18 and still coming every other weekend and lots of holidays

[mommabear2386]

Having a bedroom dilemma we have a 3 bed house and SD 16 (lived here full time for 9 months ) has the small room to herself and my two SS15& 19 have the larger double EOW and half holidays etc some random nights too.

Issue is our Bio som now 4 starts school on sept and has always shared our room so the boys kept there own space etc but I now want to move him into this room permanently and they can still share when over.

I want a double bed with a pullout / trundle underneath. Currently it's bunk beds for the two elder but they are two old for these now.

Issue is the 19 year old is still staying all the time and I kind of figured he would stop / be away at uni so it would only be the 15 year old to cater for in terms of beds.

Any advice??

Not ideal, but can You get a Sofabed and you and dh to Sleep in the lounge, and your bedroom becomes a bedroom for one of the children?

That's great that he wants to be home and uni is so stressful that you might find him with you even more regularly.

Can you move into a smaller room so that the boys have more space or is there another room in the house that can be made into a bedroom? Just because your the parents doesn't give you the right to have the biggest room 😄

What a wonderful problem to have!

So is telling them they should just get a houseshare because they are 18yo and therefore not welcome anymore?

I agree it's not ideal but at 19, if I were working, I would much rather have lived with friends than shared an overcrowded room with two siblings, one of whom was 4 years old, in a smallish house. I moved out at 18 as did most of my friends. The family home was always there in an emergency, as it would be for the OP's SS.

TheYearOfSmallThings, bills are so much more expensive now though. House shares can be as much as whole houses used to be rent wise.

I'd get the two teens involved in working out a solution

I agree. Hopefully the boys will understand what the problem is and you can work together to find a solution that everybody is in agreement over. I think I would aim to partition the room if at all possible, otherwise won't the older two wake the younger one up when they come to be?

It’s pretty unusual for a 19yo to move out. I moved out aged 22 but that was young even then and that was 18 years ago.

My 18 and 22 year olds are still home pretty regular. I'd say they need a bed/ space until they get their own place and even then they may still visit. But it's reasonable that your son has space too. I'd keep bunk beds (unless they are falling apart) get a small single for your ds and maybe try to divide the room so one have your ds other half the older 2.

It'll need some flexibility, whatever you do. I would put a single bed in the big boys room that is the normal bed for your 4 year old, but then be prepared for the little one to come in with you sometimes when his brothers are staying so that he can sleep if they are awake late at night.

Can you get a sofa bed in the living room and the 19 year old can sleep there when he comes, will presumably will be less and less as he gets older. As you say he has his own room in his mum's house so he has somewhere to call home and to keep his stuff.

Its not his main residence! Your SS has 2 rooms and your son 0. I would let them know they are welcome any time but they will have to sleep in living room.

Could your son make the bottom bunk his bed in the big boys room. Then the top bunk is for whoever’s staying. If both brothers stay then either in the sofa or a single sofa bed in that room. But it does need to be the biggest room.

@Moneypanicker you’d make a 15 year old sleep in the living room because his dad decided to have too many children for his house? Of course, step children are second class citizens. God forbid a father should actually step up and care for their dc.

What about two loft beds for the eldest two and a bed at ground level for your ds? Loft beds wouldn’t take up a great deal of space. Your ds could then move back into your room when they’re both around etc. I know that means if one of the eldest (when the 15yo gets a bit older) won’t be able to have a partner to stay in a double bed. But mattresses can be put on the floor for this occasional eventuality.

The upside of having 3 mattresses is that your ds could have some cracking sleepovers when older.

Or you go the sofa bed route… it sounds like one or two nights a fortnight.

Keep the bunks the 4yo can sleep on the bottom one with a bed rail.

When the old boys come round, 4yo sleeps on a ready bed in ur room.

We did this for some time with our 14yo SD room - eventually we got a loft conversion to give us 4 bedrooms.

Sell and get a bigger house to accommodate your four children.

It isn’t appropriate to have a four year old share a room with two late teens - one of them a fully grown man!

I don’t see any other way around this really. Unless you get a sofa bed in the living room for the girl and put your young son in the small room.

I think that’s rather unfair. Op and her dh have had their little ds in with them precisely to facilitate the older 2 boys and get the eldest through exams with minimal disruption. Op is happy to continue this for the 15 yo when around. If this were a family with no stepchildren involved, the sofa bed would be deemed fine.

They are his family……..

This.

They need a bigger house.

This is not a situation where a 4yo gets a double bed. It is also absolutely no hardship for a 4yo to not have a double bed! Is there room for a bunk and single op? If so that’s your answer, else a bunk and trundle or bunk and chair that folds out like pps have posted. 4yo bottom bunk, 15yo top bunk, 19yo trundle / fold out.
I moved out at 23. Until then I slept in the single bed mum and dad had for me (I’m this side of 40 for context)

Finally someone said it ! Of course it's still their home and they would always be welcome but having two bedrooms while the little one doesn't even have one just doesn't seem fair !

Can you get a set of bunk beds and a single bed to fit? Obviously not ideal at that age but then they all have a bed. I think YABU to expect a 19 year old at uni to be fully moved out.

My Mum got rid of my bedroom the week after I left home to go to uni and it was really hard and depressing. All of my friends were going home all the time and uni loan expects you to go home for the summer. I had to graft my arse off over summer and get myself into debt, find people who wanted to live in a house share over summer and not my friends (as they had reserved a house at half rent under the presumption nobody was living there) and I didn’t get a break at all. I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven her for that, it really isn’t the norm at all.

If he is not in Uni and is working it is probably time to find a room in a houseshare.

Why?
Is the norm now to kick a 19yo in the street just because they are 19yo??

Where did you read anything about being kicked on the street... It says help find a room in a houseshare, not make them homeless

One of my brothers got my room when I went to uni - he was doing exams and needed the quiet space. So I found a job and a bedsit - and was all sorted when it came to my finals. Didn't have to worry about two things at once - my job was waiting for me as soon as the ink was dry on my exam papers!

Unless you get a sofa bed in the living room for the girl and put your young son in the small room.

Why should the dd, who lives there full time, have to give up her room for the convenience of her brother who is only there EOW?

Is the norm now to kick a 19yo in the street just because they are 19yo??

No-one is being kicked in the street. This young man has a room at his mother's house, which is his primary residence.

So you expect to cart them out as soon as they turn 18. Will you be expecting your own son to move out once he turns 18? I suspect you won't! Maybe look for a bigger house, or fund an extension for your blended family!