AIBU? Don't want to prevent DS from having this experience

[KurlyJuly]

My parents want to take my son on holiday to Disney next year along with my siblings two. He will be 4.5.

I also have two step children who are 8 & 10.

H thinks they'll be sad at missing out. We unfortunately couldn't afford to take all kids ourselves and I doubt DSCs Mum could either although I obviously don't know for sure.

But I don't want to say DS can't go and have this experience with his GPs and cousins.

Today 16:53AchyFlower

Not another one of these (no reflection in you OP) I just don't get why all these parents suddenly think their kids are entitled to holidays etc just because they married someone.

I agree with @AchyFlower . I have 2 DC and my DP has 2 DC. They all have different experiences and different sets of GP with varying amounts of wealth. My family do things with my children and DPs family do things with his.

It wouldn’t be fair for you to expect to use family money for the trip, but if your ds has generous grandparents who want to treat him then they should be allowed to do so.

It would be unfair of your DH to expect your child to miss out on something so lovely and memorable, but I’d understand him being sad and upset about it if you went too. I think most parents would be a bit sad about missing seeing their children at Disney even if they were going with their ex, but especially so when you’re both raising your ds in the same home.

One child in a blended family doing a trip with their grandparents and cousins is very different to a parent and child going on holiday while the three others are left at home. It divides the family much more.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Yes life isn’t fair, but I’d personally try and make it fair because the 8 and 10yr old will feel sad and left out. And they’d be right as they are being left out.

You can’t afford to take all 3 to Disney, but if GPs are paying for you and your son, then why not look into your DH and his family paying for him and his two?

If you’re truly blending families you’d try to arrange something that is inclusive of both families instead of it being exclusive to the child you birthed.

But if OP's son doesn't get to go, then he'll be the one who feels sad and left out when he realises his cousins are going.

How it that any more acceptable?

If you’re truly blending families you’d try to arrange something that is inclusive of both families instead of it being exclusive to the child you birthed. there's "blended" and there's "interlinked" do what works best for your family OP.

I do agree bragging should be kept under control should it happen

But if OP's son doesn't get to go, then he'll be the one who feels sad and left out when he realises his cousins are going.

How it that any more acceptable?

I don’t think OPs ds should miss out either, but this point doesn’t matter. Plenty of sets of cousins have different holidays and experiences and it’s a non issue.

I’m sure they will be sad but they’ve got their mum’s and dad’s grandparents to take them

That's such a shit argument. They've got their own grandparents. Disney is a massive cost to even well off families. Not everyone can afford it. To say it's 'OK because you too have grandparents' makes no logical sense whatsoever.

It is fine for the OP's child to go because it's his family. Given that the OP's partner isn't going, there is really no argument for the step children missing out. It's unfortunately one of those situations where some children get more than others because family circumstances make it that way. As it is in the real world every single day.

Yep.

People on MN have screwed up views of blended families.

Seriously taking pre-teen kids out to theme parks with a 2 year age gap is hard enough due to the height difference, but with bigger age gaps it's even harder. And that's even without the family dynamic.

And totally fine for DSC to do things with their mum and her family but god forbid your kids want to do the same.

@LethargicActress

It wouldn’t be fair for you to expect to use family money for the trip, but if your ds has generous grandparents who want to treat him then they should be allowed to do so.

It would be unfair of your DH to expect your child to miss out on something so lovely and memorable, but I’d understand him being sad and upset about it if you went too. I think most parents would be a bit sad about missing seeing their children at Disney even if they were going with their ex, but especially so when you’re both raising your ds in the same home.

One child in a blended family doing a trip with their grandparents and cousins is very different to a parent and child going on holiday while the three others are left at home. It divides the family much more.

By that logic wouldn't it be really sad for OP to miss seeing her child at Disney?

If I wanted to go I wouldn't not go for this reason alone, the logic seems a bit twisted. The only reason DH would be not going would presumably be because he didn't want to go without his other DC, but in that case that would be his choice to live with.

If his siblings’ maternal grandparents invited them to Disney they would be there with them in a shot and nobody would begrudge it but your ds wouldn’t be part of that blended family unit. If they’re dm has a new partner with dc that would be their family unit.

I think that within a unit you need to make it as fair as possible so I agree with @PlanDeRaccordement that if you can you should try and send the others too.

I

@JudgementalCactus
It’s all about priorities. The OPs DS is only 4. He’d actually enjoy Disney more if he were two years older. So there is time. Time to save up and plan for the DSCs and DH to go as well. (Unless grandparents are poorly/declining, am assuming they are healthy).

I’m just saying that it doesn’t have to be now or never. If I were OP, I’d be trying to plan a Disney trip that is inclusive and working with grandparents to plan it for a year from now or two. You don’t want to go to Florida between May and Sept anyway as it is too hot. I used to live there when I worked at Cape Canaveral.

This is a free offered trip by OPs parents.

DH may never afford to take DSC while they're still young enough to enjoy it as a child.

Why should the DS miss out?

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@JudgementalCactus
It’s all about priorities. The OPs DS is only 4. He’d actually enjoy Disney more if he were two years older. So there is time. Time to save up and plan for the DSCs and DH to go as well. (Unless grandparents are poorly/declining, am assuming they are healthy).

I’m just saying that it doesn’t have to be now or never. If I were OP, I’d be trying to plan a Disney trip that is inclusive and working with grandparents to plan it for a year from now or two. You don’t want to go to Florida between May and Sept anyway as it is too hot. I used to live there when I worked at Cape Canaveral.[/quote]
You are assuming an awful lot here, you have no idea that the grandparents are willing to be that flexible. They are taking their other grandchildren as well so OP and her family are not their only considerations.

You also don't know that they'd even be willing for the SC to come along. It could be too many kids for them, or they might not get along well with the cousins, or they may simply not all know each other.

We can't ask DHs family to pay for DSC to go. We don't see them, I don't know if they have the money or not but regardless we don't see them so that's not an option.

It's not something we are realistically going to be able to save up for any time soon. I obviously don't want to ask my parents to hold off when they want to go.

@PlanDeRaccordement ds has cousins who perhaps are the right age.
Also there is a Disney land in Paris.

They are taking their other grandchildren as well so OP and her family are not their only considerations

There is this yes. I can't just say "oh can you wait 3 years when we might (unlikely) be able to pay for DSC too.

Likely have to be during the school holidays then too doubling the price for everyone.

All these bloody husbands who think that their own children, conceived and brought up before they even knew the OP, should be entitled to whatever the OP's child has. It's awful.

By that logic wouldn't it be really sad for OP to miss seeing her child at Disney?

Yes, it would. But she chose to put herself in the situation she is in and like it or not, she does have the rest of her family’s feelings to consider if she wants to be able to bring her ds up in a happy and loving blended family.

Tbf he hasn't said he doesn't thinkDs should go. Just said he's sad for DSC as he thinks they'll be upset they can't.go.

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@JudgementalCactus
It’s all about priorities. The OPs DS is only 4. He’d actually enjoy Disney more if he were two years older. So there is time. Time to save up and plan for the DSCs and DH to go as well. (Unless grandparents are poorly/declining, am assuming they are healthy).

I’m just saying that it doesn’t have to be now or never. If I were OP, I’d be trying to plan a Disney trip that is inclusive and working with grandparents to plan it for a year from now or two. You don’t want to go to Florida between May and Sept anyway as it is too hot. I used to live there when I worked at Cape Canaveral.[/quote]
What if the grandparents don’t want to take SC? Not all families blend in this way, they might never have had any relationship.

@TicTacHoh

Yep.

People on MN have screwed up views of blended families.

Seriously taking pre-teen kids out to theme parks with a 2 year age gap is hard enough due to the height difference, but with bigger age gaps it's even harder. And that's even without the family dynamic.

And totally fine for DSC to do things with their mum and her family but god forbid your kids want to do the same.

Disney has something for everyone though at its parks and it doesn’t matter if once there, they split up in two groups with younger in one and older in the other. The point is no one is left behind and misses out on Disney entirely. Don’t forget it also has massive water parks which are amazing.

it doesn’t matter if once there, they split up in two groups with younger in one and older in the other.

It does matter though because my parents don't want to split into two, they both want to see their grandchildren enjoy themselves, not one have to go off with DSC separately.

[quote Capferret]@PlanDeRaccordement ds has cousins who perhaps are the right age.
Also there is a Disney land in Paris.[/quote]
I know, but I was guessing from the comments about cost that the Disney they are referring to is not the one in Paris as that is a very cheap holiday even from the UK.

@KurlyJuly

it doesn’t matter if once there, they split up in two groups with younger in one and older in the other.

It does matter though because my parents don't want to split into two, they both want to see their grandchildren enjoy themselves, not one have to go off with DSC separately.

Why would your parents have to split up? Not following you here.

@LethargicActress

But if OP's son doesn't get to go, then he'll be the one who feels sad and left out when he realises his cousins are going.

How it that any more acceptable?

I don’t think OPs ds should miss out either, but this point doesn’t matter. Plenty of sets of cousins have different holidays and experiences and it’s a non issue.

I think it does matter tbh. It's not the cousins parents taking them, it's the grandparents. So wouldn't it be unfair if grandparents were singling our grandchildren and treating them to holidays without the other grandchildren?

Different obviously if it was a cousins family holiday, I agree that's not comparable. But this is a treat to the grandchildren from their grandparents so it would be extremely unfair if one grandchild had to miss out.