelves facing the appropriate directions and big sheets of ply/mdf filling any spaces etc. The older boys can still have bunk beds, or put a high sleeper over a single bed at right angles (if it works in the room) so no bed movements felt. That way your youngest has his own space, and the bigger boys have theirs too. Not ideal, but there has to be compromise all round.

Please
or
to access all these features

Dancingwithhyenas · 12/06/2022 13:45

Many 18-25s are only ever semi moved out and regularly come home or come home for periods. Any chance of dividing the room? Would your room be bigger if you swapped?

Please
or
to access all these features

Youseethethingis1 · 12/06/2022 13:46

There are 3 boys and one available room so the teenagers are just going to have to deal with the bunks a bit longer.
I'm sure a young adult isn't expecting his 4 year old sibling to do without a bedroom much longer, especially at the larger double is unoccupied most of the time.
I'd get the two teens involved in working out a solution, how to make space for another bed, do they have old stuff they can clear out, could the room do with being redecorated at the same time etc etc.

Please
or
to access all these features

lassof · 12/06/2022 13:46

Too many people for a small house really. Do you have other rooms eg 2 downstairs rooms where one could convert? Attic? Garden with enough room for a garden room?

Please
or
to access all these features

TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/06/2022 13:53

He was planning to go away to uni but has now stayed in the home town,

Is he attending Uni in his home town? If so, would his family pay for student halls, which presumably is what was expected?

If he is not in Uni and is working it is probably time to find a room in a houseshare.

Please
or
to access all these features

SantiMakesMeLaugh · 12/06/2022 13:58

@mommabear2386 when your 4yo is 19yo, will you expect him to not come back home or only for very short periods as a guest?
Or will your door be open to your child even they are at Uni/just starting in life?

What about you? Did your parents chuck you out at18yo or was the door open for you to come back home?

You do have an issue with bedroom. I totally get that you’d want to have a bedroom for your 4yo.
But the answer isn’t that the 19yo isn’t welcome anymore.

Id have a word with all 3 dsc about it Btw and see what would be a good compromise for everyone.

Please
or
to access all these features

AuntieMaggie · 12/06/2022 13:58

Is there room for something like this in the room with the bunkbeds? Though I guess it depends how big the 15 and 18 year olds are

18 and still coming every other weekend and lots of holidays
Please
or
to access all these features

Ikeameatballs · 12/06/2022 14:01

I suspect that sharing with a 4 year old will be quite the motivator for the 19 year old to spend less time at your place!

Please
or
to access all these features

SantiMakesMeLaugh · 12/06/2022 14:01

If he is not in Uni and is working it is probably time to find a room in a houseshare.

Why?
Is the norm now to kick a 19yo in the street just because they are 19yo??

You dint stop being a parent because the child is now 18yo.
And you dint plan to have another child based on the assumption that your dcs won’t be welcome in your house to make space for the youngest one.

Please
or
to access all these features

Fuuuuuckit · 12/06/2022 14:02

Your 4 yo doesn't need a double bed.

Single bunks are fine for the older ss, if they don't like it they will vote with their feet. They obviously do like it so you're going to have to find another solution.

Please
or
to access all these features

SantiMakesMeLaugh · 12/06/2022 14:03

Ikeameatballs · 12/06/2022 14:01

I suspect that sharing with a 4 year old will be quite the motivator for the 19 year old to spend less time at your place!

So is telling them they should just get a houseshare because they are 18yo and therefore not welcome anymore?

I mean the cheek of also wanting to spend holidays with your parent and siblings… how dare they….

Please
or
to access all these features

R1408 · 12/06/2022 14:06

Bunk beds and a single bed in that room. Or you move into the middle room and put the three boys in the biggest room.

I agree though that sharing with a 4 year old will probably make weekends at your house less attractive.

Please
or
to access all these features

Beautiful3 · 12/06/2022 14:21

Bunk beds for the older 2 sons, and a single bed for your son.

Please
or
to access all these features

Haffdonga · 12/06/2022 14:22

A few thoughts:

  • A 4 year old doesn't need a double bed
  • Nobody is too old for a bunk bed if it's an adult single bed length.
  • All 3 of your step dc will be adults in 3 year's time and most likely living with you on a less permanent/ more ad hoc visit basis

I'd say for now set the boys' room up with a bunk and single. For much of the time it will be your ds's room and the older boys will be quite used to sharing on their visits already.

Then review the situation in 3 years or so. Perhaps ds can go in dd's small room and the big room can be set up as a 'spare' room with double bed and pull out for when the young adults drop by.

Please
or
to access all these features

howtomoveforwards · 12/06/2022 14:37

would his family pay for student halls, which presumably is what was expected?

who do you consider 'his family'?

Please
or
to access all these features

TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/06/2022 14:42

who do you consider 'his family'?

Whoever the OP was assuming would pay for his accomodation if he went away to University as she expected he would.

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.