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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I finally had enough today

277 replies

PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:01

My husband has been an utter arse today. I've been off work due to the school holidays and looking after my own DC and had agreed to also mind DSS (9) whilst DH worked.

We had an argument last night which spilled over to today and the final straw was him telling me to fuck off in front of all the DC this morning when I tried to speak to him and him sending me shitty messages when he got into work.

So I told him the free kids club was over and I've just got back from dropping DSS off at his work (he's self employed).

DSS doesn't actually mind going there as he has a spare computer and can watch Netflix / play games in the office so he was fine but H will be fuming I'm sure.

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 20/04/2022 10:42

To swear at you like that in front of the children would be a dealbreaker for me. Your relationship has entirely broken down, he treats you with utter contempt and disrespect. I would be asking him to organise his own accommodation, and start a trial separation and/or couples counselling.

I could not be with a man that had so little respect for me. So it would signal the beginning of the end for me. Your children are witnessing a dreadful example of marriage and relationships, this will be damaging their world view and ultimately lead to their futures being tainted by a lack of boundaries/disrespect and abuse. Do you want this for them?

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 20/04/2022 11:40

5128gap · 14/04/2022 07:27

I think its perfectly possible to believe that the argument was not your fault OP, and the welfare of your DS is not your responsibility, while at the same time thinking what you did, while understandable, was not be the best course of action. Which tbf, is why you posted for opinions?
Your H sounds like a really horrible man. He hasn't become that overnight and he's not going to change from a morning of inconvenience. Nor imo should you try to change behaviour through punishment, as it doesn't address the issue, just leads to a constant battle ground of you did this, so I'll do that, which is not what a relationship should look like. A grown man is not a child to be taught a lesson or a puppy to train by rubbing his nose in it. Its way too late for that, his character is formed.
In your shoes I would not be staying with him.
Your gesture may have been empowering, but its a temporary victory. It won't bring about a long term resolution to that level of intrinsic disrespect, and if its a pattern, will turn the child into collateral damage. Which isn't your fault or responsibility, but still better avoided.
Its also puts the focus onto your behaviour. Its all become about what you did, on one occasion, which is a red herring, because the most pertinent part is how badly you're treated on many occasions. I don't think that will change, however much you try to fight back.

I think this is spot on and if he's anything like my not so 'd' H then this will all become about how you reacted and how unacceptable that is, with lots of gaslighting thrown in to put the blame for all of this on you.

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