Inviting SC to disneyworld - part 2.

[Ohanaa]

Update to my previous thread as I said I would update with the mothers reply.

Previous thread for anyone that’s missed it and reads this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4294452-To-not-invite-step-child-to-Disneyworld-next-year

We sent a message to dsc mum yesterday fully explaining the plan, rough dates and asking if DSC would like to come but we also explained that she would need to pay upfront and we would reimburse once we are there.

Her reply was...

I will not be giving you a fucking penny.

Another text was sent explaining she would
Be paid back in full but due to the past we won’t be paying the money upfront.

She replied with a simple ‘No’.

So SC won’t be coming and her mum can’t even talk about it like a grown up. It’s a shame even if I don’t think DSC would enjoy it that much.

I will get on with booking the holiday this week and she can enjoy her trip with her mum when she goes.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my previous thread.

Enjoy your holiday OP! You did everything you reasonably could. Your DC shouldn’t miss out and you shouldn’t be out of pocket for no good reason.
Shame for dsc but in these circumstances it can’t be helped if there are no guarantees dsc will come after you personally forking out 2 grand on them.

I don’t think the Mum is coming out well but neither is the OP.

It’s very clear the OP has no intention of taking her. And depending on how it was worded, could have riled the Mum up.
Why didn’t someone ask the stepdaughter if she wanted to come?

The only person losing out is the step daughter.

Mumsnet deleted my comment, but I’ll repeat. Your OP a is wrong. You have 2 DC and your husband has 3 DC. “We have 1 SDC” is wrong. She is as much his child as your other 2 are

@BarleyMop

Mumsnet deleted my comment, but I’ll repeat. Your OP a is wrong. You have 2 DC and your husband has 3 DC. “We have 1 SDC” is wrong. She is as much his child as your other 2 are

Yes yes that’s the relevant part. The way I phrased it.

OP has form for not liking her DCS on other threads

I have just realised that myself. I recognised the name from other threads regarding SC and she definitely doesn’t think they should be treated as well as biological children.

@Carboholic

The thread has just been scooped:

www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/family-kids-news/mum-receives-backlash-after-planning-21055369

Jesus.

Just went back and seen this. It must be a slow week on the news front

@bogoffmda

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

She did say there were lots of times this has happened, she just hasn't detailed them. Her Df could pay for it, I agree, but it doesn't sound like he's chosen to make that suggestion.

I was with you OP on the other thread. I totally get why you don't want to fork out thousands for a DSD that was highly unlikely to ever want to come. But I thought you were joking about texting her DM.

All this drama could have been averted by simply talking to DSD first. About 70 - 80% likelihood she would have said no anyway, but if she did say she did want to come that was the time to text her DM and discuss financials after having discussed it with DSD.

TBH even if the DM wasn't a complete nightmare there's very little way anyone would say yes to the text you sent.

@Ohanaa the way you phrased it IS important. It shows a total lack of understanding about this child’s place in your family

@toocold54

OP has form for not liking her DCS on other threads

I have just realised that myself. I recognised the name from other threads regarding SC and she definitely doesn’t think they should be treated as well as biological children.

Because I think an adult step child shouldnt be able to change their mind at the last moment when a OP needs a office to work in her own house

Or because I think a older step child should get her own room even if it’s a box room instead of sharing with a 6 year old Or a baby.

Oh gosh. How selfish.

[quote BarleyMop]@Ohanaa the way you phrased it IS important. It shows a total lack of understanding about this child’s place in your family[/quote]
It realllly really doesn’t.

You are reading way to much into it.

@RaspberryRoyale88

I don’t think the Mum is coming out well but neither is the OP.

It’s very clear the OP has no intention of taking her. And depending on how it was worded, could have riled the Mum up.
Why didn’t someone ask the stepdaughter if she wanted to come?

The only person losing out is the step daughter.

I agree. I also agree with the mother not giving a penny as well. Unless they pay towards holidays the SC takes with the mother and no I don’t count spending money.

OP you did the right thing! Its easy to tell who the bitter 1st wives are on this thread!!! My ex partners dc mum played these sort of games! Would refuse to let dsc come on holiday with us because she couldn't afford to take him herself!!! Then tell everyone and also dsc that my ex partner preferred to go away with my kids! Why should your kids miss out because of a pathetic bitter person!!

[quote BarleyMop]@Ohanaa the way you phrased it IS important. It shows a total lack of understanding about this child’s place in your family[/quote]
No it really doesn't mean this.

*Because I think an adult step child shouldnt be able to change their mind at the last moment when a OP needs a office to work in her own house

Or because I think a older step child should get her own room even if it’s a box room instead of sharing with a 6 year old Or a baby*

Haha are these the other step parenting threads you've commented on? I thought I'd seen you on a couple of step parenting threads but not seen the apparent loathing for SC that people seem to think you've shown.

@aSofaNearYou it really does. The 13 yr old is not her husband’s SDC. She is his DC.

I get the ex is shitty and cancels things last minute for you

But I mean, if my ex asked me to pay for their holiday upfront and they would reimburse me on holiday day, I would also say fuck no If YOU cancelled, she would be out of pocket. I wouldn't take that risk.

This poor child.

@toocold54

There's a way of doing it where you wouldn't lose any money and you're not even interested.

@FightingtheFoo how could she have done it without loosing any money? That would have been the best situation.

I've already explained - the only upfront cost she needs to pay for one extra person in this scenario is the airline tickets and even with those there are options to pay a bit extra for a flexible ticket/speak to the airline about what options are available if someone needs to drop out.

Park tickets, which are the most expensive bit, you don't even need to book until you're there - sure, OP can buy them for the rest of the family and then save the link and on the day SD turns up at the airport just go online and book one more ticket on your phone. If she doesn't turn up you haven't lost anything.

Accommodation - if they already have a room for 4 it is not a problem at all to upgrade or simply to ask Disney to put an extra temporary bed in the room. Disney are the absolute masters of customer service and may possibly not even charge for an extra child in the room (because they make so much ££ from park tickets, merchandise, food etc). Again, this would take a quick phone call to DisneyWorld to find out what the options would be.

But OP has zero interest in doing any of this cause she doesn't want SD there.

What's particularly sad is where SD's dad is in any of this.

The thing that's laughable is if this were any other holiday except Disney I would probably kind of agree with the OP.

But Disney will bend over backwards while doing a one-handed headstand to accommodate guests and I highly doubt, given the amount of families and scenarios they deal with every day, they could not suggest out a simple solution that ensures the OP wouldn't lose money.

Why on earth hasn't the OP picked up the phone to find out?

Just to give you a sense of what they can accommodate, I was once on It's A Small World when I saw them stop the ride to lower into one of the boats an actual hospital bed with a disabled child in it- his parents and siblings then got in and sat down behind it (in the same boat).

Like I said, Disney are the masters of customer service where families are involved.

OP doesn't really want her stepdaughter to go. And she wants to piss of the mum, who she clearly hates.

Of course they could have booked for all of them, and they probably should, but they won't.

As I said in the other thread, I would put some money by instead for this poor child stuck in the middle to have therapy when she realises that all the adults in her life are too embroiled in their own shit to do the right thing by her.

[quote BarleyMop]@aSofaNearYou it really does. The 13 yr old is not her husband’s SDC. She is his DC.[/quote]
Haha two people who actually are step parents have told them how very little this means when they say it, but yes, keep affirming how they are wrong to think that 🙄 It's literally just pedantry, she's writing from her own perspective not her husband's and this is how it came out, it means absolutely jack shit.

And fwiw I really hope that this does end up in the DM, and that the other parties involved see it. Because knowing that your DF is too useless to add you to a family holiday, and that your DM plays mind games with her ex has to be better than this constant power battle that she's absolutely aware of that's currently occurring part ways above her head.

Once she has confirmation that her parents are shitheads she can at least try and move on from it.

OP the wording of your text to her DM was nothing short of inflammatory.

I feel so sorry for the child in this.