Expecting to see DC every weekend

[onemore123]

My DP of 18 months has his DD every Friday to Sunday morning.
I have been spending some time with them both but for last 6 months it seems that we spend every weekend together.

It wouldn't be an issue, but it seems that it become an expectation that I'm with them every weekend. I went to see friends last Saturday and it caused and argument. It appeared that DP thinks of us as a family and says we might as well stop seeing each other at all if I would rather spend time with friends than them.
As silly as it sounds, I feel trapped now and guilty for wanting to do something different at the weekend. How can I tell him that I'm not going to spend every weekend with them without him being hurt and relationship ending?
Has anyone been through similar?

Well there you go OP. He just wants you to do his parenting for you. What a knob.

*for him

The long and the short of it is that you are free childcare for him.

says we might as well stop seeing each other at all if I would rather spend time with friends than them

That sounds controlling as fuck. Sorry.

If he wants to go to work he can't have his daughter. That's the long and short of it.

@onemore123 your update makes it sound even worse - he is pissed at you going out because he actually has to get off his arse and parent. And i certainly wouldn't be picking up the slack so he can go to work.

He needs you to parent his child while he has a lie in. Run.

More red flags than Stalin's birthday party.
People who guilt trip you for having other people you care about in your life are abusive and not to be tolerated.
PP is correct, his childs existence is neither here not there.

Also why are you worried about hurting him. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings. Threatening to dump you if you don't act as his free childcare? Not on.

Ha! So you cant spend time with friends as its "family time" but he can go to work instead?

The very helpful thing about this situation is that he is being so ridiculously unreasomable that it should be clear as day that the sensible solution is to end the relationship. Theres no grey area here.

So your free child care with benefits.

You’re his free babysitter. He doesn’t want you there, he wants him to be able to not be there.

Sorry to say it sounds like your DP sees you more of a convenience now, rather than a girlfriend.
He’s got it cushty having you around to see to his DD when he decides to do something else, and he’s likely thinking he’s the good guy because he’s allowing you to spend time with his DD when many single parents take a long long time to allow that relationship to build. Speaking from experience, my ex has children and I didn’t meet them for months and made sure I didn’t have anything to do with them. I’m glad I wasn’t, I didn’t want to be a step mum either, and the thought of that being my future made it an easy decision to end the relationship

@whomoon

Sorry to say it sounds like your DP sees you more of a convenience now, rather than a girlfriend. He’s got it cushty having you around to see to his DD when he decides to do something else, and he’s likely thinking he’s the good guy because he’s allowing you to spend time with his DD when many single parents take a long long time to allow that relationship to build. Speaking from experience, my ex has children and I didn’t meet them for months and made sure I didn’t have anything to do with them. I’m glad I wasn’t, I didn’t want to be a step mum either, and the thought of that being my future made it an easy decision to end the relationship

‘He’ made sure I didn’t have anything to do with them

So it is OK for him to toddle off and leave you and his daughter alone for a length of time at the weekend, but it is not OK for you to do the same?

I agree with other posters. He wants you to be free childcare.

Well your update makes it all make sense. He doesn't see you as a "family" - he sees you as useful to keep around for childcare, and is blackmailing you by threatening to dump you if you're not available at his convenience.

Don't tolerate this.

* don't want to hurt him but I don't want to be unhappy either.*

Be assertive- tell him you’re not to be relied upon for childcare. Make plans EVERY weekend that don’t involve him. Don’t be there so he can have a lie in.

See how that goes. If he complains or tries to make you feel bad, i’d leave.

It's quite funny really how he's so transparent. Of course he wants you there, it's so that he doesn't have to be there.

Tell him bluntly. Hang on a minute, I'm not allowed to spend my weekend seeing friends because you expect me to be available as childcare for your daughter so that you can go out?? Are you really being serious that I can never make weekend plans of my own because I have to be available for you in case you want me to babysit?

Why do so many women allow themselves to be used in this way!
He’s not interested in you, he just wants a babysitter.
Leave. He’s a selfish arse and a shit parent and partner!

You are allowed to have a life and hobbies and friends that you see independently for your DP. It's healthy.

You do not need to spend every waking minute with him and his DD.

This is controlling behaviour.

He doesn't sound mature enough to have reasonable expectations.

I bet he fought his wife to have every weekend, too.

After your update I'm firmly with the pp that said you should chuck him!

He wants to do as he pleases while you parent his child. I hope you know that it's not on.