Am I just being petty? (Sharing Subscriptions etc)

[PingedPotato]

We pay for Netflix. The DSC wants to have the log on so they can watch it at mums. Fair enough I guess but then I thought no hang on.. we pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it. Also I don't want to go to watch something and be like oh no now I have to ask DH to text DSC to ask them to log off. Also they can see what I've been watching and it makes me feel a bit like privacy being invaded knowing mum can see all the dull documentaries I like to watch.

But then part of me feels like I'm just being petty.

What do all you other step families do with subscription services like netflix?

Lol 🤣 no I can assure you I would think it was petty whoever was being a tight arse.

I believe you.

But there’s no denying that if a SM posted saying she thinks she should be able to use her husband’s ex Netflix’s account she would get a very overwhelmingly negative response. At least she’d have you to stick up for her I guess .

Can we use her amazon prime account or does it only work one way?

No advice but DSS has logged into Disney plus on our tv and I watch it all the time when he is at his mums. 😂he has his own profile so I watch it through that. He knows I do it so I assume his Mum does too.

Of course!

*I don't have DSC and my DC don't have DSPs.

I have seen how tit for tat effects DSC everyday though. Overhearing toxic conversations about their other families and feeling like they have been shelved.*

So you are coming on here giving it out with 0 lived experience based on peoples overheard conversations. Right.

And you are saying other peoples conversations are toxic and fail to recognise your own ? 🤯 baffling

You know all us kids (step or not) all said the same thing, the adults had more issues with differences between households and families than we did. I also saw my DSS get torn a new one by her mum for not towing the party line of hate the second family. The adults caused the drama we just wanted to be kids and luckily my DSS had a strong head on her and she is my sister in all sense of the word.

As for your DC it very maybe that one day they do have a DSP and even before it's begun I can have a good stab out of how that's gonna go.

@PingedPotato

Thanks for all the people saying I am being petty. I did think I might be. It's so hard when you get caught in the semi regular boundary pushing to know what's reasonable and what is just me overthinking!

Personally I don't think you're being petty in the slightest, given what you've told us about how their mum is constantly asking for more. My DSD is an adult now, but her mum was like this when DSD was smaller. DH earns good money and always made sure maintenance payments reflected that, as well as helping with ad-hoc costs, and yet she was still always demanding more. If Netflix had been around back then I'm certain she'd have jumped at the chance to use our subscription for nothing. No doubt those who are calling 'petty' will think I am too, but there's a principle involved here - you give some people an inch and they'll take a mile.

And her seeing what we’ve been watching. That’s weirdly intrusive.

Ugh, I agree. That alone would be reason enough for me to refuse.

I don't think you personally should pay for Netflix at their mums

I DO think maintenance levels are woefully poor and it IS wrong he pays more for your dc than his older dc and I think paying for them to watch Netflix at their mums is the least HE Can do

Ultimately it's a luxury not a necessity they have plenty of other ways to watch things that don't involve Netflix

I have the min subscription at £5.99 which I share with dd (she's at uni)

But when I first had it years ago she was a bugger for giving the login to all and sundry at one point and I had to change it and NOT tell it her as her friends were taking the piss, inc one of her friends mums at one point TELLING me to get off MY Netflix account she was sponging (without my knowledge or consent!)!!

Total cheeky fucker!

If they have the tech to use it I find it hard to believe mum can't find £5.99 a month IF SHE CHOSE

It may be she has chosen not to get it in order to keep their screen use down?

I wouldn't have been happy if I'd chosen to not get a service like this or not allow dd to use it and her dad undermined me and gave her it without discussing with me.

Kids will say all sorts you may not be getting the full truth of the situation at mums.

Maybe she has it and doesn't want them using it, maybe she doesn't approve of such services etc

we got asked to put laptops and stuff on our policy.

Just as a btw that's fraud and if a claim were made you could be subject to serious consequences if caught I'd caution anyone against such ideas

@Nicolastar78 I'm kinda relieved I'm not the only one who's kid did this nonsense!

At the very least you could get multi user BUT sc mum pays the difference I think that's fair enough

I'm the ex wife I would never presume to use my exs accounts of this type his finances are separate from mine.

BUT if dd wanted it, I didn't have it as couldn't afford and he was ok with/wanted her to have it then I'd expect him to pay for it, give the login info to dd on the understanding that I didn't benefit would be absolutely fine with me.

HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT?! He pays her maintenance which wasn't reduced when our child was born. She can buy netflix with that if she deems it essential. That goes for other utilities like tv license, gas bill etc

And...this is the point at which you lose my sympathy.

Cos I'm betting the maintenance he pays is pretty poor, probably the govt min (excepting the fact you didn't reduce when your own child was born which is a small mercy but indicates to me he is paying cms min otherwise)

No I've bought their Xmas present it cost £10 for each of them.

And now I'm beginning to doubt the veracity of all this

I DO think maintenance levels are woefully poor and it IS wrong he pays more for your dc than his older dc and I think paying for them to watch Netflix at their mums is the least HE Can do

How do you know that @Graphista?

Cos I'm betting the maintenance he pays is pretty poor, probably the govt min (excepting the fact you didn't reduce when your own child was born which is a small mercy but indicates to me he is paying cms min otherwise)

And this?

"The min" isn't poor is it. The min is based in income and therefore different for everyone. "The min" on 100k for instance won't be small change.

Not worth getting worked up about.

My DCs have my netflix account and I know they shared it with their other sibling with their Dad. She then watches it with the her mother the OW!!!
Ex and OW separated - go figure that one!!

If the ex can't afford £5.99 a month for Netflix the she shouldn't have it simple. I'm sure the kids have the OPs login on their phones, tablets or computers.

Haha its against Netflixs t and Cs for households sharing they are cracking down on it I would not give them it tbh they can wait till they are at yours

I DO think maintenance levels are woefully poor and it IS wrong he pays more for your dc than his older dc and I think paying for them to watch Netflix at their mums is the least HE Can do

Netflix subscriptions have naff all to do with maintenance so I have no idea how you made that link.

Let them have it. Change the password after a few days 😂 if it stops working at their Mums house there's nothing you can do... then when they come back over, say you had to change the password in the end as it stopped working for you to.

Then give them new password, then change it when they go back 😂

Super petty - I have been known to do this 😂😂 their mum can pay at their house.. I pay for my own kids and their step mum doesn't pay for the Netflix here.. neither would I let her...
🙄🙄

@funinthesun19

I DO think maintenance levels are woefully poor and it IS wrong he pays more for your dc than his older dc and I think paying for them to watch Netflix at their mums is the least HE Can do

Netflix subscriptions have naff all to do with maintenance so I have no idea how you made that link.

So Netflix is something women should insist their ex pays for them. 😆

Ah mumsnet… 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Graphista
I did clarify later we would want their mums permission.

Cos I'm betting the maintenance he pays is pretty poor well you would lose that bet. I mentioned it didn't get lowered as someone else raised it.

No I've bought their Xmas present it cost £10 for each of them. did you read the rest of this post or just quote the bit that makes it sounds awful? Someone said we should just get it as their Christmas present. I said I had paid £10 for each and got them a present each and dad was getting them something big. This is what we do every year so they get something from their dad. We thought this was very important. We do exactly the same for our shared child before you judge that too.

@Dddccc

Haha its against Netflixs t and Cs for households sharing they are cracking down on it I would not give them it tbh they can wait till they are at yours

I did think that actually hmm

Just as a btw that's fraud and if a claim were made you could be subject to serious consequences if caught I'd caution anyone against such ideas and yes thanks we did realise this and refused

So Netflix is something women should insist their ex pays for them

I’m not sure if you’re being serious or sarcastic

Either way if they want Netflix they should pay for it themselves. How much their ex pays in maintenance is irrelevant.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro that 1st paragraph I meant to put

IF he is paying more for ops dc than his older dc

The min cms amounts are usually pretty poor most people aren't on 6 fig salaries and I'm certainly not getting the impression op's dh is a high earner

@funinthesun19 I mentioned it because op did herself

I did clarify later we would want their mums permission.

That's fair enough

You mentioned it didn't get lowered - which is what led me to the belief that the amount is the cms set amount? Which imo is usually far from enough

£10 is a very small amount to spend on a gift for a step child I was genuinely shocked at that. I've paid more for virtual strangers gifts! But even aside from that you're a family why isn't the big gift from both of you?

We do exactly the same for our shared child before you judge that too.

Not sure I understand this right do you mean your shared child gets a gift worth only around £10 from one of you and a larger gift from the other?

I have a tense relationship with my ex too but I get gifts for his dc when appropriate and I'd be embarrassed to spend that little. I'd be furious if dds stepmum did similar (she never would)

Re insurance fraud I realised you were aware thought it might be good info for others reading who weren't just in case

How much their ex pays in maintenance is irrelevant.

I disagree. Children from the earlier relationship shouldn't miss out on things dc from new relationship get as far as possible.

Too many men/nrps carry on procreating without considering that they have a responsibility to the children they already have.

Yes I only spent £10 on each of them and I have spent the same on my child. It is nice to try and find something meaningful with that budget. we felt it was important that the DSC get something from their dad. And then to make it fair when they are all sat there opening presents together we do the same for our shared DC.

And there is no issue with the amount of maintenance he pays.

I'm not sure what any of this has to do with netflix anymore.

Too many men/nrps carry on procreating without considering that they have a responsibility to the children they already have.

DH is well aware of his responsibilities. This is just about the principle of providing services in the other household.

You have spent £10 on your own child’s Christmas present?

* It is nice to try and find something meaningful with that budget.*

A budget of £10 per child in total for Christmas

I would love to know what you find “meaningful” on that budget

@lentilsforever

You have spent £10 on your own child’s Christmas present?

Yes, it is a couple of books. And DH is getting a bigger present.

I don't know why this is so weird.