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Original poster

Inviting SC to disneyworld - part 2.

382 replies

Ohanaa · 18/07/2021 11:54

Update to my previous thread as I said I would update with the mothers reply.

Previous thread for anyone that’s missed it and reads this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4294452-To-not-invite-step-child-to-Disneyworld-next-year

We sent a message to dsc mum yesterday fully explaining the plan, rough dates and asking if DSC would like to come but we also explained that she would need to pay upfront and we would reimburse once we are there.

Her reply was...

I will not be giving you a fucking penny.

Another text was sent explaining she would
Be paid back in full but due to the past we won’t be paying the money upfront.

She replied with a simple ‘No’.

So SC won’t be coming and her mum can’t even talk about it like a grown up. It’s a shame even if I don’t think DSC would enjoy it that much.

I will get on with booking the holiday this week and she can enjoy her trip with her mum when she goes.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my previous thread. Smile

OP posts:
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toocold54 · 18/07/2021 20:26

How come the girls dad isn’t paying for her? If you are paying for yourself and your children is he putting anything towards it?

DeRigueurMortis · 18/07/2021 20:26

@Sirzy

And the impression from the OP is that her side are doing plenty to stoke the fire even more!

And stuck in the middle is a teen who is being left behind

And left behind by who?

Her SM whose willing to pay for her or her mother whose been a disruption to her daughters relationship with her father for 10 years.

For the 5th time consider whose the root cause of this issue.

Sirzy · 18/07/2021 20:27

I am considering it and my opinion is both sides are contributing to the issue. The OP is hardly coming across as desperate to fi d a way to include her!

RandomCatGenerator · 18/07/2021 20:28

It’s rather sneaky that you haven’t posted your messages OP. Only the mum’s replies.

What did you actually say - not summarised?

Original poster
Ohanaa · 18/07/2021 20:29

@Sirzy

But you don’t know how she is funding her trip. Your argument seems to be around paying for it, if you can afford to and still complain that makes it even worse!

Her holiday plans are irrelevant very few people can afford to pay 1000s unexpectedly in a matter of weeks

Iv already said We can afford it. What I have said is I don’t want to waste the money in the event she doesn’t come! Who would? Certainly no one I know anyway.

Maybe that’s why we have no debt because we don’t purposely waste money on things. It’s like placing a bet when you know the odds are against you.

If she would of been a grown up and said something like she couldn’t afford the amount then we could of come to a compromise but instead she sent a shitty message.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 18/07/2021 20:30

From your posts the first shitty message came from your side. Pay or she doesn’t go hardly invites conversation does it!

RandomCatGenerator · 18/07/2021 20:32

@Sirzy

From your posts the first shitty message came from your side. Pay or she doesn’t go hardly invites conversation does it!
Exactly!
Starseeking · 18/07/2021 20:37

@toocold54

How come the girls dad isn’t paying for her? If you are paying for yourself and your children is he putting anything towards it?

OP is paying for everyone, including her DH AND her DSD, though DSD's DM has to pay up first (and be refunded on the day they fly), in case she whimsically decides DSD isn't going at the last minute.

Original poster
Ohanaa · 18/07/2021 20:38

@RandomCatGenerator

It’s rather sneaky that you haven’t posted your messages OP. Only the mum’s replies.

What did you actually say - not summarised?

Considering this has been published I won’t be posting the full message.
OP posts:
Starseeking · 18/07/2021 20:40

@Sirzy

I am considering it and my opinion is both sides are contributing to the issue. The OP is hardly coming across as desperate to fi d a way to include her!

But why should the OP be desperately trying to find a way to include her DSD? It's not in OP's gift to do so, as her DSD's DM could say no at the last minute, then that's thousands down the drain. Yes the money came from an inheritance/windfall, but I doubt there's many on MN who'd throw away thousands of pounds unnecessarily.

chickenbasket · 18/07/2021 20:41

OP I think as a mother, you really ought to take a step back from this and look at it objectively.

You've not really approached this with a reasonable open discussion, how the fuck you think it's mature and civil to communicate via text is beyond me, this should have been a face to face conversation between them, this is why relationships break down.

But regardless the mother and the shitty situation you have come to, there is a 13 year old girl who is actually in the middle of this, about to be crushed.

I've been the step child that didn't get to go on father's new family holiday, and it really really hurts. You need to approach this as a mother and realise that what you are doing to this child isn't fair, and you need to step up where the mother isn't.

FootballisgoingtoRome · 18/07/2021 20:41

@Sirzy

Do people really except someone to have £1000s available within a month with no prior notice? If so I want to live in your world
This is it essentially the OP can look like she asked while knowing the Mum doesn’t have the kind of money to just pay upfront . After all If she didn’t have the windfall herself she couldn’t afford this kind of holiday herself . But then as someone who described the poor child in the quote below I’m not surprised . OP is bitter her husband first became a Dad with someone else. It’s a dirty little secret she wants to pretend doesn’t exist .

"Not that I care but DSC was no more then a fuck when my husband was bored."

Original poster
Ohanaa · 18/07/2021 20:43

@toocold54 He also doesn’t relish the thought of losing a couple of grand Confused

OP posts:
Boysnme · 18/07/2021 20:44

OP I’ve read your previous post and don’t blame you for not wanting to loose that amount of money (although if I’d got that message from someone my response would have been the same as Dsc’s mum). Disney is not a cheap holiday and park tickets are ridiculous.

Surely though with this type of holiday you wouldn’t be paying it upfront right now. You usually pay a deposit then the rest of the balance 6/8 weeks before you go. The only time I’ve paid upfront has been when I’ve done a DIY holiday not through an agent but it doesn’t sound like you are doing this, and even then it was only the flights I paid which most at the moment are changeable/refundable. Would it not have been worth including her and giving you time to see how she felt next year before you paid in full? Loosing her deposit would be a drop in the ocean of the cost of 3 weeks in florida!

Sirzy · 18/07/2021 20:44

[quote Ohanaa]@toocold54 He also doesn’t relish the thought of losing a couple of grand Confused[/quote]
So he would rather tell his daughter she isn’t welcome. What a fantastic father!

Original poster
Ohanaa · 18/07/2021 20:46

@FootballisgoingtoRome projecting much!

I have pictures of my DSC on my social media, everyone knows about her. She’s not a Bloody dirty secret! Hilarious.

I also corrected that sentence so many times!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 18/07/2021 20:50

You need to approach this as a mother and realise that what you are doing to this child isn't fair, and you need to step up where the mother isn't.

But she can’t make her SD go or override her mum’s wishes so what do you expect her to?

FootballisgoingtoRome · 18/07/2021 20:53

Essentially what she is saying is I’m deciding to book a holiday at the end of the month pay it all upfront with no notice at all. Even though OP won’t be paying it all upfront for the holiday herself at the end of the month . She will only be paying for deposits. Not even half of DSD upfront cost will be covered by her actually Dad no it’s down to the Mum to front it all. Then she needs to leave thousands of pounds with the other woman and only get it back when she has been a good girl .If she can even trust you to give it back to her.

drovememad · 18/07/2021 20:56

"Not that I care but DSC was no more then a fuck when my husband was bored."

Exactly what you said OP, along with other posts being unkind about your DSC.

Sirzy · 18/07/2021 20:59

[quote Ohanaa]@FootballisgoingtoRome projecting much!

I have pictures of my DSC on my social media, everyone knows about her. She’s not a Bloody dirty secret! Hilarious.

I also corrected that sentence so many times![/quote]
But the fact that you even thought to post that says a lot!

funinthesun19 · 18/07/2021 21:04

Then she needs to leave thousands of pounds with the other woman

Other woman Grin. The op has been with her husband for 10 years if I remember rightly. The op is the only woman.

FootballisgoingtoRome · 18/07/2021 21:05

She is not the ONLY woman who her husband had kids with though is she.

toocold54 · 18/07/2021 21:11

“Not that I care but DSC was no more then a fuck when my husband was bored."

I missed that bit!
What a disgusting thing to say about anyone let alone your own SC! There is definitely a huge amount of jealously that comes through towards the mum so maybe it helps OP deal with things if she acts like her DH and the mum didn’t have feelings for each other.

RandomCatGenerator · 18/07/2021 21:13

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HalzTangz · 18/07/2021 21:22

But your not spiting the mother, your spiting the child