Partner wants to send DD to Private

[Chowbella123]

How would you feel if you lived with your partner, their DD and my DS and your partner wanted to send her DD to private school but you can't afford it for your DS

I get it's her DD and her choice but there's implications such as joint finances which would be affected. They wouldn't be able to afford holidays with us and such. I feel there would be resentment between our children while growing up and her DD isn't o one to not brag.

How would you feel about it?

It's not just about holidays and days out and doing things separately though is it? The takeaway people are mentioning is an excellent example...and what if the household needs a new sofa / kitchen / boiler / car repair or some totally unexpected significant expense? What if someone falls really ill and being able to afford to go private rather than wait for NHS treatment would make a huge difference? It's an entirely different scenario to where the family just doesn't have enough money to fund these things, but in a scenario where a huge chunk of income has been diverted for the benefit of one household member only, everyone else is impacted. Unless the DP earns enough to make this choice and still contribute to all the things they would have done previously, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

I actually can't see how it would be possible for OP and her son to continue living with the DP and SD if this happens. As so many have pointed out OP will either end up funding the deficit in the household caused by the school fees, or they will effectively live as to separate families in one house, but tbh I can't see that working for very long.

As your partner’s daughter has a ‘huge’ inheritance, is there a chance that they could fund private school from that, rather than her own income?

@Magda72 ugh so well put as usual! I'm sorry your relationship was affected by so many external factors. No one deserves that, and you sound like a lovely person.

Anyway sorry for derailing this thread but I doubt anything useful is going to be added anyway.

Thanks @QuirkyTurtle .
@Chowbella123 you mentioned upthread that dp has savings. Is she not prepared to use these for private school?

I really think the OP needs to be more specific about how their partner is going to pay for private school. If all normal costs are covered, plus fees and there’s still some change at the end of the month (or a huge chunk of savings). Then her decision is perfectly financially valid. If she’s going to be going into debt and unable to cover even one takeaway or date night a month, then I can see why the relationship might struggle. I still believe she’s entitled to choose her daughters education over those things though.