Don't want to buy house with DP because of DS - please help.

[6079SmithW]

I am in a long term relationship with my DP and we are currently looking to buy a house together. I have two primary school age DC, my DP has a DS 16.
From the outset my DP explained there were 'issues' with his DS. He said this was due to his ex not allowing him to discipline his son, not giving boundaries, both of them spoiling him materially and potentially some MH issues (which had not been properly explored/resolved). My DP has apparently always been the bad guy for trying to get any of these issues sorted.
The DS hasn't been in any form of education for the last two years. He has no routine or curfew and is allowed to sleep/wake/eat etc whenever he wants. He regularly smokes cannabis (maybe self medicating?). He has been accused twice of sexual assault. Police were involved on both occasions but there were no charges. I know the second incident was a complete fabrication (he was elsewhere at the time) but who knows what happened the first time. I don't believe that he sexually assaulted anyone, but something must have happened for these girls to make these claims? He constantly asks my DP for money/items which DP can't afford but invariably provides anyway. He treats DP like crap, shows no respect, speaks to him badly, blocks his number regularly and is violent.
I'm finding it so hard to find anything to like about this child, and frankly also my DP when I see the way he simpers around DS. I really don't want him in my house, but if we buy together I will have no choice. It's making me think twice about buying together at all, but I love DP and want to be with him. Please help!

@Hoppinggreen

If you buy a house with this man how will you keep his son away from your Dc? This boy has been failed by both his parents and needs help but even so I wouldn’t especially want him near my dc

This. You can’t buy a house with him and ensure your dcs safety. Maybe putting your house plans on hold will finally be the thing that makes your dp step up as a dad.

I'd wait. My best mate had been to hell and back with her step children, because of the same issues. The eldest has ruled the entire house. Yes its because of the dad, but simply because he was terrified, and I mean, terrified that the ex would turn the kids against him, and the thought of not seeing them wasn't one he could cope with. They knew this of course, and any discipline was met with a phonecall to mum to go home early, or a punishment no visit the following week.

Inevitably, ex wife did achieve this, and he now has no relationship with either of his daughters and it almost killed him. Their relationship survived... just.

I know this is different, but these things are rarely straightforward, I'd wait. Not totally disregard the idea, but hold it. If you decide to go ahead, think of wills too. Half that house will prob go to him.