Moving in with new partner but teens are saying no

[palindrome666]

I've been separated from my ex for 6 years and he now lives abroad. We have two girls, 16 and 20 and I am the sole carer. One at home, the other at uni. Two and a half years ago I met my new partner who lives 150 miles away. We have fallen in love but taken things very slowly for the kids' sake. But my girls have been quite hostile to him from the start, although we did manage a holiday together last summer with his 2 boys and my younger DD (and her friend). He stayed with us over the first lockdown. But still they haven't softened towards him, even though he's a lovely man and very easy going (the rest of my family adore him). We are both committed to the relationship and want to live together in a new home in the city where he lives. With my eldest moving into her final year at uni, and my younger DD about to start 6th form, summer 2021 seems the best time. I've floated the idea to them but they have flat-out refused to move. I'm less concerned about my older DD who is flying the nest, but feel for my younger who wants to stay here where her friends and family are. I've said that we will visit regularly and her friends can come and visit us but she's adamant that she won't go. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced similar with their kids and how they resolved it? Is it time for tough love or should I respect her wishes and stay put, putting my own feelings and needs aside?

Cant he move to you? I van understand at age 16 not wanting to move

I don't blame your youngest DD really. She is about to embark on the "introduction to adulthood" with more parties, going out etc etc (theoretically!!) and, instead, you want to tear her away from all her friends to go and live with a man she doesn't like.

How old are his children?

What reasons have they given for not liking him?

I think you should respect her wishes unfortunately

Also, why not just wait a couple of years until your youngest goes to university?

I’d wait another 2 years to get her through college where it’s familiar. I was moved for my final year of school and it was awful.

Are you desperate to have a family with him?

I'd wait two more years.

Honestly?

If you're that committed, I think it should be possible for you to wait two years until your dd has finished school and possibly gone to university. It really isn't an easy age for her to move away from established friendships and make new ones. My eldest is choosing to go to another school for sixth form, but there's a huge difference between choosing and being forced.

This close to both your children living their own lives, I would wait.

I'd wait 2 years until the youngest is 18.

You should wait another couple of years until they have both set up their own lives.

It’s not that long in the grand scheme of things.

You can't move a 16yo away from friends and family just for a man! If it was a case of him moving in with you and she was refusing that would be different, but to give up your entire life at 16 for your mums partner who you don't even like would be awful. I would only do that to my kids in an absolute emergency, eg their lives were in danger or we would be left homeless. Either he needs to move to you or you wait 2 years until she is old enough to have the option to move out.

If your family live near you, would she be able to stay with a relative and visit you in holidays etc. I had to stay with grandparents for a while during my second college year while my parents moved. I was more than happy though, and my grandparent and our family were really close.

@SleepingStandingUp

Are you desperate to have a family with him?

Baby I mean

I think 16 is such a tender age, your DD already has so much going on with hormones etc I think that now would be a terrible time to uproot her from her friends. Teenage years is a time where they really need and crave stability. I agree with PP about waiting until she is settled at university!

Of course you don't move 150 miles away for a man when you've got a bloody 16 year old.

Friends and family matter. Her education matters.

@saraclara

What reasons have they given for not liking him?

They say they like him, but they're quite unfriendly IMHO. Teenage girls can be pretty hostile

God no. We're in our 50s.

@Hwory

Of course you don't move 150 miles away for a man when you've got a bloody 16 year old.

Friends and family matter. Her education matters.

I wasn't intending on pulling her out of school. We live in the boondocks. When you're 17 a city promises much more freedom.

Is there any way in which moving would be in your DD's interest?

You need to listen to your children.

I’d wait too, and I say this as a single mum to a 17 yr old.
His feelings over a partner trump mine - I’d listen to your girls, if you and them have a good relationship I’d be shocked that they’re not more supportive and don’t want to see you happy - therefore - why aren’t they more supportive unless there’s something your blind to?

@Carrottop73

You should wait another couple of years until they have both set up their own lives.

It’s not that long in the grand scheme of things.

Agree with this.

I really wouldn't uproot a 16 year old. Although I don't know what I would do!