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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step daughter ignoring me

409 replies

Stepparentwoes · 08/02/2021 17:50

As above really. Dp and I have been living together for 2 years, she is 14, and an only child. I have children.

Everything was fine she chose to spend most of her time here (she has her own room) and we used to chat away all the time and I really liked her, a couple of months ago she simply started blanking me. There was no apparent reason, although I know this happened with her other parents partner around the same time and they have split up because of it.

My dp tells me to just leave it and that she will come around but she has now stated that she never liked me in the first place.

Its beyond the point of rude this is my house, I pay the bills, I pay the rent, the house is in my name and the blatant disrespect is driving me insane.

I was in an abusive relationship and it feels exactly the same, walking on egg shells, not allowed to say anything, even overhearing her on the phone saying she is going to tell me "a few home truths".

Dp will not talk to her, dp is afraid of frightening her away if rules and boundaries are put into place which is obviously less than ideal.

Also around the same time she fell out with her close friendship group, I asked dp if it was all linked and dp has told me they won't talk about it, there's nothing going on and just to leave it, but I am worried there's something there, but she obviously won't talk to me about it and dp won't talk to her.

Has anyone else been through this. Anything I can do to fix it, or is it totally unfixable?

Tia Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 26/06/2021 11:55

Thanks everyone. I wasn't sure anyone would remember my thread.

My kids and I are so happy, everything just feels so much more relaxed, we can mess about without having to worry about someone coming in and changing the atmosphere.

I did toy with the idea of texting SD and telling her I'm here for her, but I decided against it, although I really feel for her, and I really, really do, she isn't my responsibility and it wasn't my mistakes that got her to this point. I imagine she will mess up to the point she will be kicked out again and I don't want to feel responsible for housing her because I'm pretty sure she has nowhere to go after this place.

Its been really tough in a lot of ways, but life feels a million times easier now.

Thanks again for all your support Flowers

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 26/06/2021 14:38

It's really good to read your update and that you and your kids are so much happier now. Well done for seeing the truth of things and having the strength to make the decision to end the relationship. Flowers

malificent7 · 05/07/2021 22:55

Well she is 14...my 13 year old dd dosn't chat to me as much any more and xan ve rude. Like many teens, she is taking her angst out on those closest to her. Try not to take it personally.
Having said that, Disney dad needs to grow a pair.

JennysMiddleFinger · 06/07/2021 03:35

Thanks for the update.

sashh · 06/07/2021 05:34

OP

Your SD sounds a lot like I was at a few years older with my parents.

was crying out for them to listen to me and they were busy with running a business and in my mother's case hitting the bottle.

My brother had always been the boy they wanted and I was supposed to follow in his foot steps. I'm very much not the same person as my brother.

You need to make a choice, either they leave and you get back to life as a single parent or all children in the family are treated the same and parented by both parents in the household.

The debt is not your problem but your partner needs to sort it out.

Talk to your DSD and listen to her. What does she want? At the moment she has one parent who doesn't want her and another who isn't being a parent and is not doing anything to create a stable home for her.

PollyPepper · 14/07/2021 19:29

Just read your whole thread OPand I am in awe of you, you have done more than was ever expected of you for your ex SD, and clearly more than either of her actual parents have ever done.

I'm so glad you and your DC seem happier and are enjoying your home again. Please don't ruminate over what went wrong or what more you could have done - There was nothing more you could do.

I agree its best not to text Ex SD, she is not your problem anymore, and you can have her best wishes in mind in a way that feels right for you without actually contacting her.

Sending you lots of strength Flowers

19lottie82 · 18/07/2021 23:03

@sashh finish reading the thread, the OP chucked them out ages ago.

Waitingforbabypage · 25/07/2021 11:10

@Stepparentwoes

As above really. Dp and I have been living together for 2 years, she is 14, and an only child. I have children.

Everything was fine she chose to spend most of her time here (she has her own room) and we used to chat away all the time and I really liked her, a couple of months ago she simply started blanking me. There was no apparent reason, although I know this happened with her other parents partner around the same time and they have split up because of it.

My dp tells me to just leave it and that she will come around but she has now stated that she never liked me in the first place.

Its beyond the point of rude this is my house, I pay the bills, I pay the rent, the house is in my name and the blatant disrespect is driving me insane.

I was in an abusive relationship and it feels exactly the same, walking on egg shells, not allowed to say anything, even overhearing her on the phone saying she is going to tell me "a few home truths".

Dp will not talk to her, dp is afraid of frightening her away if rules and boundaries are put into place which is obviously less than ideal.

Also around the same time she fell out with her close friendship group, I asked dp if it was all linked and dp has told me they won't talk about it, there's nothing going on and just to leave it, but I am worried there's something there, but she obviously won't talk to me about it and dp won't talk to her.

Has anyone else been through this. Anything I can do to fix it, or is it totally unfixable?

Tia Flowers

I have this EXACT thing....but with a sodding 4 year old! He blanks me completely, or if I do get a response it's pure backchat and he sounds just like his mother. Yesterday he chose to just shoot me daggers everytime I opened my mouth (not to talk to him, even if I was talking to someone else)

We only have him for the weekends and on Friday the excuse I get from his dad is "he's tired from a week at school" Saturdays excuse is "he must not have slept well last night" and sundays is "he's just ready to be home with his mum again"
It's exhausting.
I now no longer enjoy my weekends.

Checasino · 26/07/2021 06:38

She's possibly testing your commitment to the family. Not necessarily consciously but she may be worried that you will leave too.

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