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Original poster

Enemy number 1 because I wouldn't collect sick SC

363 replies

Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:27

I'm just recovering from being really unwell with a horrid virus (not Covid). I'm exhausted and have spent much of this week in bed with headaches, chills, aching and sore and swollen throat. Today is the first day I've felt able to move about a bit better but still knackered. I also have a year old son and stay home part time with him, I work 2 days a week but have been off sick. My son goes to nursery on those two days and has been with my parents for some of the week too (including this week) so I could rest during the day and today finally sort some bits of housework too.

I got a call earlier this afternoon from my step sons mother asking if I would be able to collect him from school as they've called to say he's not feeling well and she's at work. My husband is at work too but can't always have his phone on him so she'd not been able to get hold of him yet.

I said no because I was unwell and she'd have to collect him herself or try DH again. She put the phone down and I assume went to get him herself.

I had a text a couple of hours later basically saying it was disappointing I wouldn't help, she's really stressed with work and can't easily take the time out of the day blah blah.

It's not the first time she's treated me (due to the fact I work part time I assume) like her childcare.

Was I really being unreasonable?! Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:27

Including today that should say

OP posts:
tiredofthisshit21 · 06/01/2022 15:40

Nope not unreasonable at all - you're not her back-up childcare. And your husband needs to make more of an effort to be contactable whilst at work - it's his responsibility, not yours.

RoyKentsChestHair · 06/01/2022 15:40

If you were going out to collect your DS anyway then it could be a bit unfair not to help them out if they’re in a bind, but it would depend for me on how helpful she was when your h is unavailable for example. If she’s flexible and allows you and H to swap things around when it’s helpful to you I’d be more accommodating. I know if you feel ill it’s the last thing you need, but if you’re well enough to go out and collect your own DS it can’t be that bad.

Anythingbutsnow · 06/01/2022 15:42

I would have done it as I might need the favor returned one day.

RoyKentsChestHair · 06/01/2022 15:43

FWIW my ex only asked me to help out with childcare for his kids a couple of times. The last time it was clearly because neither he nor his ex had booked time off work for school hols, as his MiL was default childcare and she had the cheek to go on holiday so they had to do their own childcare for once. So they figured I’d help. I didn’t Grin However, for a couple of hours I would have done.

scooterbear · 06/01/2022 15:46

I'd have done it I think. Just in the cases that what I do for my own kids I'll do for my SC. I just think of them in practical terms as being the sane really.

WhatNoRaisins · 06/01/2022 15:50

Unless she does some favours for you she's being cheeky

Voltefarce · 06/01/2022 15:51

YANBU.

tiredofthisshit21 · 06/01/2022 15:52

I would have done it as I might need the favor returned one day.

In what world is she going to ever collect OP's kid?

LaBellina · 06/01/2022 15:53

Yanbu, it’s not your child and she’s not entitled to your help automatically.

Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:53

@RoyKentsChestHair

If you were going out to collect your DS anyway then it could be a bit unfair not to help them out if they’re in a bind, but it would depend for me on how helpful she was when your h is unavailable for example. If she’s flexible and allows you and H to swap things around when it’s helpful to you I’d be more accommodating. I know if you feel ill it’s the last thing you need, but if you’re well enough to go out and collect your own DS it can’t be that bad.
I'm going out to collect my son at 5 from my parents who are giving him tea etc... This was at 12pm.
OP posts:
LaBellina · 06/01/2022 15:53

I want to add, you also don’t owe her any explanation.

Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:54

@Anythingbutsnow

I would have done it as I might need the favor returned one day.
I highly doubt she would ever collect my child from school.
OP posts:
GiltEdges · 06/01/2022 15:55

If you were well enough to do "some bits of housework" today, then in your shoes I think I'd have helped out by collecting your SC on this occasion. Not because you owe their mother anything, but because they're a part of your family too and you were more available than either of their parents at that point in time.

sunlovingcriminal · 06/01/2022 15:56

Nope- you're not additional childcare. You said you couldn't make it as you felt poorly and that should be the end of it. Guilt tripping you afterwards was poor form. If they were still together then what would she have done? She would have to collect or he would.

I will help with my SC when I can, but it's at my discretion, and I shouldn't then be judged if I can't do it.

Foolsrule · 06/01/2022 15:57

Not your problem. I’d be tempted to text back that it’s disappointing that her perception of you is you’re an unpaid nanny! Plus you’re ill, so she can piss off! What would they have done if you weren’t on the scene? Coped, no doubt!

Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 16:00

What would they have done if you weren’t on the scene? Coped, no doubt!

This is what pisses me off. It's not the first time I feel she has expected her life to be easier because I'm at home (a decision I made for my son not her).

OP posts:
museumum · 06/01/2022 16:01

She’s taking her frustrations with her children’s father out in you. She’s NBU to be frustrated he can’t help out more equally but is BU to presume you’ll step in for him. Is your dh equally as unhelpful with your dc?

Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 16:01

By some housework I mean I put a wash on and loaded the dishwasher then got back in bed! I've not even been able to do that the past few days.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 06/01/2022 16:01

I think by the sheer fact that she 'expected' it of you would make me determined not to do it. You've been ill, he's ill; what makes her think you're in any state to look after him or go and collect him? What makes her think you want to put yourself at more risk of picking something else up when you're recovering yourself? Her child, her monkeys.

Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 16:04

@museumum

She’s taking her frustrations with her children’s father out in you. She’s NBU to be frustrated he can’t help out more equally but is BU to presume you’ll step in for him. Is your dh equally as unhelpful with your dc?
DH would have helped tbf, he just didn't answer the phone right away. By the time he realised she had already collected him I think.

DH has been really helpful with DS, especially recently when I've been ill collecting from nursery/my parents after work and then sorting out everything in the evening and taking him back in the morning. He just can't always have his phone on him at work during certain periods so can sometimes be hard to get hold of for patches of the day.

OP posts:
Glitterygreen · 06/01/2022 16:12

@museumum

She’s taking her frustrations with her children’s father out in you. She’s NBU to be frustrated he can’t help out more equally but is BU to presume you’ll step in for him. Is your dh equally as unhelpful with your dc?
What makes you so sure he's unhelpful and doesn't do his equal share though? He is only in the exact same position as the mum, at work.

I think you're well within your rights here OP, especially as presumably it's not just a case of a quick collection but also that she'd be expecting you to look after SS until either she or your husband get home.

That message she sent you is unbelievable, would she sent a message like that to her mother or a friend who she'd asked for this favour? I doubt it. Her son is not your responsibility.

Smidgy · 06/01/2022 16:19

Does she know you're unwell?

Blendiful · 06/01/2022 16:20

It would depend partly on how old SC is, can they take care of themselves and need nothing until she or DH get him?

How far is school to collect and would DH have come home to look after when he realised you’d got him.

However if you own DC is elsewhere because you can’t do the bits you need and then look after a DC too, then you shouldn’t be expect to have DSC. It’s unfortunate they are unwell and need collecting but it’s not your job to do it. You aren’t childcare and if you can help, great, if not, that’s unfortunate but the way it is. It shouldn’t be assumed that on your days off you are available to fill in. She can ask, but if the answers no she has no right to be annoyed at that.

Glitterygreen · 06/01/2022 16:23

@Smidgy

Does she know you're unwell?
Surely this shouldn't matter? He has 2 parents and OP isn't one of them.

What mum was asking for was a favour, which OP didn't feel able to do for her at that time - I highly doubt she would have sent such a shitty message to anyone else she asked if they'd been unable to help out at short notice like this.

That sense of entitlement would put me off helping out in the future tbh.