Why hasn't she even saved my phone no.?

[Maximum71]

I had to call the DSS's mum the other day. Her partner answered. He had no idea who was calling ... she hadn't saved my number in her phone. I have sent her messages in the past (once or twice) that we had taken the youngest child's phone off him as punishment- so she would be best to call me or DP if she wanted to speak to him and we would give him our phone to use. She never even responded. I have been their full time SM for almost 2 years now. She was given my number immediately. They had been split up 4 years before I came on the scene. I just think it's weird. I would definitely want to be in contact with the person doing all 'mum' things for my kids. She calls the kids quite frequently but the youngest can hardly be bothered to talk to her recently. Am I being too judgy judgy?

People are not "trolls" or "bitter mums" (what does that even mean?) just because they don't agree with you.

You don't have custody of the children. Their father does. He has decided to allow someone who has been involved for a very brief couple of years to have almost complete control and full responsibility for his children. That's not appropriate at all. Him being "terrible with his phone" is not good enough. He's a grown adult. He can check his phone at regular intervals. He can get a smart watch that would link to his phone. He should be available at all times when his children are not with him. You are annoyed that the children's mum doesn't have your number, when actually there would be no issue at all and no need for mum to have your number if your husband made himself available via phone as every other responsible parent does.

It's very good of you to take on so much of your husband's responsibility for his children and I'm sure it's hard work. But he shouldn't be allowing it and his decision to delegate responsibility for day-to-day care of his children to someone who has known them only a couple of years does not make it appropriate for their mother to have to answer to you. He should be dealing with all communication with her.