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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Enemy number 1 because I wouldn't collect sick SC

363 replies

Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:27

I'm just recovering from being really unwell with a horrid virus (not Covid). I'm exhausted and have spent much of this week in bed with headaches, chills, aching and sore and swollen throat. Today is the first day I've felt able to move about a bit better but still knackered. I also have a year old son and stay home part time with him, I work 2 days a week but have been off sick. My son goes to nursery on those two days and has been with my parents for some of the week too (including this week) so I could rest during the day and today finally sort some bits of housework too.

I got a call earlier this afternoon from my step sons mother asking if I would be able to collect him from school as they've called to say he's not feeling well and she's at work. My husband is at work too but can't always have his phone on him so she'd not been able to get hold of him yet.

I said no because I was unwell and she'd have to collect him herself or try DH again. She put the phone down and I assume went to get him herself.

I had a text a couple of hours later basically saying it was disappointing I wouldn't help, she's really stressed with work and can't easily take the time out of the day blah blah.

It's not the first time she's treated me (due to the fact I work part time I assume) like her childcare.

Was I really being unreasonable?! Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

OP posts:
FanGirlX · 06/01/2022 18:31

issue here about where your sense of responsibility lies if you can pick up your child while ill but not a stepchild

There is no issue. OP is responsible for her own child. OP is not responsible for another child.

Is OP also responsible for her neighbour's children, her colleague's children, in your opinion?

Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 18:31

That makes it even worse! She clearly was able to go and get him but wanted you to put yourself out for her career. Ffs. It just gets worse

Well yes, this is what annoys me and it isn't the first time it's happened. Since I've had my son and decided to stay home with him, she thinks that I'm available whenever she needs on her time as well. She's always doing it. It's like me being a PT SAHM should make her life easier as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 18:33

[quote Kbyodjs]@stingofthebutterfly if the child comes first then surely he would want his mum to pick him up when he’s ill? The OP didn’t leave him to stay in school, she just expected his mum to leave work.
How is expecting his mum to pick him up not putting the child first?[/quote]
Yes exactly. I didn't expect him to stay at school. I expected him to get picked up by his mum or maybe even his dad if she got hold of him. Like I've had to do before picking my son up from nursery when he's poorly even if it's inconvenient. Surprisingly I didn't ring her and ask her to do it.

OP posts:
KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 18:34

That makes the child her responsibility by proxy. They come as a pair. it really doesn't

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 18:35

issue here about where your sense of responsibility lies if you can pick up your child while ill but not a stepchild

The same responsibility for her child as the mum has for HER child. When you’re a mum you don’t get to opt out. That’s why she went to care for her son.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 18:38

@Kikkkkk

That makes it even worse! She clearly was able to go and get him but wanted you to put yourself out for her career. Ffs. It just gets worse

Well yes, this is what annoys me and it isn't the first time it's happened. Since I've had my son and decided to stay home with him, she thinks that I'm available whenever she needs on her time as well. She's always doing it. It's like me being a PT SAHM should make her life easier as well.

DH needs to make clear it's not on
LoveGoldberg · 06/01/2022 18:38

It’s an unequal set up
Yes OP, 50:50 is massively unequal. It’s also unfair that you live with your husband but his ex doesn’t so she will be moving in tomorrow. You can take it in turns to sleep with your husband because otherwise one child will notice daddy favours you over his ex. Actually even better, move out. Then both children have it equal, this is all your fault for meeting someone that wasn’t fresh out of the box and setting up a life together, how dare you.

Also it’s not fair that your lifestyle allows you to only work two days a week, please immediately retrain and do the same job and the same hours as his ex.

FanGirlX · 06/01/2022 18:44

OP all hell broke loose with DSD's mum once.

DSD was at the same school as my nephew and niece. My sis got stuck in traffic on the way back from a work trip once and I was WFH, she asked me to pick up niece and nephew, so I went and picked them up, fed them and put them in front of the tv as I was still working (it was a last minute, emergency situation, I'm normally a more engaging kid sitter). DSD's mum saw me at the school and sent ex DP and I a whole barrage of texts demanding that as I WFH and can find the time to pick up niece and nephew then I should be picking up DSD too. This went on for weeks, I ignored her then blocked her.

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 18:50

DSD's mum saw me at the school and sent ex DP and I a whole barrage of texts demanding that as I WFH and can find the time to pick up niece and nephew then I should be picking up DSD too. This went on for weeks, I ignored her then blocked her.

I’m glad you ignored that nonsense. I don’t know what is wrong with some people.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 18:53

@FanGirlX thats just so weird!

FanGirlX · 06/01/2022 19:00

@funinthesun19 @KiloWhat

I'm just trying to show some balance. SMs are damned if they do and damned if they don't. They are wrong if they want to get involved in the SC life - because that child already has a mother. Then they are also wrong if they don't drop everything to deal with an SC - even though that child already has a mother.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 19:07

@Puremule

He lives with you half the week but you wouldn't pick him up from school when he was sick?? Lousy.
He lives with his mum half the week and she didn't want to pick him up either. Lousy.
lookingforadvice21 · 06/01/2022 19:11

Yup I'd have done it if I could have and if I'd have done it for my own child... marrying someone or choosing to have children with someone who already has kids should mean that you treat those children like your own.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 19:12

@lookingforadvice21

Yup I'd have done it if I could have and if I'd have done it for my own child... marrying someone or choosing to have children with someone who already has kids should mean that you treat those children like your own.
Where is that bingo card?
FanGirlX · 06/01/2022 19:15

@lookingforadvice21

Yup I'd have done it if I could have and if I'd have done it for my own child... marrying someone or choosing to have children with someone who already has kids should mean that you treat those children like your own.
Unfortunately, the mother tends not to be too happy about another woman behaving as though those children are her own.
Puremule · 06/01/2022 19:17

@Getyourarseofffthequattro She was in work. It is not easy to drop everything when you are in work...especially in a pandemic. especially when there are numerous people missing out isolating, she was left with NO alternative other than leave her job and get her child. NO OTHER CHOICE. Saying she didn't want to or could not be bothered is ridiculous. Can YOU just walk out of work as soon as you get a phone call? Maybe she is in healthcare looking after others and it is really difficult to leave. I also agree that a step child should come as part of a package. I hope OP is never stuck when her own child is older and she goes back to work and her husband, like today, is unobtainable. Little apples will grow again.

Cannot, for the life of me understand how someone can refuse to pick up a child that lives with them half the week when they are sick. Like I said..LOUSY.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 19:22

Yes exactly. I didn't expect him to stay at school. I expected him to get picked up by his mum or maybe even his dad if she got hold of him. Like I've had to do before picking my son up from nursery when he's poorly even if it's inconvenient. Surprisingly I didn't ring her and ask her to do it

@Kikkkkk Why would you ring her? Her husband is not your child's father. YOUR husband is that child's father and therein lies the difference.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 19:22

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro She was in work. It is not easy to drop everything when you are in work...especially in a pandemic. especially when there are numerous people missing out isolating, she was left with NO alternative other than leave her job and get her child. NO OTHER CHOICE. Saying she didn't want to or could not be bothered is ridiculous. Can YOU just walk out of work as soon as you get a phone call? Maybe she is in healthcare looking after others and it is really difficult to leave. I also agree that a step child should come as part of a package. I hope OP is never stuck when her own child is older and she goes back to work and her husband, like today, is unobtainable. Little apples will grow again.

Cannot, for the life of me understand how someone can refuse to pick up a child that lives with them half the week when they are sick. Like I said..LOUSY.[/quote]
Unfortunately that's how it is when you have children.

How do you know she had NO alternative childcare?

Yes I can walk out of work when I get a phone call. Is it convenient? Not really. Do I have to do it? Erm yes. What else am I supposed to do.

Okay well you're not in that situation so it doesn't really matter what you can't understand does it!

Puremule · 06/01/2022 19:25

She has no alternative childcare because she had to leave herself and get the child??? That would scream no alternative childcare to me lol.

Good for you that you can walk out of work, this lady did exactly the same thing because OP would not help.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 19:28

@Puremule

She has no alternative childcare because she had to leave herself and get the child??? That would scream no alternative childcare to me lol.

Good for you that you can walk out of work, this lady did exactly the same thing because OP would not help.

Oh boo hoo. Woman has to pick her own child up from school. Ring the bloody papers.

Well it is good for me, yes. Why should she? Not her child. I wouldn't expect someone else who was not my child's parent who was also ill to go and pick my child up. I would simply do it myself like a normal person.

Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 19:31

@Puremule

She has no alternative childcare because she had to leave herself and get the child??? That would scream no alternative childcare to me lol.

Good for you that you can walk out of work, this lady did exactly the same thing because OP would not help.

Is leaving work to pick up a sick child like a new concept for you or something? I've had to do it myself a few times now and my son is only 1!
OP posts:
Puremule · 06/01/2022 19:33

@Getyourarseofffthequattro the child LIVES with her half the time. Eats there, sleeps there, goes to school from there. Her husband is the child's father. She must have feelings towards the child. Surely she should love him?

Surely you would actually WANT to help? Seems like the Op is of the same calibre of character yourself though. Not my kid, not my problem but will be putting him to bed tomorrow evening in her house...la la lousy.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 19:35

Not a new concept OP but the fact you would not help is lousy. Part of you must have an inkling that it is lousy or you would not have asked the question.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 19:38

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro the child LIVES with her half the time. Eats there, sleeps there, goes to school from there. Her husband is the child's father. She must have feelings towards the child. Surely she should love him?

Surely you would actually WANT to help? Seems like the Op is of the same calibre of character yourself though. Not my kid, not my problem but will be putting him to bed tomorrow evening in her house...la la lousy.[/quote]
since you like caps.... HE IS NOT HER CHILD AND SHE WAS ILL.

she may well love him but ITS NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY.

she is Ill. I DONT WANT TO START DOING FAVOURS WHEN IM ILL. DO YOU?

Why do you think she'll put him to bed when SHE HAS A HUSBAND WHO IS HIS ACTUAL DAD

FanGirlX · 06/01/2022 19:42

She was in work. It is not easy to drop everything when you are in work.

She is also the mother of a child, a child that is 50% her responsibility, a child that got sick and needed picking up when she was responsible for him. Do you not think this child's mother should have any responsibility for her own child?