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Am I just being petty? (Sharing Subscriptions etc)

390 replies

PingedPotato · 14/11/2021 18:23

We pay for Netflix. The DSC wants to have the log on so they can watch it at mums. Fair enough I guess but then I thought no hang on.. we pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it. Also I don't want to go to watch something and be like oh no now I have to ask DH to text DSC to ask them to log off. Also they can see what I've been watching and it makes me feel a bit like privacy being invaded knowing mum can see all the dull documentaries I like to watch.

But then part of me feels like I'm just being petty.

What do all you other step families do with subscription services like netflix?

OP posts:
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PingedPotato · 16/11/2021 06:51

Right so now my Christmas spending is being scrutinised. This place is bizarre. Its just like if it was secret santa, you don't have to spend lots to find something nice.

OP posts:
smartsnC · 16/11/2021 06:55

Personally think its petty, there are much more horrible things that could happen. Just let them make their own avatar to access and youll know if theyve been on yours as itll say shows recently watched etc.

lentilsforever · 16/11/2021 06:56

@PingedPotato

No but they are your husbands!

AND? My DC is also my husbands. So if anyone with a kid with my husband has to pay for the other household to have netflix then the same should go for horse riding lessons.

But you said the mother pays for horse riding lessons.

The mother is no blood relation to your children.
Whereas you’re talking about your DH’s children.

So not the best analogy

lentilsforever · 16/11/2021 06:57

@PingedPotato

Right so now my Christmas spending is being scrutinised. This place is bizarre. Its just like if it was secret santa, you don't have to spend lots to find something nice.
Oh come

You don’t think a total budget of £10 per child from their parents is going to get people talking.

lentilsforever · 16/11/2021 07:01

You said your budget for you own child is £10

MauraandLaura · 16/11/2021 07:02

Yes its incredibly petty/spiteful.

OP these are children that are going to be in your life for a long time you are going to have to lighten up. So what if they can see what you have been watching - I dont think anyone will care enough to go on your profile and check out what you have been watching and so what if they did - are you ashamed of what you have been watching?

What your DH needs to do is change the payments settings over to his bank card so it comes out of his bank account before they grow up thinking his new wife/partner is an utter dick.

Or have you locked down his bank account too?

I just do not understand the pettiness that some women on here have towards their stepchildren but what I can't understand more is that the kids dads are that weak willed they let them do it.

PingedPotato · 16/11/2021 07:05

@lentilsforever

You said your budget for you own child is £10
It is!!

From me! That is how much I spend!
DH spends more and gets the big ticket items!

OP posts:
lentilsforever · 16/11/2021 07:08

I just can’t get my head around spending a tenner on my one child’s Christmas present

Then again I can’t get me head around the pettiness of the Netflix issue

So each to their own

PingedPotato · 16/11/2021 07:08

Or have you locked down his bank account too? am I now being accused of being financial abusive to my husband?!

OP posts:
Evesgarden · 16/11/2021 07:09

This reply has been deleted

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PingedPotato · 16/11/2021 07:09

@lentilsforever fair enough. It seems fine to me.

OP posts:
MauraandLaura · 16/11/2021 07:09

@PingedPotato

Or have you locked down his bank account too? am I now being accused of being financial abusive to my husband?!
You have havnt you? Figures.
lentilsforever · 16/11/2021 07:11

Can I ask what meaningful present you buy your son with a £10 total Christmas present budget? Genuine question. How old is he?

PingedPotato · 16/11/2021 07:16

No I fucking haven't!

All I've done with this thread is try to get a bit of a sense check and find out what other people do so I can try and work out a solution. Which I've done. I see other people have similar misgivings about the ex being able to access it. I am not ashamed of my netflix viewing just a bit uncomfortable with the idea of her knowing my personality from it. She doesn't talk to me really and we barely know each other.

Why this has turned in to some sort of assassination of my Christmas spending habits I don't know.

OP posts:
lentilsforever · 16/11/2021 07:17

It’s not an assassination

I am genuinely curious what “meaningful” present you buy your own child with a total present budget of £10

whatsthecraic91 · 16/11/2021 07:18

@PingedPotato MN is a crazy place. Some of these replies 🤣 I'm also in this situation and am I fuck paying for my DH ex to watch my Netflix 😂 we log DSS out on his devices before he goes home as ex was watching it on his iPad. So she ruined it for him 🤷‍♀️

NashvilleQueen · 16/11/2021 07:19

For the hassle your stance will cause I couldn't be arsed being bothered.

PingedPotato · 16/11/2021 07:19

They are a toddler. I already told you it's books this year.

Last year I got DSC 1 a mug relating to their favourite film. And DSC 2 got a couple of personalised makeup brushes.

OP posts:
MauraandLaura · 16/11/2021 07:25

@PingedPotato

No I fucking haven't!

All I've done with this thread is try to get a bit of a sense check and find out what other people do so I can try and work out a solution. Which I've done. I see other people have similar misgivings about the ex being able to access it. I am not ashamed of my netflix viewing just a bit uncomfortable with the idea of her knowing my personality from it. She doesn't talk to me really and we barely know each other.

Why this has turned in to some sort of assassination of my Christmas spending habits I don't know.

I'm not fussed with your Christmas budget.

But your hatred of the SDC mother is spilling out in to how you feel about the kids - which you have to stop. Those kids didn't ask their dad to get with with you. Why do you think the mother is that obsessed with you she will be looking at what you have watched. How can you get some ones personality from their Netfixs account Confused Just put some random films on there to mix it up a bit.

OP there will be times in this relationship where you really have to put your foot down in regards to the SDC and make a stand, pick your battles - letting them use your Netflix account isn't one of them. Its so fucking minor OP.

Maybe you are a little bit obsessed with DSC mum?

jelly79 · 16/11/2021 07:26

'We pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it.'

Christ.

MammaLovesLeopard · 16/11/2021 07:27

You don't need to ask them to log off. Yes you are being petty.

PingedPotato · 16/11/2021 07:31

But your hatred of the SDC mother is spilling out in to how you feel about the kids - which you have to stop. I'm sorry what? I am mostly indifferent to the SDC's mum! And I genuinely love those kids, not as my own but as themselves.

Its so fucking minor OP. it is minor yes! Not every post has to be about the big massive issues in step parenting life.

Why do you think the mother is that obsessed with you she will be looking at what you have watched. because she's made comments about our recycling box before when she's seen we've had a nice bottle of champagne. I don't think she is OBSESSED. I just feel like I lose my privacy a little bit. It's not a MASSIVE deal. It's just a "is this a think stepmums just have to put up with?" "What do you do" type post. I have no idea why it's got so many people so het up.

OP posts:
Beamur · 16/11/2021 07:32

My DSS pays for our Netflix! He doesn't even live here 😄
Although he has changed the password to suggest we're moochers.

whatsthecraic91 · 16/11/2021 07:45

@PingedPotato I get it. My DH ex has an obsession with me. She's actually stalked me picking DSS up from school one time. She was straight on to my DH asking where we got the money from as I had a new car. Some women are just crazed.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 16/11/2021 07:45

[quote Graphista]@Getyourarseofffthequattro that 1st paragraph I meant to put

IF he is paying more for ops dc than his older dc

The min cms amounts are usually pretty poor most people aren't on 6 fig salaries and I'm certainly not getting the impression op's dh is a high earner

@funinthesun19 I mentioned it because op did herself

I did clarify later we would want their mums permission.

That's fair enough

You mentioned it didn't get lowered - which is what led me to the belief that the amount is the cms set amount? Which imo is usually far from enough

£10 is a very small amount to spend on a gift for a step child I was genuinely shocked at that. I've paid more for virtual strangers gifts! But even aside from that you're a family why isn't the big gift from both of you?

We do exactly the same for our shared child before you judge that too.

Not sure I understand this right do you mean your shared child gets a gift worth only around £10 from one of you and a larger gift from the other?

I have a tense relationship with my ex too but I get gifts for his dc when appropriate and I'd be embarrassed to spend that little. I'd be furious if dds stepmum did similar (she never would)

Re insurance fraud I realised you were aware thought it might be good info for others reading who weren't just in case

How much their ex pays in maintenance is irrelevant.

I disagree. Children from the earlier relationship shouldn't miss out on things dc from new relationship get as far as possible.

Too many men/nrps carry on procreating without considering that they have a responsibility to the children they already have.

[/quote]
Awh your privilege is showing.

It's very entitled to complain about the value of Christmas presents. And bizarre frankly. Ever heard "it's the thought that counts"?

Equally if he is a low earner, how do you expect him to pay more for his first child than his second? Again that's very privileged and entitled to be honest.