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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step daughter ignoring me

409 replies

Stepparentwoes · 08/02/2021 17:50

As above really. Dp and I have been living together for 2 years, she is 14, and an only child. I have children.

Everything was fine she chose to spend most of her time here (she has her own room) and we used to chat away all the time and I really liked her, a couple of months ago she simply started blanking me. There was no apparent reason, although I know this happened with her other parents partner around the same time and they have split up because of it.

My dp tells me to just leave it and that she will come around but she has now stated that she never liked me in the first place.

Its beyond the point of rude this is my house, I pay the bills, I pay the rent, the house is in my name and the blatant disrespect is driving me insane.

I was in an abusive relationship and it feels exactly the same, walking on egg shells, not allowed to say anything, even overhearing her on the phone saying she is going to tell me "a few home truths".

Dp will not talk to her, dp is afraid of frightening her away if rules and boundaries are put into place which is obviously less than ideal.

Also around the same time she fell out with her close friendship group, I asked dp if it was all linked and dp has told me they won't talk about it, there's nothing going on and just to leave it, but I am worried there's something there, but she obviously won't talk to me about it and dp won't talk to her.

Has anyone else been through this. Anything I can do to fix it, or is it totally unfixable?

Tia Flowers

OP posts:
MeridianB · 13/02/2021 18:31

Awww, sending more 💐

I agree it was inevitable that things would be heated. Perhaps she thought once you’d got it out of your system everything could go back to normal. But you are doing so well and the end is in sight.

forrestgreen · 13/02/2021 18:51

I think an argument was inevitable. Keep the higher ground, be polite but firm. You've said all that was necessary. And nothing you say to sd will help in any way, I don't think she'll be capable of listening.

KarmaNoMore · 13/02/2021 19:01

I hope this weekend goes as planned, stay strong Flowers

Butterymuffin · 13/02/2021 19:05

If your partner hadn't blocked all your efforts to talk about this previously, maybe a row could have been avoided. But you tried and tried and she wasn't having it. So now it's come to this. I'm not surprised by her about turn, she must have been shocked you would actually end it having fobbed you off before. However, she can't be allowed to keep treating you like this and I hope it's a wake up call for her and that you can get through it. Keep imagining the lovely peaceful home you will have afterwards.

combatbarbie · 13/02/2021 19:47

The reaction doesn't from DP doesn't surprise me at all. Do you know what the issue was at DSDs mums house? Was she asked to leave? Now they are holed up together I wonder if they are both having an epiphany. Too late for that now though.

Hammonds · 13/02/2021 19:51

OP this is the calm before the storm. Brace yourself it will eventually pass

mum2bin2021 · 13/02/2021 20:10

I've been following this thread silently and just wanted to congratulate you op, for putting yourself and your DC first. I can't imagine how hard it must be on you to know how shitty things are going to get for your ex but you didn't cause that... your ex did. Adults learn by consequences, hopefully she'll learn that she's better investing in a stable home and finances for her and her child rather than trying to buy her way to her child's affections. Pour yourself a wine and strap in for the worst days that will be followed by relief and freedom for you and your children Thanks

Mrsmummy90 · 13/02/2021 21:13

Sending you a handhold! Well done for standing your ground.
You've got this xx

CrotchetyQuaver · 13/02/2021 21:39

Wishing you all the best OP. You're in a completely untenable situation, the poor girl has been let down very badly by her parents and by the sound of it - without extensive family therapy and a willingness on the part of both of them to do better (which appears unlikely to happen) - nothing will change. Frankly you're banging your head against a brick wall and they'll bring your little family down with them.

Meggymoo777 · 13/02/2021 23:01

I'm with all the other PPs in wishing you the best OP x
I've followed your thread and you just sound lovely, so understanding, you seem to have a great head on your shoulders and I'm glad you did what you needed to do for your and your DCs happiness, it's inspiring to read the inner thoughts of a very strong woman. X
Hope the rest of the weekend goes okay for you, wishing you peace ❤️ x

RootyT00t · 13/02/2021 23:14

@Stepparentwoes

Sock clips Shock who knew they were even a thing. They may be my saving grace Grin

Things haven't changed much for the rest of the day. Sd pops down her and dp speak over my head and sd retreats back to her room again. Dp is barely speaking as she feels stressed about a lot of things (nothing specific when I asked).

I think this split was inevitable really, the issues have just been magnified as I'm not getting a break from them at all, I'm in all the time, so its just sooner than it would have been if life was normal.

I really cannot imagine what sd will be like at 20, I hope she has a life revelation and turns herself around, I really do, but with a bad attitude (not her fault) and 2 enabling Mums I can't see how she will.

My heart breaks for her, it really does, but I'm also relieved it won't be my problem when it gets worse.

Thank you so much for the support, I don't have any irl (family disowned me for coming out and I have no friends that are just mine).

Dreading the next couple of days so I'll keep popping back if anyone is around to listen to my tales of woe Grin

Oh bless you op 💖
SeasonFinale · 14/02/2021 05:17

I hope that they do leave peacefully. In a way the hardest part will have been the telling them to go.

justilou1 · 14/02/2021 10:27

The next thing that is going to happen is that SD is going to be used as a tool to guilt-trip you further...
“If you loved her so much, you wouldn’t be making us homeless...” etc...
It’s all bullshit.
Your dp is steering this and creating a monster. Get out while you can.

7yo7yo · 14/02/2021 10:43

I’ve read this from beginning to end. Well done op. It’s difficult and heart breaking but you’ve done the hardest part.
Are they packing to go?
Hope your ok x

billybagpuss · 14/02/2021 10:58

Handhold for today, can I recommend takeaway and crappy kids film for you and your dc tonight (and maybe wine for you)

DimidDavilby · 14/02/2021 15:49

Hope everything is going as well as it can be Flowers

MzHz · 14/02/2021 17:17

You’re absolutely doing the right thing. Given your past I completely get why you’ve thought tho would be a better bet. And it was. For a bit.

Being on your own, being happy and carefree in your house with your dc will be bliss.

You’ll get through this bad stuff and it will all be worth it.

MzHz · 14/02/2021 17:18

Your dp was running your life in her own way, making you miserable and unhappy

You deserve better. Your kids deserve a happy mum.

Dsd needs a reality check, but as you say, it’s not of your doing and you’re not able to fix it.

acatcalledjohn · 14/02/2021 22:52

I hope you're ok OP. Can't imagine today has been easy, but the future will be easier. Thanks

Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 15/02/2021 11:40

Thanks everyone Flowers

Sorry i didn't come back yesterday, a lot went on, it was really difficult and I was just drained from it.

Basically SD stormed out and went missing , she only had a tshirt on and it was raining etc so there was a good couple of hours of looking for her. She came back and they had an argument and it was absolutely brutal.

Exdp spent a lot of time crying and begging, sd was just absolutely nasty and cruel, rewriting history and placing herself as the victim. The scary thing is that I genuinely think she believes it.

They are gone though. There's lots of stuff here that I'm sorting through and packing up to make things as quick and painless as possible.

That was probably one of the hardest days I've ever had. I'm still reeling from it all a bit, but also glad to have my home back.

OP posts:
Lordamighty · 15/02/2021 11:49

StepparentwoesI hope everything settles down now for you & your dcs & you can enjoy some peace in your own home. You deserve it.

acatcalledjohn · 15/02/2021 11:50

So glad to hear they are gone.

sd was just absolutely nasty and cruel, rewriting history and placing herself as the victim. The scary thing is that I genuinely think she believes it.

Her parents have made her that way. The longer they leave it, the harder it will be for her to be a functioning member of society.

Well done, OP. Here's to a happy future for you and your kids!

Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 15/02/2021 11:58

Its definitely her parents fault, I was absolutely shocked at the things she was saying. There was maybe a tiny grain of truth in some of it, but she added arms and legs on to paint me as an absolute monster (things like taking over christmas because I don't do it the way she's used to etc, she was acting like it was a personal slight against her) her Mums got it as well, she made on like they were the worst people in the world.

It was pretty awful.

I feel pretty exhausted today, a lot of stuff is hitting me and I've had some harsh realisations about myself as well as exdp and sd.

Onwards and upwards though. The worst bit is definitely over Smile

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/02/2021 12:01

Well done.

billybagpuss · 15/02/2021 12:08

Well done hope you’re able to relax a bit this week.

She sounds like a very messed up little girl. She’s trying to hang on to things, times when she perceived herself to be happy and it doesn’t work so she’s finding people to blame it on.

There was nothing you could have done. I’m guessing Christmas was something as stupid as they did this and you did that and you would happily have compromised if she’d just said.