Stepkids - rooms

[winterrabbit]

Pretty sure I am going to get shot for this but here goes.

DH and I have been together for 10 years. He has 2 kids, nearly 18 and 15. I have 2 kids, 11 and 13 and we have DS, 2 years, together. My kids are here 100% and his kids 50% of the time. They all moved in with me about 5 years ago and luckily we have enough room for everyone to have their own bedroom. I gave up my home office to allow his DD, 18, to her have own room. For reasons I won't go into but stem from me having had a very difficult divorce from my ex, DH and I don't share finances. The house was mine and stayed in my name and he pays a very low amount/nominal £500per month in "rent", the idea being that he should have surplus income to invest elsewhere, get a buy to let etc.

Anyhow, my work have just announced that we will not be returning to the office and will work from home permanently from now on. I have a demanding job with lots of calls/papers etc and have so far worked from our bedroom but now that I am permanently losing my real office (at work) I really want to have one at home. DSCs are only here 50% of the time and each have a room each at their mum;s house so I am wondering if I can reclaim one or both rooms as my office, especially given that DSD is nearly 18. She would always be welcome to stay but how long are we expected to hold a dedicated room for her, especially when she also has a room at her mum's house? Seems a bit OTT especially in London when rent/mortgages are so expensive. I am pretty sure that DH will not hear of this but it really adds to my stress levels not having a dedicated space.

You 💯 need an office that isn't your bedroom. I've worked from home for the past year and it's horrific to "live at work" and to sleep and work in the same space isn't healthy at all.

Some families don't have the luxury of clearing a bedroom and have to make do with working in a corner?!

Obviously that comment was within the context of a family that does.

@aSofaNearYou

Some families don't have the luxury of clearing a bedroom and have to make do with working in a corner?!

Obviously that comment was within the context of a family that does.

I may have misread it that the PP said any breadwinner shouldn't have to make do with a corner, rather than the OP..

OP, I'm pretty sure I've read your posts under a different username (details too specific not to be) and you've been wanting to get this sorted for a while.

YANBU at all with the suggestion of splitting the big loft room. You do need and deserve an office space. I'm sorry you feel unable to express your needs to your family. It sounds like your DH is unsupportive in more ways than one.

This is unbelievable.

Your JOB is now at home.

EVERYONE has to adjust to that change and it is not as if it is one which has been decided on by you.

I would have a family meeting and simply say that this house now has to 'house' your job too, and it needs a room, and yep, it's a priority because without it, there's no house at all. The end.

Yes absolutely your SC should be the ones to compromise here because they have other dedicated spaces which your DC don't have. All children need equal treatment. Equal doesn't mean the same in every instance. The first thing to look at is - does every child have their own room in the house they live in most? - or if 50/50, do they have at least one house with dedicated space?

You HAVE to do it that way. The notion that your 2 year old should be left with no dedicated space so that your DSC can retain two dedicated space - jesus wept.

The cherry on top here - that you fund a house big enough for them to have all had their own rooms so far while your DH pays what IS a completely low 'rent' for what is in effect a three-person 'rental' 50% of the time... while keeping the rest of his finances separate for him to invest elsewhere - OMG.

I've not read every post but um, has thre been any suggestion that maybe just maybe it's their dad's responsibility to make up any 'shortfall' in the housing YOU provide by dipping into his solo money for his children? That HE compromises his current situation rather than you be expected to do your already-stressful-job-that-pays-for-everything from a table in the corner of the bedroom? (the phrase 'killing the golden goose' rather springs to mind...)

Short answer is that your almost-adult DSC should have the large attic room, fully partitioned off. If that makes for two pretty small rooms, that's fine. They will still have their own private space, as long as there is room for a bed, some drawers etc. - fine. They have their own more extensive space at their other home. Your house is still a place where they are provided for - and a lot better than many other situations where blended families with much less money not even provided by their own dad but apparently that isn't his problem but OPs manage.

It's mad that anyone would expect any of the older kids to share with the 2 year old, surely it just wouldn't work? He'll be going to bed way earlier and getting up earlier too - they'll constantly be disturbing each other.

OP, not sure what the answer is but it sounds like you have a good relationship with your SCs so if they're willing to share - which I think you said they are? - then go ahead with that.

I guess the only other option is to set yourself up somewhere in the downstairs portion of the house, OR add a desk to one of the children's bedrooms who are at school so that you have that space most of the day? Not ideal but at least you won't have SD coming in and out if you do that.

you don't share finances due to a problem ex.....and now you're allowing yet another man and his children to call the shots in YOUR home?!!!!
You've put yourself in the poistion that you 'need' his permission to reclaim your own personal space????

how about you just turn round and say THIS is what is happening and tough shit if you don't like it - rent a place of your own and take care of your own responsibilities?

Any update @winterrabbit