18 and still coming every other weekend and lots of holidays

[mommabear2386]

Having a bedroom dilemma we have a 3 bed house and SD 16 (lived here full time for 9 months ) has the small room to herself and my two SS15& 19 have the larger double EOW and half holidays etc some random nights too.

Issue is our Bio som now 4 starts school on sept and has always shared our room so the boys kept there own space etc but I now want to move him into this room permanently and they can still share when over.

I want a double bed with a pullout / trundle underneath. Currently it's bunk beds for the two elder but they are two old for these now.

Issue is the 19 year old is still staying all the time and I kind of figured he would stop / be away at uni so it would only be the 15 year old to cater for in terms of beds.

Any advice??

I have no issue with large families, I have one. But I do have an issue with the parents blithely popping out another kid what vile language. We have absolutely no idea of the circumstances of conception. It could have been a tough time for them.

Anyway the children exist and are very much loved I am sure so all this having a go for their existence is a bit sick tbh.

It's ridiculous to think you can plan for every eventuality. Nobody could have predicted Covid - maybe the Mum and new partner both have work-from home offices in the 4 bedroom house she lives in. Maybe the new partner is really difficult and all the older children would flee to Dad if they could. Who knows? People successfully raise children in tiny spaces, worldwide. Look at Hong Kong:

There's another bedroom idea, op ...
Fabulous!
Just copy a HK sweatshop

It's temporary accommodation for 2 years. Not a sweatshop.

Anyway it's possible. The eldest just needs to compromise now. The youngest has done their share of compromising.

*I have no issue with large families, I have one. But I do have an issue with the parents blithely popping out another kid without a clue of how they will live and then expecting the kids to be the ones to sort out their lack of planning.

My family was planned properly not just done in the vague hope that "It'll be ok....."*

Every single large family I know moved younger siblings into the older child's room as soon as they left for university. None of them had huge 4/5/6 bed houses with rooms standing empty. These were not unplanned and hoping for the best as you seem to assume every parent that doesn't adhere to YOUR specific timeframe must be.

There is no reason why your one year after university rule is the standard or only way to do things, and even that may be reckless or unacceptable in the eyes of others who do things differently to you. Some parents may do it later, some earlier with perhaps some other help like paying towards rent/deposit for the young adult. There are lots of different ways to actively handle your grown up kids moving out.

The accommodation may not be to your taste (or mine!), but pound to a penny, those children will grow up to be good citizens, regardless.

@aSofaNearYou but the son hasn’t moved away to university. I get moving children around so the younger one isn’t always in the box room, but I wouldn’t be expecting a student to be sleeping on a blow up bed etc if they hadn’t actually left home

Set of bunks with a trundle underneath. DS gets the bottom bunk and when DSS are over one of them gets the top bunk and other gets the trundle or you get a sofa bed or air mattress for sitting room/dining room and one DSS goes in there when they visit.

I feel like I might lose my mind if I hear that sentence one more time.

Yes, I know he hasn't moved in. In the examples I gave, the older children didn't have a choice. They NEEDED to leave home and were aware their younger siblings would be needing their room. The same is true here.

The decisions on how to change up the house and the sleeping arrangements should have been done BEFORE the baby was even conceived, not nearly 5 years later!

And maybe they DID plan! You don't know their circumstances!
Maybe 5 years ago the sds's were only eow. Maybe they were ft with their dm. Maybe something has changed with their dm in the meantime such as home offices due to Covid. Maybe at aged 14/15 sds being in uni accommodation seemed a financial reality. Maybe sds flunked some exams and didn't get his uni of choice which might have been at the other end of the country. Maybe op struggled to conceive. Maybe her age dictated when she had a baby. Maybe they were planning to move pre/post baby but finances scuppered that. Maybe someone lost a job.
There are endless possibilities NONE of which are your business.
Not everyone can plan life to meticulous suggestion as per your assertion.
Again, I'll state the op asked for advice on how to switch things around and now, as well as being vilified for 'booting out' a 19 year old (words which she didn't say & which have been put in her mouth) she's also being vilified for not having remodelled her house on time!
Jesus Wept! This board just defies all logic and empathy.

It's the father who should be trying to sort this - 4 kids was clearly at least one too many financially for him

There's no clearly about it! This is what people are trying to say. It's only "clear" if your assumption is they MUST have a dedicated bedroom in their 20s.

I think this family are a long way off a 5 bedroom house! There's never been a dedicated bedroom.

Just saying it's someone else's problem doesn't solve the problem

I think this family are a long way off a 5 bedroom house! There's never been a dedicated bedroom.

Shared bedrooms are also a valid approach to raising kids.

Another person who is here to judge, without any intention of helping solve the problem....

tbf @Magda72 the title itself basically says that her dsc staying over eow plus hols is an issue….

which explains why people have been reacting like they are.

None of the kids in OPs posts are in their 20s. The title says 18 and the body of the post says 19. The fourth child has been here for 4 years when the oldest was 14/15 - ar eyou saying you would have expected a 14 year old to also move out and live independently to make space for any new child?

None of the kids in OPs posts are in their 20s. The title says 18 and the body of the post says 19. The fourth child has been here for 4 years when the oldest was 14/15 - ar eyou saying you would have expected a 14 year old to also move out and live independently to make space for any new child?

He's 19. So his 20s will start in less than a year.

And no I would have probably done what OP has been doing and made do with the toddler in with me whilst the eldest was still a dependant, younger teen. Though in truth I wouldn't have kept them in with me until they were 4, and I would have placed them having a space in the shared room as a higher priority than a child who only came EOW.

But what I would have done when the oldest child was not a young adult with many options as to where to live is largely irrelevant. He IS now.

He is learning to drive but in all honestly (and this isn't me being mean it's just pure fact) he has zero interest In social life or getting a job etc the one benefit our house has for him over his mums is that we leave him alone in terms of routine / bed /mealsetc whereas mums is quite strict still. Also he games constantly and dad also enjoys playing at times sorbet play together EOW late at night which is fine but I think this is a main reason he comes still as he's not bothered about ever coming for just tea / family trips out etc

He has asked why dad doesn't on playing online the weekends he's at his mum ans DH said because he's watching films with me / playing with toddler etc etc so he only really plays when the boys are around.

I feels this would make a difference or the staying over but I'm not giving up family time for gaming 🤣🤣

He was accepted into Leeds and Manchester for engineering but ultimately doesn't want to live away which we are sad about as it would have broadened his horizons loads but happy that's he's around more and he is comfortable I guess. He grades are top notch and he's incredibly intelligent just lacking social side really

I think a mattress under the bunks is the solution for another year or two max until 21/22 then if he's still coming to stay over constantly in a full time job ( I really can see it!) we will have to make it clear stAying overnight is limited and it's on a sofa.

people are correct when the boys have to realise that our son is now also very much in that room with some toys being out on there now and his own bedding etc it might become slightly less attractive because they currently have it alone and literally no one bothered them at all but that's just not realistic anymore.

I have always accepted ( and been happy with) one child knowing my partner had three already. If it matters any the 19 year old isn't actually my partners son but his step son from the other marriage but he took him on at 4 and his own dad disappeared, it makes no difference to anything but worth a note I guess.

Again note worthy is when SD moved in with us she had her own room at mums and that was taken away straight away and give to younger brothers and she doesn't have a bed at mums at all so never goes. This is what I want to avoid here with the 19 year old as i know SD felt very pushed out and now wants no relationship (whole other thread)

@MumbleAlwaysMumble where in the title has op mentioned the word issue?

@mommabear2386

You have chosen your name well 🤗