AIBU? Don't want to prevent DS from having this experience

[KurlyJuly]

My parents want to take my son on holiday to Disney next year along with my siblings two. He will be 4.5.

I also have two step children who are 8 & 10.

H thinks they'll be sad at missing out. We unfortunately couldn't afford to take all kids ourselves and I doubt DSCs Mum could either although I obviously don't know for sure.

But I don't want to say DS can't go and have this experience with his GPs and cousins.

Will you and your husband be going

YANBU

@Wheelerdeeler

Will you and your husband be going

I might be, DH wouldn't be.

Yanbu

I’m sure they will be sad but they’ve got their mum’s and dad’s grandparents to take them. Your children should go and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. They’re also so young they won’t be bragging/rubbing it in the older two’s faces so no drama when they’re back.

He should go. They're his grandparents, not the SC's. The SC's will likely have different experiences ds won't get.

If it was you and your husband taking him (ie paying/ it was a family unit holiday) it would be different but since it is grandparents YANBU.

@VanillaSpiceCandle

I’m sure they will be sad but they’ve got their mum’s and dad’s grandparents to take them. Your children should go and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. They’re also so young they won’t be bragging/rubbing it in the older two’s faces so no drama when they’re back.

This.

Incidentally due to their ages if you go to any theme park they can't go on all the same rides due to the height difference.

Not another one of these (no reflection in you OP) I just don't get why all these parents suddenly think their kids are entitled to holidays etc just because they married someone.

Yanbu

Treating your dc and dsc fairly doesn't always mean giving them the same. Your dsc will get stuff at their mum's and from her family that your dc won't. I sympathise, it's tough to balance things sometimes

What if the tables were turned and the dsc were going with their dgps?
Not all dc get the same....
That's life
.

It makes me so sad that a child isn't allowed to enjoy being part of their family without kids from a previous marriage having to be worried about. If everyone just relaxed a bit and accepted they are from different families it would be so much less stressful for all.

OP your DS should go and enjoy himself.

I think if you don't stand your ground on this one it's potentially going to be a slippery slope for worse things:

-will your parents not be allowed to set up saving accounts for their grandkid?
-will they not be allowed to help out with university costs or a down payment for a house someday?

Life's not fair. The step kids have their mom and presumably two sets of grandparents that are free to support them however they choose. If they can't/won't, I don't think it's fair to deprive your boy just to keep it "fair"

100% he should go, this isn’t something he should miss out on

Your h can take his kids to a theme park or similar that’s more age appropriate

Your DS should definitely go. I say that as a stepchild who now has a DSD.

Of course he should go with his grandparents.

Of course DS should go.

Presumably DSC have their mother and their own grandparents.

If it was just you and DH taking DS it might be different but it's your parents taking him. I don't think your DS should miss out, and neither should your DH want that.

Perhaps DH should start putting some money away each month to take the DSC.

Of course your son should be allowed to go on holiday with his grandparents! It would surely be impossible for them to take their step-grandkids as well (too many kids to manage and too expensive) and there is no way your DS should miss out. Him going is the fairest solution. You could treat the stepkids to something lovely while they are away, like a day out somewhere special, Harry Potter world or something, but definitely can't expect your DS not to have his own special bond with his grandparents.

Yes life isn’t fair, but I’d personally try and make it fair because the 8 and 10yr old will feel sad and left out. And they’d be right as they are being left out.

You can’t afford to take all 3 to Disney, but if GPs are paying for you and your son, then why not look into your DH and his family paying for him and his two?

If you’re truly blending families you’d try to arrange something that is inclusive of both families instead of it being exclusive to the child you birthed.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Yes life isn’t fair, but I’d personally try and make it fair because the 8 and 10yr old will feel sad and left out. And they’d be right as they are being left out.

You can’t afford to take all 3 to Disney, but if GPs are paying for you and your son, then why not look into your DH and his family paying for him and his two?

If you’re truly blending families you’d try to arrange something that is inclusive of both families instead of it being exclusive to the child you birthed.

It's for her DH to try and arrange something, if anyone, and OP has said that he can't afford it.

Yanbu, but it’s mumsnet so you’ll be told to remortgage your house to take dsc think of the children!!!!

@PlanDeRaccordement the OP and husband can't afford to. That's life.

I went to different types of schools and holidays to some of my half-siblings. I don't resent them for it because they had a different parent to me and grandparents.

Please please please let your DS go. He shouldn’t miss out on opportunities like this just because his siblings don’t share maternal grandparents.

If his siblings’ maternal grandparents invited them to Disney they would be there with them in a shot and nobody would begrudge it. Don’t deny your DS the same opportunity.

Life isn’t fair. The children have different grandparents which will inevitably come with unfairness and unequal ness on either side with different opportunities. And that’s just the way it is.

Yanbu.
I would 100% go with my DS.
Your husband is being unfair and not helping teach all his children and the realities of life.
He should also plan some special day trips with the two kids (theme parks, beach trips etc) while you are away.

I'd ensure i brought them back nice presents and minimise "bragging" when he is back. i would also try to limit to merchandise and memorabilia to avoid rubbing salt in the wound

@TicTacHoh

Yanbu, but it’s mumsnet so you’ll be told to remortgage your house to take dsc think of the children!!!!

Yep.

People on MN have screwed up views of blended families.

Seriously taking pre-teen kids out to theme parks with a 2 year age gap is hard enough due to the height difference, but with bigger age gaps it's even harder. And that's even without the family dynamic.