I don't like when my Step Children are home...

[Amanda87]

Sorry, but I really feel so much better and happier when it's just DH and me!
I miss the quiet, I miss the adult time and most of all, I hate hearing all the time: Mom did this... Mom said that... Mom bought this...
Uuuuuuuuuuugh!

I know I'll be thrown many rocks at in here, but just wanted to vent and I know many people feel like me.
I would do anything when they're here, from cooking to entertainment, but I like it better when I'm disengaged and leave their dad with them.
I even rather come to work when they're home because I feel better outside.
Now, I'm not horrible or a monster like I know I'll be labeled as. I just feel like nobody will every be ready and 10000% ok with being a step parent to children that aren't theirs...
Well...

Do you not like children in general or do you just not like them?

Do you have kids OP?

I don’t blame you - it’s why I’d never date a man with kids (if I were single).

I’m totally not cut out for other people’s children. I recognise my limitations.

I would feel the same OP. I often feel similar about my own to be fair! 😂

I'd leave. Honestly. Why sign yourself up to a life where you're actively miserable and resentful? Just seems mad to me.
(And that's before even considering how you might be making your bloke and his kids feel, but purely yourself).

@Eekay

I'd leave. Honestly. Why sign yourself up to a life where you're actively miserable and resentful? Just seems mad to me. (And that's before even considering how you might be making your bloke and his kids feel, but purely yourself).

Yeah, leaving is not something I consider, because I love him and we're married and I would like to stay like that. Also, I don't expect him not to see his kids.

@Wondermule

Do you have kids OP?

Not yet, but always wanted to, Honestly, I feel like all the ex's drama e kids' need for attention and stress that this has caused me have delayed me trying and having a child of my own.

How is it venting if you 'know' you're going to be flamed?

@CrazyNeighbour

Also, I don't expect him not to see his kids.

That old chestnut, I think it is the conscious und subconscious efforts to sabotage their relationship whilst being able to maintain doe-eyed innocence that tends to be the problem.
Of course he should have seen reality for what it was too.

Are you a step mom?

You can't have it all??!! His children are apart of him! Learn to live with it or leave

So - great to have a vent, but you’re married to a man with kids, so life goes on.

I know that’s big fat stating the obvious, but ...

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I don’t blame you - it’s why I’d never date a man with kids (if I were single).

I’m totally not cut out for other people’s children. I recognise my limitations.

Same.

"That old chestnut, I think it is the conscious und subconscious efforts to sabotage their relationship whilst being able to maintain doe-eyed innocence that tends to be the problem.
Of course he should have seen reality for what it was too."

This!

So op, you just don't like your dh's kids. Tough though cos they're always going to be priority. How do you feel about that? Also, how old are the kids? I wonder what types of tensions you're going to bring about when you have kids with him...

That old chestnut, I think it is the conscious und subconscious efforts to sabotage their relationship whilst being able to maintain doe-eyed innocence that tends to be the problem.
Of course he should have seen reality for what it was too."

Yep, this kind of honesty and self awareness would have been great for the op, prior to the marriage.

Don't bring another child into this.

Let it all out girl! It’s good to vent.

Blimey @Amanda87 if you can’t vent here then that’s a sad day.

I’m sure loads of family members ( blood relations) feel the same grandparents / grandchildren. Bio dads/ kids. It’s nice to be with people but nice to have your own space just the two of you.

You’ve said you’re doing all the things a mum would do when they are with you but you like it when they are not- I don’t see the issue. How many mums couldn’t wait to ship their kids off to school when they opened again??!

I think it's ok to prefer when they're not here. I love it when they come but also love it when they leave.

Op what exactly is it that you don't like? I don't think you can be surprised that they talk about their mum as that's what kids do. Is there anything you can do so it gets to you less?

You also mention doing cooking and entertaining. Their dad should be doing the majority of that when they are there.

Do you have space to sneak off with a book or something when they are around when it gets too much?

@CrazyNeighbour

Also, I don't expect him not to see his kids.

That old chestnut, I think it is the conscious und subconscious efforts to sabotage their relationship whilst being able to maintain doe-eyed innocence that tends to be the problem.
Of course he should have seen reality for what it was too.

Some of us had a good stepmother. And then went on, having learnt the joy of giving a child an unexpected break, to pass it forward.

My stepmother was the light in my family. Lively, fun-loving, nature-loving, music-loving. She passed on her enthusiasms and, hopefully, some of her wisdom. I remember waking in the morning to the sound of her piano - she was very talented and very inspiring.

Nothing wrong with that OP - just count the years down til they don't have to come and stay....life is much better since dss got old enough to decide when he wanted to come rather than fulfilling the arrangement.
Don't let being a step mum put you off having kids....totally different experience

Goodness people are any of you step parents?
I totally relate OP. The kids were the only tie to his ex- and he got so depressed every time he had to speak to her as she always laid in to him. The boys were OK, fought a lot which I wasn't used to, and the eldest moved in with us after our own son was born. So yes I preferred it when it was just my husband and our kids, life was a lot easier. But of course I knew the reality and I just got on with it. Knowing that you'd rather it was just you and him is OK, perfectly natural. It just isn't reality, so you have to learn to accept his kids and sharing him. Try and build a relationship with them rather than wishing they were elsewhere, they will be your kids siblings after all.

Just tell them their dm doesn't make the rules in your house...

Are step parents ever happy with their situation?

I don't think it would be fair to bring another child into the equation.

I imagine they'll grow up eventually and stop coming over as much.

Surely you knew this when you got together with a man with children?