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Original poster

Stepkids - rooms

258 replies

winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:20

Pretty sure I am going to get shot for this but here goes.

DH and I have been together for 10 years. He has 2 kids, nearly 18 and 15. I have 2 kids, 11 and 13 and we have DS, 2 years, together. My kids are here 100% and his kids 50% of the time. They all moved in with me about 5 years ago and luckily we have enough room for everyone to have their own bedroom. I gave up my home office to allow his DD, 18, to her have own room. For reasons I won't go into but stem from me having had a very difficult divorce from my ex, DH and I don't share finances. The house was mine and stayed in my name and he pays a very low amount/nominal £500per month in "rent", the idea being that he should have surplus income to invest elsewhere, get a buy to let etc.

Anyhow, my work have just announced that we will not be returning to the office and will work from home permanently from now on. I have a demanding job with lots of calls/papers etc and have so far worked from our bedroom but now that I am permanently losing my real office (at work) I really want to have one at home. DSCs are only here 50% of the time and each have a room each at their mum;s house so I am wondering if I can reclaim one or both rooms as my office, especially given that DSD is nearly 18. She would always be welcome to stay but how long are we expected to hold a dedicated room for her, especially when she also has a room at her mum's house? Seems a bit OTT especially in London when rent/mortgages are so expensive. I am pretty sure that DH will not hear of this but it really adds to my stress levels not having a dedicated space.

OP posts:
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MattHancocksSexDungeon · 08/04/2021 18:46

Does your 2 year old use his bedroom much in the day? Could you convert that into a home office if he isn’t in it most of the time?

MumblingMom · 08/04/2021 18:48

Could the loft room be split in 2 for both DSC?

Original poster
winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:48

Yes, he plays in it and has his naps in it. Also, why would I use his bedroom when he is there 100% of the time instead of DSC's bedrooms which are empty 50% of the time? The whole point is to have a desk, office chair, monitor (ideally 2 like I have at work) keyboard, etc. It would mean turning all of DS's room into an office. It's not big enough to carve out an area. If I did that i would rather do it in my own room than compromise DS's.

OP posts:
Original poster
winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:53

@MumblingMom

Could the loft room be split in 2 for both DSC?
I think so. Maybe that's the answer. Will look into it.
OP posts:
19lottie82 · 08/04/2021 18:55

They’re there 50% of the time, it’s their home. And it would be really crap to make an 18 yo girl and 15 yo boy share!
Can you put your 2yo in with you and change his room into a playroom / office? If the 18 yo is going to Uni in a year it won’t be for long.

CaviarAndCigarettes · 08/04/2021 18:55

If the loft room is the largest, could you and DH move into that room and partition off an office?

ElderMillennial · 08/04/2021 18:56

Sounds like you have a solution with splitting the loft

But yes you need space to work

Whether two of them can share depends on whether both boys or girls at that age

ElderMillennial · 08/04/2021 18:58

@19lottie82

They’re there 50% of the time, it’s their home. And it would be really crap to make an 18 yo girl and 15 yo boy share! Can you put your 2yo in with you and change his room into a playroom / office? If the 18 yo is going to Uni in a year it won’t be for long.
It's the 2 yo's home too. And OP's.

Bit of course the SM and resident child should compromise so that the (nearly adult) SC do not have to

Original poster
winterrabbit · 08/04/2021 18:58

@19lottie82

They’re there 50% of the time, it’s their home. And it would be really crap to make an 18 yo girl and 15 yo boy share! Can you put your 2yo in with you and change his room into a playroom / office? If the 18 yo is going to Uni in a year it won’t be for long.
Why should DS lose his room instead of DSC when they have rooms at their mum's? How is that fair?
OP posts:
ihavenowords30 · 08/04/2021 19:02

You need a office it's not a questions. It was a office before them so has every right to return to one. I see no reason why she cannot find another option either sharing when she's there or a air bed etc

MumblingMom · 08/04/2021 19:03

God forbid DSC should have to compromise, even if they do live elsewhere 50% of the time.

Lostmyway86 · 08/04/2021 19:03

Sounds like the best solution is to put a partition wall up in the loft and make it 2 rooms for DSC. Definitely don't put your 2 year old in with you and use his room - terrible advice.

Notaroadrunner · 08/04/2021 19:05

I think if this is brought up with DSD, it might just bring the coming and going from mum to dad to a natural end. Surely adult children get to a stage where they choose to remain in one house fulltime, while still being able to visit the other parent when they wish. However, if she still wants to stay at yours half the week then splitting the loft between her and her brother is probably the best option.

suzzze · 08/04/2021 19:05

I honestly think the best thing would be to move the 2 year old into your room. I understand he is there 100 percent of the time but he will be just as happy playing and napping elsewhere. Could also have the office as a playroom too. Moving the teens will probably cause the most upset so I would avoid that if possible. That's just what I would do though

Thisgirlcando · 08/04/2021 19:06

Are your 11 and 13 year old girls or boys? Say the 13 year old is a son could your 15 year old step son share with him half the week, they would be more likely to have things in common

Lostmyway86 · 08/04/2021 19:07

@suzzze

I honestly think the best thing would be to move the 2 year old into your room. I understand he is there 100 percent of the time but he will be just as happy playing and napping elsewhere. Could also have the office as a playroom too. Moving the teens will probably cause the most upset so I would avoid that if possible. That's just what I would do though
Yes but OP might not be happy with that. I certainly wouldn't want to share my bedroom with my 2 year old!
saymynames · 08/04/2021 19:08

@Notaroadrunner

I think if this is brought up with DSD, it might just bring the coming and going from mum to dad to a natural end. Surely adult children get to a stage where they choose to remain in one house fulltime, while still being able to visit the other parent when they wish. However, if she still wants to stay at yours half the week then splitting the loft between her and her brother is probably the best option.
I agree with this. I'm stunned at the posters who are suggesting op moves the 2yo out of his room to accommodate the SC
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/04/2021 19:10

I agree with presenting the problem and asking for his thoughts in solving it.

He’d be taking the piss to object to you having the dedicated office you need when he pays £500 for what he and his kids get for it.

SpaceshiptoMars · 08/04/2021 19:11

I'm stunned at the posters who are suggesting op moves the 2yo out of his room to accommodate the SC
One of my SC stayed ft until 30, so that might not work as the 2yr old grew older.....

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/04/2021 19:12

Eye rolling like mad at the idea that any of OP’s children, who live there full time, should give up their space. Typical and typically ridiculous.

OverTheRainbow88 · 08/04/2021 19:18

Option 1:I would partition the attic for both SC.

Option 2: You and OH move to attic room and partition off an office

Option 3: Office garden shed thing

Twoforthree · 08/04/2021 19:24

If you can't properly split the loft room, can you feasibly split one of the other rooms and move one of your dc up there, or do as a pp suggested and move up there yourself and give yourself a dedicated space.

supersonicginandtonic · 08/04/2021 19:29

The step kids cannot share, they are a boy and a girl. You could partition the loft room with a proper walll, I have done this for dd and dsd, it worked really well.

I hate this, they have rooms elsewhere. My children have a room here and a room at their dads, they have 2 homes. Same with DSD, she has one room here and one at her mums.

I think the loft solution would be the best for your situation.

aSofaNearYou · 08/04/2021 19:45

@suzzze

I honestly think the best thing would be to move the 2 year old into your room. I understand he is there 100 percent of the time but he will be just as happy playing and napping elsewhere. Could also have the office as a playroom too. Moving the teens will probably cause the most upset so I would avoid that if possible. That's just what I would do though
Why on Earth would that be the best solution, given how much people like to bang on about adult children not moving out for years after 18? You could easily end up with a 10 year old still sharing your room as adult DSD has yet to formally move out.
andweallsingalong · 08/04/2021 19:46

I like pp's suggestion of OP moving into the large loft and partitioning part off for the office. Sounds a lot quieter and more private for work calls during the day and no one in the other side to disturb.