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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I finally had enough today

277 replies

PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:01

My husband has been an utter arse today. I've been off work due to the school holidays and looking after my own DC and had agreed to also mind DSS (9) whilst DH worked.

We had an argument last night which spilled over to today and the final straw was him telling me to fuck off in front of all the DC this morning when I tried to speak to him and him sending me shitty messages when he got into work.

So I told him the free kids club was over and I've just got back from dropping DSS off at his work (he's self employed).

DSS doesn't actually mind going there as he has a spare computer and can watch Netflix / play games in the office so he was fine but H will be fuming I'm sure.

OP posts:
LadyCluck · 13/04/2022 15:35

As someone who has been in a similar position I don’t blame you OP.

Threetulips · 13/04/2022 15:38

Good! He doesn’t get benefits by being unkind. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t give him the right to treat you badly.

Moonface123 · 13/04/2022 15:41

Never tolerate a man bad mouthing you, especially infront of your kids. Kids will mirror the same ugly behaviour further on down the line, its a terrible example.
l personally don't blame you doing what you did, your husband doesn't respect or appreciate you, l would be seriously questioning if its in your best interests to stay in this type of relationship, who needs a man bad mouthing you and sending nasty texts when life doesn't go his way ?

TiddleyWink · 13/04/2022 15:42

Your relationship sounds hideous if this is how you treat each other. And your poor children having to witness it and be dragged into it Sad

I sincerely hope for their sake you’re planning your separation now, or are they going to be exposed to and dragged into this sort of crap for the rest of their childhood?

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:45

how you treat each other

I actually tried to be nothing but pleasant this morning and especially in front of the DC. He's the one who brought them into it by saying what he did in front of them. Without that they'd not have even known about any argument.

OP posts:
Yellownightmare · 13/04/2022 16:07

@PuddleSticks

how you treat each other

I actually tried to be nothing but pleasant this morning and especially in front of the DC. He's the one who brought them into it by saying what he did in front of them. Without that they'd not have even known about any argument.

Is this why he's divorced? Genuine question, not being snarky.

No need for swearing at your partner like that. He doesn't sound very mature or caring.

BreadGenius · 13/04/2022 16:08

You did the right thing.

TheDuchess1979 · 13/04/2022 16:13

It’s not “free childcare” or “a favour” to look after your step son. I think you’ve been out of order on this one. And I’ve been a step-parent for over 20 years.

SnowingInApril · 13/04/2022 16:13

I wouldn’t stand for anyone speaking to me like that in front of my children.
Team OP for sure.

Mumoblue · 13/04/2022 16:15

He certainly shouldn’t be swearing at you, especially not in front of the kids.

You say you’ve had enough- but have you actually? Have you got a plan for later on when he’s off work? I imagine it’s all going to blow up again.

harriethoyle · 13/04/2022 16:16

Good for you OP. Sounds like boundaries needed to be drawn very robustly. Hope he's learnt his lessons and you now have time to think about whether you want your life together to continue.

KylieKoKo · 13/04/2022 16:16

@TheDuchess1979

It’s not “free childcare” or “a favour” to look after your step son. I think you’ve been out of order on this one. And I’ve been a step-parent for over 20 years.
Erm. Yes it is. Parents aren't entitled to their partner looking after their children, especially if they swear at them in front of the children.
NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 13/04/2022 16:16

@theduchess1979

Why? It's not ops responsibility to parent his child, vice versa her partner isn't obligated to provide care to her children.
You talk sh*t to your childminder, don't expect them to keep providing a service for you.

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 16:18

@TheDuchess1979

It’s not “free childcare” or “a favour” to look after your step son. I think you’ve been out of order on this one. And I’ve been a step-parent for over 20 years.
It is though isn't it. I'm looking after his child so he can work during the school holidays when he'd otherwise need to take the time off... I.e. a favour
OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 13/04/2022 16:18

@TheDuchess1979

It’s not “free childcare” or “a favour” to look after your step son. I think you’ve been out of order on this one. And I’ve been a step-parent for over 20 years.
That's exactly what it is.

You've done the right thing OP. People don't deserve favours when they are rude to you.

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 16:19

What would call it if not a favour? Considering I'm not under any actual obligation to take time off work to care for my step child?

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 13/04/2022 16:21

What happens if he ever needs to look after your kids when you're at work?

lemongreentea · 13/04/2022 16:22

Poor child to be in the middle of that. Sure it will him great memories of you when he grows up.

Your husband is also am arse.

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 16:22

@Babyroobs

What happens if he ever needs to look after your kids when you're at work?
My kids are his kids, that wasn't clear.
OP posts:
Eightiesfan · 13/04/2022 16:23

I think everyone is missing the point, the way the OP was spoken to is outrageous especially in front of the children. DH should have taken time off work to look after his DS.

MyDcAreMarvel · 13/04/2022 16:23

benefitting from childcare your poor ds you don’t view him as one of the family do you.

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 16:23

@lemongreentea

Poor child to be in the middle of that. Sure it will him great memories of you when he grows up.

Your husband is also am arse.

He was fine with going.
OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 13/04/2022 16:23

sds

flaglady · 13/04/2022 16:23

@TheDuchess1979

It’s not “free childcare” or “a favour” to look after your step son. I think you’ve been out of order on this one. And I’ve been a step-parent for over 20 years.
Yes it is. The child has two parents. They can sort parenting responsibilities between themselves or ask OP for a favour.
DontStopMeNow7 · 13/04/2022 16:26

YANBU. If that’s all you need to know.

But DH telling you to f* off in front of the children is unacceptable. What was the argument about and how is your marriage otherwise? This really isn’t okay.