Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

I can’t afford to top it up to the £300 but I could afford £50 per month, on top of the £7 a week DP will be paying out of his JSA. I’m undecided as to whether we pay that £50 to DPs ex or keep it and spend it on things DSD May want or need.

Has he no savings? Could he get a temp job?

No obligation on you to contribute but he must realise his daughter costs more than £7 per week. I would have no respect for a parent that didn't contribute to their children. That would impact the relationship.

The recruitment market is dire at the moment. The Covid lockdown means that these are not normal job hunting circumstances. As I said in my original OP, we have already spoken to recruiters about this.

You aren't obligated to top it up. What is the relationship like with the mum? If everything is amicable your husband should talk to her. Both households may be able to freeze some bills for a few months to help you all get through it.

If she is reasonable and likely to be honest about her situation I'd be more inclined to help. If that £50 was the difference between being able to fill up the car or put food on the table that's one thing. Do you know if she will really suffer without it?

She will also probably hit the roof when she finds out that the maintenance will be dropping. The relationship is transactional at best and at worst she can be difficult. She has done things like waiting for DP to arrive to collect his daughter before saying that DSD is ill and will be staying at home, rather than messaging him and saving him the drive.

The maintenance and childcare arrangements are informal, rather than court ordered but the £7 a week is from the CMS website. She also has another child (not DPs) and we know that she doesn’t get any maintenance from the father of her other child.

That £50 per month is now allocated to DSD in my mind, it’s whether we keep it and spend it directly on DSD, or give it to her mum and hope it is spent on DSD, rather than be swallowed up by the general household budget.

The recruitment market is dire at the moment

I work in recruitment. "Career" jobs are slow but the temp market is pretty buoyant: agri, food production, retail, admin, logistics...

I doubt her finances are great, although she did get a housing association house 6 months ago, so reduced her rent. She works part time in retail so won’t have a high income but I’m guessing will be topped up by benefits.

swallowed up by the general household budget

that feeds, heats, and shelters your partner's daughter.

That’s a huge drop. Does your partner have no savings he can use?

And of course the child support gets swallowed into that household budget, the mum needs yo house, feed and clothe her child.

@ollybjolly

Or is spent on her other child, goes in to her credit card debt repayments.

Both children now have a dad who doesn’t work. Both children also have a mum each who can provide for them respectively. So all is equal. Why should you fund two households while his ex only has to fund one?
If they were still together his ex and his eldest child would have to feel the pinch. Why should you have to cushion that blow when you and your child are affected? They don’t matter any more than you and your child do.

swallowed up by the general household budget

that feeds, heats, and shelters your partner's daughter.

We’re talking about whether money from my salary should go to DPs ex. So you are saying that I should contribute to DPs ex household budget?

@funinthesun19

Thank you for pointing that out. We are also losing about 40% of our household income.

We’re talking about whether money from my salary should go to DPs ex. So you are saying that I should contribute to DPs ex household budget?

No way should it. You’re all in the same boat here. He’s lost his job so everyone is affected, and both you and his ex will have to scramble around to keep your households afloat on your own while he finds a new job. Why does she matter more than you? Your money is your money and your priority is your household.

^ what funinthesun19 said

I think he needs to warn his ex and he could offer to has DSD more to cover childcare if it happens.

Obviously if you have DSD more then you may not be able to afford the extra £50 per month.

The reason I say to warn her as it gives her time to plan and also to kick off and calm down... if she stops contact then DH can spend his unemployed time going through the court process and self repping to get contact sorted.

It might be a good idea to do it through the CMS. They can work out the minimum he should pay from his annual income.

It will add up any arrears he owes which he can pay when he's back at work.

It is nice that you want to top it up but if it was me I would not want to take money from anyone but the child's father as the child is his responsibility.

Could he offer to have DSD more to ease the financial burden on his ex-wife?

If she's going to be unreasonable anyway is your £50 going to make her less so? I'd be tempted to use it for things she needs unless you find it would genuinely keep the mum's head above water.

I'm pretty sure every one of us is either going through financial hardship or bracing themselves for just in case right now. It can't be coming as a complete surprise to the ex.

At the moment, my job is looking fairly secure (technology sector), DPs prospects aren’t looking great (hospitality sector). The £50 per week from me was to soften the blow to DPs ex (an attempt to stop her kicking off so much at DP) and also to protect DSD as much as we can afford to (given our household income is also dropping by 40%).

DPs ex works Wed/Thurs/Sat, at the moment we are looking after DSD from Tues night to Thurs (drop her off after dinner) and Fri night to Sat evening (again, drop her off after dinner). So 3 days and 3 nights per week - not far off 50/50.

DP will be having the conversation with his ex on Tuesday evening, when he picks up DSD. We’re just wondering whether to say child support will be dropping to £7 per week, or to say £78 per week (including the £50 from my salary.

Can he not get a temp job stacking shelves for a bit?
Imagine if the ex dropped DD at your door and said right you look after her, I'll bung you £7 a week.

I would say £7 per week and we will try and give you extra if we can afford it.

The ex needs to be aware that £7 is all that she is legally entitled to but because you are decent you will try and shave your budget to give more.

Could you give ex £25 and then spend the other £25 on things directly for DD but actually ask "what practical things does DD need?"

£78 per week (including the £50 from my salary.

Sorry, that should say £78 per month.

Imagine if the ex dropped DD at your door and said right you look after her, I'll bung you £7 a week.

As DP has just pointed out, if we take DSD for another day and night per week, DPs ex will be obliged to pay us maintenance .

He still has at least another months maintenance to be paid, then £7 a week. But he needs to help out in whatever other ways he can. Having the DSE extra so mum can do OT for example, if that's an option.

It's coming up to the time she'll need to buy school uniform and £7 a week won't stretch far for that. If you feel you can help with that, I'm sure it would be appreciated.