Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Original poster

Stepkids - rooms

258 replies

winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:20

Pretty sure I am going to get shot for this but here goes.

DH and I have been together for 10 years. He has 2 kids, nearly 18 and 15. I have 2 kids, 11 and 13 and we have DS, 2 years, together. My kids are here 100% and his kids 50% of the time. They all moved in with me about 5 years ago and luckily we have enough room for everyone to have their own bedroom. I gave up my home office to allow his DD, 18, to her have own room. For reasons I won't go into but stem from me having had a very difficult divorce from my ex, DH and I don't share finances. The house was mine and stayed in my name and he pays a very low amount/nominal £500per month in "rent", the idea being that he should have surplus income to invest elsewhere, get a buy to let etc.

Anyhow, my work have just announced that we will not be returning to the office and will work from home permanently from now on. I have a demanding job with lots of calls/papers etc and have so far worked from our bedroom but now that I am permanently losing my real office (at work) I really want to have one at home. DSCs are only here 50% of the time and each have a room each at their mum;s house so I am wondering if I can reclaim one or both rooms as my office, especially given that DSD is nearly 18. She would always be welcome to stay but how long are we expected to hold a dedicated room for her, especially when she also has a room at her mum's house? Seems a bit OTT especially in London when rent/mortgages are so expensive. I am pretty sure that DH will not hear of this but it really adds to my stress levels not having a dedicated space.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:21

Sorry, I would only reclaim one room, not both.

OP posts:

GoWalkabout · 08/04/2021 18:22

Present him with the problem not the solution - I need a dedicated office now.

treeeeemendous · 08/04/2021 18:25

Are they going to university therefore won't be around so much? If not can you put a cabin in the garden?

rjacksmiss · 08/04/2021 18:26

@GoWalkabout

Present him with the problem not the solution - I need a dedicated office now.

Yes!!! Let him decide! Tell him you could look at renting a desk in one of those hot desk places for a certain amount each month to put his idea seem best option.. x

bells1970 · 08/04/2021 18:26

Do you have enough garden space to convert a shed? And get DH to pay for it 😅

Lostmyway86 · 08/04/2021 18:28

You need an office. Can his two share a room? My DSC share a room and we had to split a room in half to give my two babies a teeny nursery each. DH and I have a small room but when stepkids here I mainly sleep on sofa. Needs must. What's your relationship like with DSC? Would they be understanding or is it likely to cause them to feel pushed out etc. At 18, do you know if she's thinking of going to uni? If it really was going to cause problems, one room could become part bedroom/part office so you could use it 50% of the time and assuming they're at collage/work you could still use it when you have them, but then would revert back to a bedroom for the evening? Holidays etc you may need to use communal area.

Lostmyway86 · 08/04/2021 18:29

I also like the cabin in the garden idea!

Original poster

winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:30

Garden is teeny! A shed would take up nearly all of it!

DSD is taking a gap year. Very worrying as she doesn't seem to have any concrete plans. I really really hope that it doesn't mean she is going to be hanging around at home 3.5 days a week.

OP posts:

Beamur · 08/04/2021 18:32

If she's planning on going to Uni, I would wait until then. Understandable and reasonable to need your office back, but the timing might be a bit hard for DSD if she no longer has a room. Would you envisage 2 of the kids sharing?

Lostmyway86 · 08/04/2021 18:33

What about youngest DSC room? They're likely to be at school so it can be office when they're not there, or office when they're at school.....not ideal I know especially if messy.

Also gap year used to usually mean travelling....guess that's all changed now.

Twoforthree · 08/04/2021 18:33

Yes dh needs to find the solution.
Can you move kids round and split the biggest room for the SC?

Modestandatinybitsexy · 08/04/2021 18:33

With 6 bedrooms upstairs is there no space downstairs you could turn into an office?

You could get one of those shut away cupboards and build in storage for documents etc, then it all gets shut away at the end of the day.

SpaceshiptoMars · 08/04/2021 18:33

UK gap year idea - free apart from your labour:
wwoof.org.uk/

Lostmyway86 · 08/04/2021 18:34

Loving that you're not getting shot! Still waiting for the usual suspects...but so far, very sensible!

RandomMess · 08/04/2021 18:34

Do his not come and go as they please? Are they both girls?

I think you have to present him with the issue that you need a dedicated office space and how can it be achieved. Obviously completely rearranging all bedrooms could be on the table OR perhaps he could rent you a room/office somewhere?

Original poster

winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:34

I get on fine with both of DSC and I am sure they will be accommodating. DSD has a very big room in the loft so I have already tried to put in a room divider and create an office area but she is here half the week and I really don't feel comfortable sitting there with her on the other side! Plus I am on loads of calls. Maybe easier to split the bigger room for the both of them and I have DSS's smaller room. Can teenagers share though?

OP posts:

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 08/04/2021 18:35

I agree with presenting DH with the problem not the solution.

Is one of the DSC in a room that is large enough to partition? Are they around during your working hours?

Lostmyway86 · 08/04/2021 18:37

@winterrabbit

Sounds like the best idea if the room is large. I think they're fine to share if both girls. Could be tricky if not.

Beamur · 08/04/2021 18:37

Your update puts another shade on this. I get on well with my DSC's but the prospect of WFH with one of them being at home too 3.5 days a week wouldn't have pleased me.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 08/04/2021 18:38

I don't think you can expect an 18 year old girl to share with a 15 year old boy. Not 50% of the time anyway.

But all the dc (other than the 2 year old) are old enough to understand that someone has to share.

Maybe present the problem to the family as a whole and see what solutions they come up with.

Original poster

winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:38

I don't really want DH to rent me somewhere else. Feel like I work long hours in a job I don't really like to pay a big mortgage so I would like to actually benefit from the space in the house I live in. Plus I LOVE seeing my 2 year old at lunch or quick break times. There really isn't anywhere else quiet that I could work. I did think about the lounge but my 11 year old comes home from school, brings friends, we have a nanny with our 2 year old, they need to use the space, so really not workable. The DSC bedrooms obviously make most sense as they are not used 50% of the time.

OP posts:

SpaceshiptoMars · 08/04/2021 18:40

Can you have a pull-down bed in your bedroom? Expensive, but maybe that isn't the limiting factor. Redesign the room, to make it more comfortable as an office?

Anyway, where do you have flexibility? Money, space, time?

RandomMess · 08/04/2021 18:42

Can you split the loft room properly into 2 rooms?

Original poster

winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:42

@Beamur

Your update puts another shade on this. I get on well with my DSC's but the prospect of WFH with one of them being at home too 3.5 days a week wouldn't have pleased me.

Really? I feel mean for saying it but such a relief to have them back at school. WFH ALONE is one thing but with FIVE kids in the house it's entirely something else. Endless making of lunch by DSC, plates & cups n rooms, endless showers etc. I just feel/felt under siege.

OP posts:

treeeeemendous · 08/04/2021 18:44

With your update I don't think an 18 yr old girl and 15 yr old boy can share really

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Swipe left for the next trending thread