AIBU? Don't want to prevent DS from having this experience

[KurlyJuly]

My parents want to take my son on holiday to Disney next year along with my siblings two. He will be 4.5.

I also have two step children who are 8 & 10.

H thinks they'll be sad at missing out. We unfortunately couldn't afford to take all kids ourselves and I doubt DSCs Mum could either although I obviously don't know for sure.

But I don't want to say DS can't go and have this experience with his GPs and cousins.

I'd wait until the 4 year old was older

It's not really up to me to decide everyone has to wait though. My parents have offered next year.

@KurlyJuly

Ignore me I thought you were talking about Disney Paris.

What's the alternative for OP's dc? My mum got married so now my own grandparents can't give me nice things? Of course you should go.

it’s the grandparents who are no relation to the stepchildren

Well technically they are relatives of the stepchildren by marriage....they’re not blood relatives is all.

I’m assuming we are talking Disneyland Florida here?

Definitely let him go, he shouldn’t miss out.

If you can’t afford to go to Disneyland all together then maybe look at doing a trip to Disneyland Paris, they do deals. Or a bit of a theme park tour in the uk. You can get 2 for 1 vouchers for Merlin parks, there are currently some on the Cadbury selection box’s. Kellogg’s cereal boxes also do vouchers. We’ve done some really good theme park holidays on the cheap with a bit of planning and prebooking cheap hotels.

It might not be Disney but at 8 & 10 they should understand that your DS is being taken away with his grandparents and why they arnt included. If your DH takes them away when your away with DS then they probably won’t think about it. Or he could just take them on an all inclusive somewhere just the 3 of them, I’d bet they’d love time on their own with their dad.

@KurlyJuly

I'd wait until the 4 year old was older

It's not really up to me to decide everyone has to wait though. My parents have offered next year.

Exactly. It would be really out of order to insist they pay for children they don't see as their grandchildren.

Well where is the line drawn? If the stepchildren have half-siblings on their mother’s side, should they go also as those siblings would miss out? Step siblings? etc. How far removed from OP’s parents should children go?
I think your son should go and enjoy, and in your position I’d be grateful he was able to have the experience.

[quote zoemum2006]@aSofaNearYou

Because the step kids are part of the family and I'd want them to share the experience.

(Also it's much more fun in Disney with an 8 & 10 year old. I'd wait until the 4 year old was older).[/quote]
Tough. The grandparents don't see them the same way.

I think this is fine. Children know that sometimes people get stuff you don’t. As long as you still do lots of nice things with your DSC then there’s not much you can do. I think your son should go.

If this was you wanting to take only your ds away yabu but it’s your parents paying so it’s not unreasonable to leave sc at home

When we were kids my sister went on holiday with my aunt and uncle to their villa in Menorca as she was the same age as my cousin. I was three years younger and not invited. I was a bit upset at the time but got over it, and I’m sure my mum did fun things with me to make up for it (can’t even remember!). It would be really sad for your little boy to miss out on such a fun trip, I’d let him go.

but your ds wouldn’t be part of that blended family unit. If they’re dm has a new partner with dc that would be their family unit.

My point was they have their own separate maternal grandparents. I wasn’t suggesting that OP’s DS would go with half sibling’s maternal grandparents.

My point was that when they have different maternal grandparents then nothing can ever be fair or equal. The OP’s parents aren’t the dsc’s grandparents just as much as the half sibling’s maternal grandparents aren’t the OP’s DC’s grandparents and that is a fact.

If one child isn’t begrudged a holiday then why should the other?

This is a situation where once again a second child could well and truly shafted as per usual. Why should he be punished because OP made a choice to be in a blended family? If I was OP I would be majorly putting my foot down.

@LethargicActress

It doesn’t sound like he’s been invited and even if he were it would make him a complete arsehole if he went on a trip to Disney with his new wife and child without taking his older children, especially if he paid his own way.

I don’t believe there’s much real choice involved. How was he supposed to see years into the future and know his in laws were going to offer a free trip to Disney to half his family?

But OP was supposed to see years into the future to know her parents were going to offer a free trip to her son that she should not go on because her DH might be upset about her going with their son whilst he chooses not to go because of his other kids?

Doesn't make any sense. There is no reason OP should be the one to make all the compromises because she chose to get into the situation. He did too and he's the one whose circumstances complicate things.

Some people can’t cope when a stepmum’s child/a second child gets to do something wonderful and amazing.

But they are not ops parents grandchildren.

The more I read on here the less I understand anyone starting a family with someone who already has children.

I'm on the fence here. I have step grandchildren, and I wouldn't contemplate taking my full grandchildren away for a treat that their half siblings weren't included in unless, perhaps, it was something that was only appropriate for small children (full GC are both under 3). But the steps' own paternal grandparents are arseholes who won't have anything to do with them, so there's no real question of them getting treats from their own relatives. Also, they're all the same family so I'm not in the position of depriving other grandchildren of a treat.

@funinthesun19

Some people can’t cope when a stepmum’s child/a second child gets to do something wonderful and amazing.

I know! It would be fine for the DSC/First child to do it though...

@TicTacHoh

Yanbu, but it’s mumsnet so you’ll be told to remortgage your house to take dsc think of the children!!!!

Not a single person has said this TicTacHoh.

The child of the 2nd family is just as much a person. Just a much a child. And entitled to take advantage when opportunities are offered to them. Even in non blended family's sometimes one child might get an amazing school trip or a trip with a friend that the other child isn't offered. I know my brother was. It didn't cause any resentment other than maybe a brief oh I want to go to xyz. Then I got over it.

Definitely you and your son go. Your partner can do something nice just him and the children.

I know! It would be fine for the DSC/First child to do it though.

Yep. It should be just as fine for second children go too. Swings and roundabouts innit?

Of course he should go! Why on Earth should he miss out on a great experience because his dad had two children with someone else before him?!

If their mum’s parents offered them the same no one would bat an eyelid.

Your son will already be missing out on things because he’s got half siblings, let him and your parents enjoy this wonderful opportunity.

It wouldn’t only be unfair to him if his dad stopped him going, your parents, siblings and nieces/nephews would be being penalised for something that’s nothing to do with them.

He has to go.

Would he bad sad for your DS if his DC go on holiday with their family?

bigred22 people will tell you that’s irrelevant what they do with their mum and her family. But I think it’s very relevant when one child is expected to do nothing majorly exciting during their childhood unless the others are always included while the others get to have absolutely everything from everyone possible.

What is with these pathetic men atm. Is there something in the water?

@KurlyJuly absolutely go and go with your child. There is no way I would send a child that age that far away and not be with them. I also would probably love the bonding time with family.

It is not your (or your families responsibility) to ensure the SC can go. I don’t buy this ‘everyone must be treated equally.’. They are not your children, your parents clearly don’t view them as grandchildren. It’s that simple.

Please don’t deny your DS this opportunity. He will have so much fun!

By pathetic man (if it’s not clear), this is another example of another man pissing on someone’s parade (see the other thread going on about photo frames fgs). He may not be saying don’t go, but his children will be sad? Well yes, they will be if he decides to make them sad and project his feelings onto them.

If he wants his children to go to Disneyland, then he needs to save and make it happen. It isn’t for the world to save for and do it for him.