Am I just being petty? (Sharing Subscriptions etc)

[PingedPotato]

We pay for Netflix. The DSC wants to have the log on so they can watch it at mums. Fair enough I guess but then I thought no hang on.. we pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it. Also I don't want to go to watch something and be like oh no now I have to ask DH to text DSC to ask them to log off. Also they can see what I've been watching and it makes me feel a bit like privacy being invaded knowing mum can see all the dull documentaries I like to watch.

But then part of me feels like I'm just being petty.

What do all you other step families do with subscription services like netflix?

If this was about Netflix people wouldn't be so agitated.

This isn't about Netflix it's about peoples exceptions of what life style should be benefited by the first family at the cost (quite literally) of the second.

Also some of you have no idea what income comes into the OPs house and how much they came afford to spend on presents . How dreadfully entitled some of you are.

The behaviour on this thread is frankly embarrassing. I would hate to see what people are like to people grappling with bigger issues tbh.

You know its its minor yet its a big enough to refusing them access and asking strangers on the internet to validate you. no. I've actually taken on board the nicer comments that have said yes it is a bit petty and they are getting the access.

Ah were down to the level about making insults about people's mental health. Shameful @MauraandLaura

@PingedPotato
@candlelightsatdawn
@Getyourarseofffthequattro

You are the reason step parents get such a hard press on MN. £4.00 extra keep ALL the kids happy. £10 Christmas presents FTAF my secret Santa at work has a higher budget than that. I spend more on the office shoe box appeal. But sure it's about principles yadda yadda yadda.

Tight AF more like. Feeling sorry for yourselves when you should be thinking about the kids. Boo boo The kids - remember them!!!

Honestly I despair. Principles - how about the principles to make the kids feel welcome in your home? My god if they could read this utter vile nonsense.

@MauraandLaura

I'm sorry what? I am mostly indifferent to the SDC's mum! Yet you are chewing yourself up in case see she's you have been watching Downton Abby oil Netfix

And I genuinely love those kids, not as my own but as themselves
Yet you won't let them on your Netfix account.

it is minor yes! Not every post has to be about the big massive issues in step parenting life

You know its its minor yet its a big enough to refusing them access and asking strangers on the internet to validate you.

because she's made comments about our recycling box before when she's seen we've had a nice bottle of champagne

OP your not right in the head

Because boundaries are healthy and not being funny but your sounded far to invested in tearing a random stranger down, making her sound like she locks the kids up under the stairs for not wanting to pay for someone else's Netflix and get the penalty if they are found out (as pp has mentioned Netflix at cracking down on this)

You must be a joy to be with at parties with all the glue you must be sniffing to think your the sane one on this thread 😵‍💫

Thanks for making me feel shit about christmas.
It's just how it's worked here. They get a big present from their dad. They don't sit there miserable. They genuinely look happy with their presents.

@PingedPotato that's a nice gesture, good for you. Life is too short to worry about stuff like this.

p.s. I also favor books as Christmas presents.. to quote my daughter last night... ''Mummy, I know I didn't put books on my list, but you will get me some won't you?''...

@Sidehustle99 hahahahah my DSD has a horse paid for solely by me which she rides frequently, she would have never in million years have even had lessons if left to DM and DD due to cost alone.

Her mum says her DSD standards of living have dramatically increased because of me and thing is I am happy to do it, it was my gift to her, not not through guilt, expectation or entitlement. I'm assuming since your speaking from a place of such privilege you have done the same ? 🤣 no then sit down.

If she or DM and come at me with the level of entitlement shown on this thread it would have been a no go because that's not the spirit of gift giving. My DH ex has had her moments but clearly I should be thanking my lucky stars because she clearly has her head screwed on correctly.

Acknowledging that someone's financial situation maybe very different from your own is called social awareness and it is what allows me to do this for my DSD. Not everyone has this privilege (her DM for example) and I'm happy to help but never would I be used as a ATM.

Give your head a wobble, I showed my DSD this thread and she said some people are clearly unable to be grateful for the things they have. Then she told me she's grateful to me and glad I'm here.

Tight AF more like. Feeling sorry for yourselves when you should be thinking about the kids. Boo boo The kids - remember them!!!

I am not feeling sorry for myself. And they are getting the netflix access. We're not paying for extra screens though. It's not needed. We are careful with our money as want to have savings for uni etc. But fine go ahead and judge my budget. I know no one in this family is suffering from poverty. I feel very sorry if anyone who is struggling financially is reading this and feeling like their Christmas present isn't enough or because they can't spend £4 more a month their children are suffering somehow.

No excuse me I'm just going to put DSD under the stairs, I'm wondering if I can fit the horse in there too.. save on stable costs 😆

Op ignore the people who are being hideous about Christmas. They seem to have forgotten its true meaning. Not everyone has buckets of cash and having grown up on the poverty line I know what it's like to be grateful for the things I got and it did me no harm. Certainly showed me how to be a bit more empathetic.

Wouldn’t do it. And not because I am being petty but because I don’t want the hassle of texting to say log out so i can use it. That’s not going to work if you can’t sleep, want towatch something at 2am and the kids are logged in

Either pay to have more screens, or send the link to mum to subscribe

Just because they have it at one house doesn’t mean they have to have it at both.

I’m a mum not a step mum but I completely agree with the OP.

It’s only Netflix. The children can wait until they visit their dad. It’s not like they’re having food or clothing withheld.

They already have it on their devices. I would get them a smart tv for Christmas or a firestick so they can use their devices to watch on the tv screen. If they have these I would remind them how to do it.

[quote Sidehustle99]@PingedPotato
@candlelightsatdawn
@Getyourarseofffthequattro

You are the reason step parents get such a hard press on MN. £4.00 extra keep ALL the kids happy. £10 Christmas presents FTAF my secret Santa at work has a higher budget than that. I spend more on the office shoe box appeal. But sure it's about principles yadda yadda yadda.

Tight AF more like. Feeling sorry for yourselves when you should be thinking about the kids. Boo boo The kids - remember them!!!

Honestly I despair. Principles - how about the principles to make the kids feel welcome in your home? My god if they could read this utter vile nonsense.[/quote]
Oh dear. You're embarrassing yourself now.

[quote Sidehustle99]@PingedPotato
@candlelightsatdawn
@Getyourarseofffthequattro

You are the reason step parents get such a hard press on MN. £4.00 extra keep ALL the kids happy. £10 Christmas presents FTAF my secret Santa at work has a higher budget than that. I spend more on the office shoe box appeal. But sure it's about principles yadda yadda yadda.

Tight AF more like. Feeling sorry for yourselves when you should be thinking about the kids. Boo boo The kids - remember them!!!

Honestly I despair. Principles - how about the principles to make the kids feel welcome in your home? My god if they could read this utter vile nonsense.[/quote]
On the contrary, you and posters like @MauraandLaura and @Evesgarden are the reason people on this forum get a bad name.

Honestly the comments left on this thread overnight have been so disproportional, priveleged and disgusting, not to mention completely lacking in intelligence or empathy ("Boo boo The kids - remember them!!!"? Wow what an insight, such balancing of needs)

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, the moral high ground you think you occupy is a deep valley at this point.

Boundaries, people. Remember this is the UK. The DH doesn't have 2 wives. He has a current wife and an ex-wife. So act like it, rather than like he has just one household and of course the wives get along just like sister wives in Utah. Looking after each others' kids any time at the drop of a hat.

Separate households. Separate bills. Simple.

Its funny @aSofaNearYou I feel the same way about you.

SP get a bad name because of what they post. Which is shown time and time again with these threads.

However this thread is a new level of pettiness towards DSC. I think I seen upthread OP is going to allow the kids the password (but I think she is going to block it the minute they leave the house??)

Also if its paid for out of the family budget - doesn't the father get a say?

@PingedPotato

Tight AF more like. Feeling sorry for yourselves when you should be thinking about the kids. Boo boo The kids - remember them!!!

I am not feeling sorry for myself. And they are getting the netflix access. We're not paying for extra screens though. It's not needed. We are careful with our money as want to have savings for uni etc. But fine go ahead and judge my budget. I know no one in this family is suffering from poverty. I feel very sorry if anyone who is struggling financially is reading this and feeling like their Christmas present isn't enough or because they can't spend £4 more a month their children are suffering somehow.

OP, you absolutely do not need to justify yourself. Ignore the banshees.

@Evesgarden

Its funny *@aSofaNearYou* I feel the same way about you.

SP get a bad name because of what they post. Which is shown time and time again with these threads.

However this thread is a new level of pettiness towards DSC. I think I seen upthread OP is going to allow the kids the password (but I think she is going to block it the minute they leave the house??)

Also if its paid for out of the family budget - doesn't the father get a say?

Do you have any step kids?

And yes, he does get a say and he doesn't want to do it.

There is nothing bad about this. This thread doesn't give sp's a bad name. In fact I think it's a very good insight into how a small thing which might seem insignificant can cause issues for everyone involved. It's a good insight into how it is to deal with a high conflict ex and how that might affect your life even when it comes down to small things.

It also shows the sheer ignorance of people who have no experience of this, think they know it all and make frankly stupid comments as if they are some sort of expert on the subject.

It's pathetic.

I’m not a step mum.

I pay for the 4 view package of Netflix so me and my 3 kids can all watch it.

It fucking pisses me right off that my ex watches my damn Netflix on the kids tablets.

He’s never paid a penny of maintenance and he’s never contributed to phones or uniforms when they were younger

And yet. As soon as they go to his he’s busting to get their tablets and watch my fucking Netflix that I pay for.

And I get that at 18-19 dd doesn’t want to say no dad. Because he’s controlling and nasty. And they are limited now in how much they see him but it used to be every other weekend and a night in the week and it really really irritated me. And still does.

Why should I pay for Netflix at his house?

*To phones or uniforms or school trips or ANYTHING. His standard answer was that that was what child benefit was for. To keep his children. Full time.

I don't even let blood relatives who live outside our household have the netflix access! So I'm with you OP. If you let them have free access then it will likely end up that you can't view netflix because someone outside your household is watching it and won't come off.

Ref presents. Whatever your budget is, that's fine, no need to justify how much it is. If you and other half are happy and if the kids are happy with what they get that's fine.