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Original poster

Christmas (already)

400 replies

AutumnLeafy · 17/10/2021 14:36

DH has already had the start of the annual festive drama. This year is mum's year to have the DSC for Christmas but she doesn't want them this year as her boyfriend's child is coming on boxing day so they want to do a family thing then.

All fine but due to the every other year system we are going to see my family this year with LO. So I've said if she really insists then the DSC will just have to come with us to my parents and I'm not asking them to tone down if they want to spoil LO. It's not LO's fault.

Anyway now DH isn't happy because he doesn't want to be the one to say DSC aren't welcome at his either. I've said they are welcome but it's not going to be a great Christmas day spending it with my family knowing their own mum doesn't want them. Just ranting really. There's an agreement for a reason but she likes to try and break it then make DH look bad.

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MrsRobbieHart · 17/10/2021 14:38

Sad poor kids.

Getawaywithit · 17/10/2021 14:42

I've said they are welcome but it's not going to be a great Christmas day spending it with my family knowing their own mum doesn't want them

I’m not sure I could send my children away on ‘my turn’ but presumably the reasoning is avoiding the stress, hassle and cost of doing Xmas Day twice? I would welcome the children with open arms and enjoy the day. Why does it have to be a problem?

ispepsiokay · 17/10/2021 14:46

Your husband has the chance to have his own children on Christmas Day and you're sulking because you (a supposed adult) want to go to your own family.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 17/10/2021 14:47

Just take dss's gifts from you with you... Surely a baby doesn't get that much that dss is going to feel left out?

Brollywasntneededafterall · 17/10/2021 14:47

And why won't your family be buying for dss?

Original poster
AutumnLeafy · 17/10/2021 14:50

@ispepsiokay

Your husband has the chance to have his own children on Christmas Day and you're sulking because you (a supposed adult) want to go to your own family.
I'm not sulking. We can go to see my own family with them. They are more than welcome. But what I am not doing is changing Christmas plans so LO doesn't get to spend all day with their family.
OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnLeafy · 17/10/2021 14:52

@Brollywasntneededafterall

And why won't your family be buying for dss?
They will but they only buy them small gifts. LO will get more than them. That's fine but LO will also get fussed over due to being small and cute.
OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnLeafy · 17/10/2021 14:53

@Getawaywithit it's been every other Christmas since they were small. Then all of a sudden their mum doesn't want them for Christmas to fit in around partners custody arrangements. I think that's shit.

OP posts:
CocaColaTruck1 · 17/10/2021 14:55

I honestly don't see what the issue is

lovelovelove2 · 17/10/2021 14:57

My DSS spends every other chirstmas with us. I would be so happy if he was coming on year he wasn't meant to. And the smaller children would
Be over the moon. But I would make sure he doesn't feel left out with the gifts can you not buy him some extra to take with you.

AshyBlueBear · 17/10/2021 15:00

If it’s an annual festive drama why not stop doing every other year? We used to do every other year and the logistics of seeing various relatives was always a nightmare. Then we realised every other year was what suited us best as adults who each want Christmas with the kids but it actually wasn’t what was best for the children. Now we do Christmas at ours and they go to Dads for New Year. It’s much less stressful and the children are much happier. They prefer having Christmas in the house they spend the most time in and they absolutely love New Years at Dads as he always throws a huge party.

Laserbird16 · 17/10/2021 15:01

I'm not seeing the problem here either. Just have a nice time at your parents? The youngest and smallest always gets fussed over, such is life for an older sibling. As long as you are genuinely pleased to be on their company surely that's what counts?

Brollywasntneededafterall · 17/10/2021 15:01

Well imo it is up to you and dh to make dss feel most definitely bloody wanted at Xmas then isn't it? Your small dc gives no fucks about Xmas or gifts....

Wellonlyifihaveto · 17/10/2021 15:03

Why would ur dh not want his own kids for Xmas? Just go to your family and make sure they’re made a fuss of too surely? No need to make them feel worse because neither parent really wants them there Confused

AshyBlueBear · 17/10/2021 15:03

I’m also quite fortunate in that DH’s parents treat the children no differently to any of their other Grandchildren and they are always thrilled to see them. Especially after last Christmas being lockdown.

forfucksakenett · 17/10/2021 15:05

@Wellonlyifihaveto

Why would ur dh not want his own kids for Xmas? Just go to your family and make sure they’re made a fuss of too surely? No need to make them feel worse because neither parent really wants them there Confused
Exactly this.

OP are you looking for permission/validation here for treating your step children like poor relations?

lunar1 · 17/10/2021 15:05

Your husband must be so happy to get his dc for an extra Christmas, he can make sure they are spoiled and have a great day too.

MrsRobbieHart · 17/10/2021 15:07

It very much comes across as “fine, your Dc can come, but don’t expect anyone to acknowledge them.”

Yes, I realise, that’s not your intention and everyone will speak to them, but that’s the vibe that’s coming from your OP.

Original poster
AutumnLeafy · 17/10/2021 15:09

He does want them but is worried they aren't going to have a good time at my family's as they would with their own family and saying maybe we shouldn't see my family at all. I'm saying that's tough as LO deserves to see my family and they deserve time with LO, especially as last year was so rubbish.

OP posts:
IWantT0BreakFree · 17/10/2021 15:09

I appreciate that their mum is being a PITA and unfair (assuming she just told rather than asked about the change of plans, that is) but I think it's really nice that your DH will have Christmas day with all his kids and that the kids will be with all their siblings. I understand the urge to dig your heels in and refuse to alter your plans, but none of the kids are to blame for this. If you think going to your parents house would be shit for DH's older children then I'd seriously consider whether that's the best way to spend the day. I know it's disappointing and unfair but you're an adult. They're just little kids. Your child won't be missing out by having Christmas day with her siblings and both parents. And depending on how far away your parents are, you could always have them over for part of the day or spend a couple of hours with them in the afternoon perhaps.

Original poster
AutumnLeafy · 17/10/2021 15:10

@MrsRobbieHart

It very much comes across as “fine, your Dc can come, but don’t expect anyone to acknowledge them.”

Yes, I realise, that’s not your intention and everyone will speak to them, but that’s the vibe that’s coming from your OP.

Ah that's not my intention and the person hosting this year instantly said of course that's fine. But they don't really know anyone and there are young children, my own and my neices and nephews who will be made a fuss over.
OP posts:
Getawaywithit · 17/10/2021 15:11

Then all of a sudden their mum doesn't want them for Christmas to fit in around partners custody arrangements. I think that's shit

What is unreasonable about only wanting the hassle and expense of one Christmas Day?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 17/10/2021 15:11

So your DH was planning on sending his kids to his parents for Christmas?

CocaColaTruck1 · 17/10/2021 15:14

But they don't really know anyone and there are young children, my own and my neices and nephews who will be made a fuss over.

Kids will all play together.
But I'd hope a child would have a fuss over them at Christmas no matters who's children they are.
It's about them at the end of the day.

rjacksmiss · 17/10/2021 15:14

Ahhh the true spirit of Christmas alive and well. 🙄

Poor children. If I was your "LO" grandparents I'd welcome their siblings with open arms and make the absolute most of it.