Am I just being petty? (Sharing Subscriptions etc)

[PingedPotato]

We pay for Netflix. The DSC wants to have the log on so they can watch it at mums. Fair enough I guess but then I thought no hang on.. we pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it. Also I don't want to go to watch something and be like oh no now I have to ask DH to text DSC to ask them to log off. Also they can see what I've been watching and it makes me feel a bit like privacy being invaded knowing mum can see all the dull documentaries I like to watch.

But then part of me feels like I'm just being petty.

What do all you other step families do with subscription services like netflix?

I wouldn’t share my log in.

I wouldn’t buy a multi screen subscription. The argument that it’s a few pounds can be extended to the DSC’s mum.

I’d carry on as you are and tell kids they can watch at yours.

I’d completely keep a clear separation between households.

Kids know households all have different things. Growing up my older DC didn’t have a tv at all nobody suffered. DC adapted and were used to it. We’ve got everything now and life goes on.

yabu
does it really matter?
give them their own profile on your account. Won't interfere in your programs then. I use my mums and live else where. So do my kids. not a big deal

@lentilsforever well she told us it's because she doesn't want me picking up her kids because it doesn't sit right with her. Not because I haven't given her netflix log on details afaik.

[quote PingedPotato]@lentilsforever well she told us it's because she doesn't want me picking up her kids because it doesn't sit right with her. Not because I haven't given her netflix log on details afaik.[/quote]
Op you've definitely got it wrong for she is a mother and completely reasonable. It must be the lack of Netflix access that causes her to act in such a way

And obviously it’s me who is unreasonable and my kids in my case for not understanding that my ex has the absolute right to watch my damn Netflix and who am I to think I pay for it for me and my kids only.

It sounds as though it isn't feasible anyway on the one screen package. I think it's perfectly reasonable to say no on this occasion, unless you decide to up the subscription. Which you aren't obliged to do.

Just as a point of information, the very first sentence in the OP's original post is " we pay for Netflix " ; it is not "I as the higher earned pay for Netflix." That suggest that perhaps the OP's partner may be of the impression that he is part and parcel of the "we" that is making the payments.

It might also be helpful , as a way of informing this particular discussion, to look at some of the statements made by the Netflix CEO when asked about the issue of shared usage. Netflix seems far less interested in pursuing or suggesting fraud than are some MN posters. They recognize that some subscribers do indeed live in more than one residence- children may indeed live with mom on 3 days and dad on 4 days or whatever, but they have a legal residence in both addresses.

So much more honest to say "I don't want them to have ongoing access to the Netflix that " we are paying for" than to cloud in contrived issues of usage and fraud.

@Tattler2

Just as a point of information, the very first sentence in the OP's original post is " we pay for Netflix " ; it is not "I as the higher earned pay for Netflix." That suggest that perhaps the OP's partner may be of the impression that he is part and parcel of the "we" that is making the payments.

It might also be helpful , as a way of informing this particular discussion, to look at some of the statements made by the Netflix CEO when asked about the issue of shared usage. Netflix seems far less interested in pursuing or suggesting fraud than are some MN posters. They recognize that some subscribers do indeed live in more than one residence- children may indeed live with mom on 3 days and dad on 4 days or whatever, but they have a legal residence in both addresses.

So much more honest to say "I don't want them to have ongoing access to the Netflix that " we are paying for" than to cloud in contrived issues of usage and fraud.

I think it's fairly obvious what she's saying. She's not been dishonest at all. She also said her dp doesn't want to do it.

@Tattler2 Her DH doesn't want to do it either, and it's less to do with being caught for fraud than it is to do with being unable to use it due to the restrictions. Hardly anyone has mentioned fraud.

I think you are being petty and your obvious dislike of the mum outweighs the wants of the children.

My DH doesnt get on with his exwife at all but we still gave the kids the log ins for netflix and prime. I dont really care if the ex watches it, for me it means the kids dont feel they are not fully paid up members of the family. Its so cheap to upgrade to the mulitscreen. I would have felt embarassed saying no to the kids. This is all behind us now as all kids are at Uni or left home.

I truly believe we all have such a good blended family because we did everything we could for the benefit of the children rather than not do something because DH ex wife might benefit. Makes life so much easier.

@doodleygirl

I think you are being petty and your obvious dislike of the mum outweighs the wants of the children.

My DH doesnt get on with his exwife at all but we still gave the kids the log ins for netflix and prime. I dont really care if the ex watches it, for me it means the kids dont feel they are not fully paid up members of the family. Its so cheap to upgrade to the mulitscreen. I would have felt embarassed saying no to the kids. This is all behind us now as all kids are at Uni or left home.

I truly believe we all have such a good blended family because we did everything we could for the benefit of the children rather than not do something because DH ex wife might benefit. Makes life so much easier.

BINGO!!!!

I was wondering how long it would take someone to trot out that bullshit line.

Literally fuck that.

Why should I pay for Netflix for my ex to watch? Should I pay his gas and electric too? Internet? Sky?

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

it might be a bullshit line in your world, but in my world it meant a much easier blended family which we all benefited from and I didnt have to start a thread about something so petty.

In my experience of the step family board some people really want to batle with everything when sometimes its better for all not to.

[quote doodleygirl]@Getyourarseofffthequattro

it might be a bullshit line in your world, but in my world it meant a much easier blended family which we all benefited from and I didnt have to start a thread about something so petty.

In my experience of the step family board some people really want to batle with everything when sometimes its better for all not to.[/quote]
Completely with you @doodleygirl

I suck up a lot to keep the peace. Not for my ex. For our children.

And when I think about - he too has put up with some shit from me. For the children

Oops. Bold fail. Hopefully it's still readable.

I didnt have to start a thread about something so petty. I didn't have to either. I just wanted to know what happens in other households. If anyone else felt the same. I didn't realise that by posting a thread on here it would turn into an analysis on my feelings towards their mum (indifferent), my Christmas spending habits, maintenance arrangements etc.

I suck up a lot to keep the peace. Not for my ex. For our children

You're assuming op doesn't. I would imagine she probably does.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

I suck up a lot to keep the peace. Not for my ex. For our children

You're assuming op doesn't. I would imagine she probably does.

Thank you yes I do. And I don't hate the ex wife for it either. It just is what it is.

I can see this has been resolved but I think it is a bit petty because it's done/paid for the benefit of the children.

But what's so insidious about this, in my experience anyway, is that this type of parent is more than happy to jump in on something that's been put in place for the benefit of their DC, for their own personal gain. My DH's ex did this consistently throughout the whole time my DSD was a child/teen. When there's a pattern of this constant 'profiteering', so to speak, damn right it ends up making the 'donor' feel like enough's enough. It may sound petty to those who haven't been through it, but it's really more a case of the straw that broke the camel's back, or at least it was for me. After a while it becomes impossible to take an altruistic 'share and share alike' view because of the entitled behaviour and absence of gratitude.

@doodleygirl

I think you are being petty and your obvious dislike of the mum outweighs the wants of the children.

My DH doesnt get on with his exwife at all but we still gave the kids the log ins for netflix and prime. I dont really care if the ex watches it, for me it means the kids dont feel they are not fully paid up members of the family. Its so cheap to upgrade to the mulitscreen. I would have felt embarassed saying no to the kids. This is all behind us now as all kids are at Uni or left home.

I truly believe we all have such a good blended family because we did everything we could for the benefit of the children rather than not do something because DH ex wife might benefit. Makes life so much easier.

@doodleygirl but did his ex take the piss generally? Presumably you'd have felt less magnanimous about sharing with her if she did?

Also, why wouldn't the OP dislike the ex, given what she's told us about how grasping the ex is?!

Its so cheap to upgrade to the multi screen. I would have felt embarrassed saying no to the kids

I mean, there is just so much wrong with this mindset I don't know where to start.

@PingedPotato

I didnt have to start a thread about something so petty. I didn't have to either. I just wanted to know what happens in other households. If anyone else felt the same. I didn't realise that by posting a thread on here it would turn into an analysis on my feelings towards their mum (indifferent), my Christmas spending habits, maintenance arrangements etc.

This place is the most toxic corner on Mumsnet. The same usernames crop up over and over again. They leap to conclusions that you're the OW, that your DH is skimping on child support, that you hate your step children. And on and on.

MNHQ aren't remotely interested.

I’m not a step mum and I have the same problem as the op.

My ex is the one with the new wife and step kids.