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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I finally had enough today

277 replies

PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:01

My husband has been an utter arse today. I've been off work due to the school holidays and looking after my own DC and had agreed to also mind DSS (9) whilst DH worked.

We had an argument last night which spilled over to today and the final straw was him telling me to fuck off in front of all the DC this morning when I tried to speak to him and him sending me shitty messages when he got into work.

So I told him the free kids club was over and I've just got back from dropping DSS off at his work (he's self employed).

DSS doesn't actually mind going there as he has a spare computer and can watch Netflix / play games in the office so he was fine but H will be fuming I'm sure.

OP posts:
Minikievs · 13/04/2022 15:06

Why is it your DSS's fault that his dad is a twat?

pictish · 13/04/2022 15:09

Yes why are you using ds as a weapon in your argument? Was the argument about childcare?

Bananalanacake · 13/04/2022 15:11

It's not your step sons fault.

purplecorkheart · 13/04/2022 15:12

Sorry but I think that you are being unfair to dss. Not fair to use him as weapon in you fight with your dh.

SpinningMeSoftly · 13/04/2022 15:13

Everyone has their limits

Bananarama21 · 13/04/2022 15:14

I think that was a shitty thing to do to the kid tbh. How shit must he have felt especially the other siblings at home.

MissyB1 · 13/04/2022 15:14

Good for you I would have done the same. No doubt you will be berated on here though.

MissyB1 · 13/04/2022 15:16

And op isn’t using her stepchild as a weapon she’s simply expecting his twat of a dad to look after him. What’s so bad about this child’s dad having to look after his own kid?

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:19

DSS quite happy to go. He tends to end up getting pocket money for help his Dad when he goes to work with him. It's H who'd have found it annoying/distracting which I couldn't give a toss about frankly.

OP posts:
FloBot7 · 13/04/2022 15:19

Everyone has a breaking point and I'd probably have done the same. You're going to get a lot of flack on here but ultimately the DSS's well-being is his father's responsibility. He can deal with the situation however he likes.

Though yes, it helps a lot that he doesn't mind going there so at worst, he'll have his dad's shitty mood to deal with (and it sounds like he's used to that anyway).

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:20

@Bananarama21

I think that was a shitty thing to do to the kid tbh. How shit must he have felt especially the other siblings at home.
Other siblings are a baby and a toddler if it makes a difference. No similar aged child getting to stay home.
OP posts:
Babadook76 · 13/04/2022 15:21

@Minikievs

Why is it your DSS's fault that his dad is a twat?
At what point does she say that? Her oh is treating her like shit, verbally abusing her in front of the children, and carried on with the attitude and shitty text messages today. And then had the front to bugger off to work today and expect his girlfriend to provide free childcare for his son? Fuck that imo
timeisnotaline · 13/04/2022 15:21

I think it’s perfectly fair taking the child to work- any of us being singled out to go to dads work would have felt pretty special tbh! But it’s a minor detail in the much bigger problems you have. Congratulations on your new boundary, it sounds like you need a few more of them.

MissyB1 · 13/04/2022 15:22

As for telling you to fuck off bad enough to say it anyway (my dh has never uttered those words to me in 13 years of marriage), to say it in front of the kids was deliberately designed to humiliate you.
Make it crystal clear that’s the last time he ever does that.

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:23

@timeisnotaline

I think it’s perfectly fair taking the child to work- any of us being singled out to go to dads work would have felt pretty special tbh! But it’s a minor detail in the much bigger problems you have. Congratulations on your new boundary, it sounds like you need a few more of them.
This is exactly my thought process tbh. A boundary. You're not speaking to me like that whilst benefitting from childcare thank you!

If DSS hates it so much having to be at work with his dad (he doesn't) then H can come home with him

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 13/04/2022 15:23

Why is being looked after by his dad a punishment to DSS? Step parents can do no right on this board.

SpinningMeSoftly · 13/04/2022 15:25

Maybe what's really SHITTY is the OP's H treating her like a piece of crap when she's looking after his child. Maybe she's at the end of her tether and wants to set a boundary.

If the H was looking after her child and she treated him like a piece of crap and went off to her self-employment place, I doubt many people on here would back her up.

It's extremely demoralising and destabilising to be spoken to routinely like the shit off someone's shoe. It doesn't make for happy decisions. But no woman should have to tolerate being treated incredibly badly.

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:25

@Rtmhwales

Why is being looked after by his dad a punishment to DSS? Step parents can do no right on this board.
Hmm yes. Why is getting him to look after his own son 'using him as a weapon'?

I was doing him a favour. You don't get favours done for you if you're a twat.

OP posts:
Bonheurdupasse · 13/04/2022 15:26

@timeisnotaline

I think it’s perfectly fair taking the child to work- any of us being singled out to go to dads work would have felt pretty special tbh! But it’s a minor detail in the much bigger problems you have. Congratulations on your new boundary, it sounds like you need a few more of them.
This OP. And well done!
Bunnybingesoneggs · 13/04/2022 15:27

Imo he speaks to you like staff you quit.
Simple.
And now you need to decide if this is a long term resignation..

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:28

Imo he speaks to you like staff you quit.

🤣 Precisely!

OP posts:
namechangeranonymouse · 13/04/2022 15:30

Well done you. Enough shit taken and the kid will be fine with HIS parent.

ToiletGambles · 13/04/2022 15:31

If he's going to be an arse to you then why the hell should you look after his child? I'm sure DSS will survive with no mental scars and actually have a better day than being with a baby and a toddler anyway. I'm pleased it's his dad who will take the hardship from it! I hope you're ok, it's shit being a step parent at times and a thankless task nevermind your husband being an arsehole on top of it all!

Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:33

Was the argument about childcare?

No it wasn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
PuddleSticks · 13/04/2022 15:34

It wasn't an argument about childcare but I know it massively inconveniences his day Smile

OP posts: