Fiancé wants to completly withdraw from DSD's

[45thighs123]

Hi all,

I wonder if anyone has experienced this. My fiance is so alienated from his first two kids aged 5 and 7 he now just wants to withdraw completely.

We live 250 mile away. Contact has been sporadic over the last three years and he left the ex 4.5 years ago he does have to move heaven and earth to get contact time . He just says he cannot deal with the high conflict anymore. We have a one year old together and he's amazing with his son and we have great family time . I'm at a loss , it's his choice so what am I meant to think ??!?? I'm so conflicted. I get on with DSD but to be honest I have not seen them very much. He pays maintenance and always has. He said when they are older he will be there. But I've never seen a parent emotionally withdraw before. And when I see him with our son , I always ask well could you leave him ?He says it's different circumstances, different partner and he's committed to this family life. He has deep regrets over having his first two so young and he didn't want the second to be blunt he said he knew by then the relationship was doomed and bringing another baby into it was a massive mistake. But he's still responsible. Should I just accept his decision and move on?

I couldn't be with someone who so easily gave up on his children honestly. But also not sure what you can do, and you have a DC now.

I could never trust a man willing to abandon his children I sure as hell wouldn't trust him not to do exactly the same to me. What's to stop him doing the same to you?

By withdraw completely does he also include financial support in that? If so and if you're not yet married what security do you have to ensure your child would be financially supported in the event of a split?

It may be different circumstances and a different partner but they're still all equally his children. I couldn't respect someone who gave up on their children.

Well personally if my DP did this I have little doubt I would understand the position he was in and what had led him to it emotionally. It would almost definitely have a lot to do with parental alienation, or it wouldn't have happened. Do you not feel the situation is that bad?

What an unattractive quality he has. I would be encouraging him to continue to develop a relationship with his children.

What makes him think he’ll be there when they are older? If he’s not there for them now they are highly unlikely to want him there later.

It's complete parental alienation, and trying to get contact is very difficult. It's been high conflict and childish blocking galore going on on the exes part. As well as Facebook status and threats of removing him from birth cert.

This is mostly in retaliation for finance leaving his ex and moving on. He's just emotionally done. He doesn't have a bond with the younger DSD at all really.

He said when they are older he will be there.

The damage may will already have been done. He will have a LOT of work to do to repair the abandoned relationship, and considering he can't be arsed to put any work in nowvuts unlikely he will do so at some vague 'when they are older' point in time.

A friend of mine lost touch with his son when he was 8. Due to divorce. It came to light recently that the son has always resented it. And hasn't forgiven him.

nowvuts = now, its

Could he do it to your son...er yes! Someone who has that in them has that in them- is there any amount of conflict that would stop you seeing your child OP?!

Who moved? Him, or his ex?

Who moved?

X post @ineedaholidaynow!

I couldn't respect a man who gave up on his children no matter what. Until that judge at the final hearing says no contact, I would expect him to fight all the way..
Whether its parental alienation or not.. I could never ever give up on my daughter if it was me. Where's his fire?

I agree. If hes ok with it just stop contact. Who moved away. In any case 250 miles apart. I'd say the damage is already done.

I couldn't stay with someone I couldn't love; couldn't love someone I didn't respect; and couldn't respect someone who treated his children as expendable. Nor, for that matter, someone who denied my own child the chance to grow up knowing his big sisters.

Are they 250 miles away because he chose to move 250 miles away from them? Or for some other reason?

And FYI she can't remove him from the birth certificate if he's the natural father.
Why has he not sought legal advice?
Why has he not initiated court proceedings?

I was the child in this situation. I have contact with my dad now, but it still really hurts that he made the choice he did- even though my logical mind says his reasons were valid. The lost time can never be replaced.

Why on earth would he think his kids would be interested when they are older?

Who moved? This is hugely significant. If it was him then I’d say he’s a dickhead.

If it was her, Is it possible for you all to move closer?

I find his attitude really worrying and I’d tell him so

It's a depressingly common occurrence but I wouldn't want to be with a man who could do that.

@Pebbledashery

And FYI she can't remove him from the birth certificate if he's the natural father. Why has he not sought legal advice? Why has he not initiated court proceedings?

He doesn't really want to would be my guess.

Has he thought about how he's going to explain it all to your DS when he's a little older? These children are his siblings.

"Daddy regretted having them and their mummy was mean about him on Facebook" isn't going to go down all that well.

If there's real parental alienation (rather than him sayings 'I can't deal with the conflict' to mean 'I can't be bothered') he can surely go to court to have contact forced or the girls' residency changed.

Has he even tried that?

If not, he is simply giving up on his own children, and he is a shitty excuse for a man.

What a shitty man.

The ex moved to be closer to her family hence the distance.