Christmas presents

[peonyrose87]

I've been in my stepson's life for 4.5 years now, married his dad this year and we have a 8 month old baby.

My family have always been kind to my stepson, but now that I have a baby of my own, I'm noticing they don't treat him as-well as the baby which is upsetting me. Christmas is coming up and a few family members have messaged to ask what the baby wants and have a fairly high budget, and then what my step son wants to a very low budget. I feel that especially now we're married, my stepson should be treated the same, but how do I explain this without upsetting people? They've always bought him gifts for Christmas and birthdays but obviously now that there is a difference in budget to the baby I see that they don't think of him the same. He is very much "our son" and I would never want him to be treated otherwise.

How do you all manage this? Thanks!

You sound like a wonderful stepmom and he is lucky to have you.

Some stepmums could do well to take a leaf out of your book.

Good for you but this isn’t the family set up OP wants or is building

OP doesn't get to build a certain set up for her wider family, they do not have to feel or see things the way she does.

The point I and others were making is that the whole "the poor child will love your family like their own and be scarred for life if they aren't viewed in the same way" stuff is not true for all children or families.

Did your family always buy him token gifts or have they reduced it now the baby is here?

How does he view them does he refer to them as Granny , Aunty X etc

OP doesn't get to build a certain set up for her wider family, they do not have to feel or see things the way she does.
@FlipItDown

Course not. You can't make people feel anything.

But you can ask people to behave a certain way around your kids.

"thank you that's lovely, it would be great if you just spent the same on the little one as you do on DSS. We like to treat them equally"

"oh that's so kind of you. But please just spend the same on the little one. Thank you."

Remember, the whole thing might be water off a duck's back for the kids, they might not be "scarred for life" as you say, but how you treat someone's children also affects their parents. I think OP's relatives should be considering her feelings in all this.

And she DOES care.

@sunglassesonthetable but asking them to spend less on the LO means LO is missing out on being treated by their grandparents for the sake of their stepsiblings. So it's tricky.

@Willyoujustbequiet

You sound like a wonderful stepmom and he is lucky to have you.

Some stepmums could do well to take a leaf out of your book.

Sorry, are we all naughty school children?

As so many have pointed out - actually, less money doesn't mean less fun for a child.

And the perceptive among OP's family would maybe take the same budget and spend a bit less on the LO and a bit more on the DSS.

With a lovely mum like OP the LO is never going to 'miss out'.

@BlanketPiggy

@sunglassesonthetable

As so many have pointed out - actually, less money doesn't mean less fun for a child.

And the perceptive among OP's family would maybe take the same budget and spend a bit less on the LO and a bit more on the DSS.

With a lovely mum like OP the LO is never going to 'miss out'.

You could say all of that about DSS and his token gifts.

@aSofaNearYou

Agreed, this OP will make it right for both her kids.

This is part of it.

Clearly the OP doesn't think like you about the situation.

@sunglassesonthetable

As so many have pointed out - actually, less money doesn't mean less fun for a child.

And the perceptive among OP's family would maybe take the same budget and spend a bit less on the LO and a bit more on the DSS.

With a lovely mum like OP the LO is never going to 'miss out'.

I see what you mean yes. A few pounds here or there fine. But if it comes to GP wanting to buy eg. A tablet for the youngest vs some shower gel for the DSC then there is nothing wrong with that imo.

Hi op,

Lovely sentiment here from you. Instead of asking them to even up or increase your DSS' budget could you approach it from the angle of reducing baby's budget drastically? Like say "oh listen, that's so generous but please don't. Everyone is so excited about the baby and we really appreciate it but I want to be mindful that her older brother doesn't feel invisible. So don't go over 10 pounds for either of them please."

could you approach it from the angle of reducing baby's budget drastically? if you do this approach maybe suggest they buy premium bonds or something for the baby?

I think it’s good for children to be treated equally but it’s hard for that to happen with step families. Even if your family gave equal gifts your SC will receive gifts from his side of the family and so have overall more gifts.