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Original poster

Enemy number 1 because I wouldn't collect sick SC

363 replies

Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:27

I'm just recovering from being really unwell with a horrid virus (not Covid). I'm exhausted and have spent much of this week in bed with headaches, chills, aching and sore and swollen throat. Today is the first day I've felt able to move about a bit better but still knackered. I also have a year old son and stay home part time with him, I work 2 days a week but have been off sick. My son goes to nursery on those two days and has been with my parents for some of the week too (including this week) so I could rest during the day and today finally sort some bits of housework too.

I got a call earlier this afternoon from my step sons mother asking if I would be able to collect him from school as they've called to say he's not feeling well and she's at work. My husband is at work too but can't always have his phone on him so she'd not been able to get hold of him yet.

I said no because I was unwell and she'd have to collect him herself or try DH again. She put the phone down and I assume went to get him herself.

I had a text a couple of hours later basically saying it was disappointing I wouldn't help, she's really stressed with work and can't easily take the time out of the day blah blah.

It's not the first time she's treated me (due to the fact I work part time I assume) like her childcare.

Was I really being unreasonable?! Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

OP posts:
Flowerpower23 · 06/01/2022 17:14

You’re not unreasonable but I would personally not like the thought of a poorly child sat on their own at school feeling like no one wants to collect them. So for that reason I would go & do my best to look after them. Do you have affection for them at all? I would find it hard to leave them ill at school for longer than needs be if I did.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 17:15

@Flowerpower23

You’re not unreasonable but I would personally not like the thought of a poorly child sat on their own at school feeling like no one wants to collect them. So for that reason I would go & do my best to look after them. Do you have affection for them at all? I would find it hard to leave them ill at school for longer than needs be if I did.
Not OP's fault their own parents can't collect them. Why is a 3rd adult needed?
PuppyMonkey · 06/01/2022 17:16

Don’t reply to the text until tomorrow evening. Then say: “Only just seen your message as I have been ill in bed until now.”

Flowerpower23 · 06/01/2022 17:20

Yeah but it’s not the child’s fault either.

Ozanj · 06/01/2022 17:21

You can work p/t because your DH facilitates it by, presumably, not having his son living with him permanently or only EOW. The child’s mum doesn’t get that luxury I presume.

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 17:21

Even if you wasn’t ill, be careful. She clearly thinks that because you work part time in order to provide care for your son then you’re on call for dsc or you’re there to provide childcare.
She can be disappointed all she likes. It’s none of her business what you do.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 17:22

@Ozanj

You can work p/t because your DH facilitates it by, presumably, not having his son living with him permanently or only EOW. The child’s mum doesn’t get that luxury I presume.
Don't assume that. I work part time. DH does not facilitate this.
Interrobanger · 06/01/2022 17:22

@Kikkkkk

By some housework I mean I put a wash on and loaded the dishwasher then got back in bed! I've not even been able to do that the past few days.
Beside the point, but is there any reason your husband couldn't have done this while you were sick?

YANBU to say no. You didn't take the hit to your earnings in order to make her life easier.

Also she really shouldn't be ringing you directly. There needs to be a stricter boundary there. Childcare arrangments for her DC need to be made between her and your ex, not you.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 17:24

@funinthesun19

Even if you wasn’t ill, be careful. She clearly thinks that because you work part time in order to provide care for your son then you’re on call for dsc or you’re there to provide childcare. She can be disappointed all she likes. It’s none of her business what you do.
I agree. Your life is none of her business.

I'd be so tempted to reply that you are disappointed she has spoken to you like at and ask her to stop contacting you.

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 17:25

You can work p/t because your DH facilitates it by, presumably, not having his son living with him permanently or only EOW.

What? Confused Op working part time is nothing to do with how often he has dsc. The mum will want to see her child too.
And op working part time facilitates him working full time as he doesn’t need to provide any care for his youngest while she’s not working full time. Meaning he brings in more money to provide for his children. So I think op does enough for the family unit.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 17:25

Why does she think you even care about her disappointment. Weird.

Ozanj · 06/01/2022 17:25

Of course he does. Your son gets you at home half the week for childcare so you don’t have to pay for it. Your dsc has a mum who has to work p/t and probably has to take care of the kids for the most of the week too. It’s an unequal set up and tbh in your husband’s position I would be reviewing whether your working pt even works for the family if you aren’t prepared to pick up his child when he’s sick on your off days.

Ozanj · 06/01/2022 17:26

f/t

Newyearnewme2022 · 06/01/2022 17:26

YANBU. Hell no, block her.

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 17:26

Because the mum is clearly her boss Hmm

Ozanj · 06/01/2022 17:27

@funinthesun19

You can work p/t because your DH facilitates it by, presumably, not having his son living with him permanently or only EOW.

What? Confused Op working part time is nothing to do with how often he has dsc. The mum will want to see her child too.
And op working part time facilitates him working full time as he doesn’t need to provide any care for his youngest while she’s not working full time. Meaning he brings in more money to provide for his children. So I think op does enough for the family unit.

She couldn’t be asked to pick up his son when he was sick on her off-day. I wouldn’t call that doing enough for the family.
sassbott · 06/01/2022 17:27

This thread gets better and better 😂😂😂. The sheer entitlement of some people.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 17:27

@Ozanj

Of course he does. Your son gets you at home half the week for childcare so you don’t have to pay for it. Your dsc has a mum who has to work p/t and probably has to take care of the kids for the most of the week too. It’s an unequal set up and tbh in your husband’s position I would be reviewing whether your working pt even works for the family if you aren’t prepared to pick up his child when he’s sick on your off days.
It doesn't have to be an equal set up.

DH is no longer married to mum so has no obligation to help facilitate her career choices.

Glitterygreen · 06/01/2022 17:28

When you take on stepchildren - you take on a level of responsibility for them too, I don’t think it was unreasonable for her to ask, she was clearly in a tight spot, it wasn’t unreasonable for you to decline under the circumstances if you feel poorly but if you wedge an issue here about where your sense of responsibility lies if you can pick up your child while ill but not a stepchild.

I don't agree re the responsibility thing but aside from that - OP doesn't have an issue that she was asked, she has an issue with the shitty, entitled message she received after she'd said she was unable to help.

sweetbellyhigh · 06/01/2022 17:28

She wasn't really asking was she, she had already decided you should.

You did well. Don't let her manipulative stance unsettle you.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 17:29

She couldn’t be asked to pick up his son when he was sick on her off-day. I wouldn’t call that doing enough for the family. she was busy being ill. Just like mum was too busy working and dad was too busy and unreachable.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 17:29

@Glitterygreen

When you take on stepchildren - you take on a level of responsibility for them too, I don’t think it was unreasonable for her to ask, she was clearly in a tight spot, it wasn’t unreasonable for you to decline under the circumstances if you feel poorly but if you wedge an issue here about where your sense of responsibility lies if you can pick up your child while ill but not a stepchild.

I don't agree re the responsibility thing but aside from that - OP doesn't have an issue that she was asked, she has an issue with the shitty, entitled message she received after she'd said she was unable to help.

Yup it's the message that was the issue.

So entitled.

She needs to remember who OP is in relation to her child.

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 17:30

It’s an unequal set up and tbh in your husband’s position I would be reviewing whether your working pt even works for the family if you aren’t prepared to pick up his child when he’s sick on your off days.

If it’s unequal in that the ex gets less out of it, that’s not the OP’s problem.
The husband would be a controlling arse and would be cutting his nose off to spite his face if he started causing a fuss.

Glitterygreen · 06/01/2022 17:30

@Flowerpower23

You’re not unreasonable but I would personally not like the thought of a poorly child sat on their own at school feeling like no one wants to collect them. So for that reason I would go & do my best to look after them. Do you have affection for them at all? I would find it hard to leave them ill at school for longer than needs be if I did.
But their mum is leaving them there? Why should OP feel worse than her?!
funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 17:32

She couldn’t be asked to pick up his son when he was sick on her off-day. I wouldn’t call that doing enough for the family.

Because she doesn’t have to! The mum has no obligation to help anyone else so why on earth should the OP?