Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

I guess a lot of this is moot until you speak to her tomorrow. She might prefer you to have dsd more, or are might prefer to source her own childcare and for him to get a job even if the pay is lower (I'm guessing it'll be more than £7 a week)

Yes, we will see what she says and take her views into consideration. I think she’ll find it difficult to source other childcare though.

The £50 extra will still be spent on DSD - we will just use it to buy DSD things directly

So her DM has to find the money for food, utilities, rent and you get to play fairy godmother by buying her "things".

Some posters have offered sensible suggestions, others have just been on an anti step mother rantsay things I don't agree with. Possibly because they are correct

Fixed that for you

So her DM has to find the money for food, utilities, rent and you get to play fairy godmother by buying her "things

You know op pays for all those things too for dsd right??

If you are moving to a 50:50 and only paying £7 per week then DH will have to pay for 50% of schools uniform, clothes, shoes, activities and so on - that will easily cost £50 per month tbh.

@OllyBJolly

I will be paying for DSDs expenses while she is with us - 3 days and 3 nights per week, possibly going up to more than 3. It is only fair that her mother also pays a share of her own child’s expenses.

I think you need to read the whole thread. A lot of people don’t agree that I should I should contribute to DPs ex budget. Just because you think I should, doesn’t mean that is correct.

@RandomMess

She already has a school uniform (that we pay for) at our house. I know that we will need to buy a new one in August. Along withother clothes and and games. This is so that she doesn’t have to take a big bag between houses.

Is that already accounted for? Including shoes (why are they so expensive?) and the other stuff her Mum has historically paid for?

Op, don’t pass that money over. Keep it to help your costs for DSD at your home. 50:50 care (which you’re almost doing anyway) is a great solution. It doesn’t have to be forever.

@RandomMess

Yes, it’s in our budget (1 school uniform and 1 set of school shoes - DP has always paid for the school shoes because he wants her to wear Clarks school shoes).

We also buy her clothes and games to keep here (although some go backwards and forwards obviously!). We bought her some more summer clothes in April, including a new pair of trainers (not the £200 Gucci ones that she had her eye on ) and buy her bits and bobs as she needs them.

She does swimming and art. We pay for swimming lessons as they are on a Saturday (not that they are happening at the moment or for the foreseeable future) as DSDs mum said it wasn’t a priority to pay for DSD to learn to swim but she was happy for DSD to go, if we paid. DSD enjoys swimming and we do things like sailing and kayaking so we think it is important for her to be able to swim and feel happy in the water, so she can join us when she’s older. Art class is at school, so also not happening at the moment but DP we have paid for this and will pay for it again in September, if after school clubs are going ahead in September.

Not a penny from your wages, OP.

Ex will have to put up with it, You've been having DSD more for months and no reduction in maintenance. She'll have to suck it up until DH gets another job.

Save your money for your child but buy things DSD is in need of directly and give them to her.

So her DM has to find the money for food, utilities, rent and you get to play fairy godmother by buying her "things".

Oh yes! Just like the op has to provide the same for her child.

Anything the op pays for for DSD is optional. As for “playing fairy godmother”, get a grip. I hope the mum doesn’t have that attitude because to be honest she should be grateful the op is putting her hand in her pocket to provide things for dsd when she doesn’t have to and when she’s equally struggling. Grateful in the same way as if it was say, a grandparent providing things. But of course because it’s a stepmum willing to make a gesture, its obviously not enough and it’s a bad thing.

The mum will just have to suck it up like the op is having to.

OP I agree with others that you shouldn't top it up. You are already supporting DSD when she is part of your HH. Also agree with a PP that you are in the same position as DSD DMs. I don't get the shitty attitude you are getting here.

Interesting how you have answered diligently almost all questions except the two posters asking about savings. If your OH was paying £300, he must be on avoid income. If yu earn 20% more than he does, it's hard to believe you have no savings at all.

It sounds like he has no intention to find low income jobs (and yes, there are some around, my DS back from Uni has applied to supermarket jobs and has two interviews coming up) and the situation suits you from a childcare perspective and I suspect intend to live off the savings for some time.

Indeed legally, you don't have to contribute anything and he doesn't have to part of any of his savings. Is it fair....well if a rp loses their job, and their partner earns a good income, they'd be expected to support them as the rp wouldn't be entitled to claim benefits. All this because 5he child sleeps with the rp one more night than at the nrp.

So yes, there is an unbalance and yes, savings should be considered in these situations.

I have savings, DP doesn’t. He ran his own business before getting this job and his tax accountant had miscalculated the tax owed. HMRC got in touch and he had to use his savings to pay off the tax he owed.

well if a rp loses their job, and their partner earns a good income, they'd be expected to support them as the rp wouldn't be entitled to claim benefits.

DP is a resident parent who has lost his job. He is resident parent to DD. He is entitled to £75 per week contributions based JSA, for up to 6 months. He can’t claim any more, as he lives with me, so I am expected to support him.

No op shouldn't use any savings to pay dsds mum ffs.

Op has lost more here. What are people not getting about that!

Is it fair....well if a rp loses their job, and their partner earns a good income, they'd be expected to support them as the rp wouldn't be entitled to claim benefits.

Why do people always compare the partner of the rp with the partner of the nrp?
The partner of the rp would be expected to keep their ONE and ONLY household going while the rp is out of work. Why should the nrp’s partner be expected to keep TWO households going (their own and the ex’s)?

The rp makes that choice to move a partner in, knowing that they will lose benefits. The nrp has no child related benefits to lose, so the nrp’s partner has no child related costs paid for by benefits to make up for like an rp’s partner would. Is it really also the nrp’s partner’s problem to make up this money too? It feels like the attitude is the rp is owed everything by everyone.

DP is a resident parent who has lost his job. He is resident parent to DD. He is entitled to £75 per week contributions based JSA, for up to 6 months. He can’t claim any more, as he lives with me, so I am expected to support him.

Even if he didn’t live with you, that’s all he’d be getting anyway. He’d get some money towards rent of course if he was on his own, but on top of that it would be £75 per week for a single person. He’d get no more than that amount if he was on his own.

The rp makes that choice to move a partner in, knowing that they will lose benefits
You are assuming the rp claimed benefits before meeting. Maybe the rp is also the higher earner.

And no, it's not paying two households, it's contributing to bills their partner have to pay.

I say that but I personally believe neither should legally have to pay for children who are not theirs.

So savings are separate, very convenient. Sounds like he should be suing his accountant if he gave him such poor advice.

OP firstly it's nice of you to even consider helping to contribute towards CMS money.
My DP unfortunately was affected and I topped up his payments so £234 of my wages for 3 months to his ex purely because we couldn't have them at ours so we realised that having them off school at theirs mums for months would be expensive so stopping her money would be really hard on them especially when we couldn't pick up childcare.

The EX was appreciative and in fairness when she knew it was 80% my money she offered to return it.

However I didn't have to do it and it wouldn't of been expected!

I think the fact that you are given the mum clear options of what you can provide which are bloody decent options in my opinion is great and you should not have to take any grief!

Your DSD mum will be claiming benefits that top up her income. When I was on my own with 2 children and worked 18hrs a week I got roughly £1800 a month plus maintenance from the children’s Dad. I had a mortgage so had no help with that. So your DSD Mum will financially being supported by the state including her housing benefit. Any child maintenance I got went towards holidays and extras for us but I didn’t have any debt. I think you should keep the extra and use it on your step daughter for things she needs - her Mum can them deal with her debt/credit cards separately. I might sound cruel but i feel the state gives a healthy income to single Mums and I can say that i was a lot better off financially with 2 children on my own with a part time job than me and my dp are now.

From what I have read, your DP pays for clubs and a share of school uniform. Pays for utilities and feeding etc when your step daughter is with you. Just like her mum does, except without the paying for clubs and mum gets maintenance....obviously up to now she has been with you less time so some maintenance does make sense. I don't believe it has anything to do with you to be topping up the money going to her mum. Dad pays for everything when she is with him and ensures she has what she needs and wants and will be paying what he can in maintenance still. I do think some of the replies have came across very harsh.

You are assuming the rp claimed benefits before meeting. Maybe the rp is also the higher earner.

No I was saying in all circumstances. They make that choice to move a partner in knowing they will lose benefits now if they’re claiming them and/or lose their future entitlements if their circumstances change in the future. Surely it’s a conversation they would have with a serious partner anyway.

And no, it's not paying two households, it's contributing to bills their partner have to pay.

Yeah that’s fine if it’s things like the mortgage or the phone bill. Those are costs that keep the op’s household going so of course she will be happy to pay them. But I’m assuming by bills you also mean maintenance? Hence my comment about supporting two households. That’s not a bill which would continue to benefit the op’s household if she paid towards it, so why would she pay it? It could go on other things to stop her household struggling even more. Sorry if that sounds selfish but both households are in the same boat and the op has to put the needs of her own household first.

I wonder why you're studiously avoiding the suggestion that he gets a job so can pay maintenance. You seem to be gleeful that the ex will be getting only £7.
Your other posts come across as smug that you're so clever to have this job, and fuck everyone else.
You don't have a responsibility to your DSD, however as part of a family, in these weird times where everyone is struggling, it would be humane and kind to try to see beyond the end of your selfish nose

Gleeful? Selfish? She's offering to pay out of her own pocket so DSD doesn't lose out, what the hell are you reading? Some people will just find ways to read any step parent as "gleeful and selfish".

You don't have to pay her anything OP, though it is kind of you to even consider it. I certainly wouldn't send her it without mentioning where it's coming from, if she's difficult generally you really shouldn't set the precedent that your wages should be taken into consideration. As others have said, you are in an equal position as both of you are working to provide for your child, and the father is out of work. I would either be looking at your DP getting a job a part time job of any kind as a priority, or him offering full time childcare for DSD as this is how he is currently able to contribute. I would suggest this with more overnights though, not sure if I have read correctly but it would be excessive to drive there and back every night if avoidable.

Why are people saying that mum has to pay for rent, food, heat? She’d have to pay for that if she was single with no DC.

It can be really hard to get even a low income job lately, especially if they (the company) see that you have been earning more in a job with more responsibilities. They assume that you have no intention of staying and will be off at the first sign of something in your sector or at your previous level.

As pp have said, many places are inundated and it’s not like you can ring them up on Monday and start on Tuesday, the recruitment process will still have to be followed. To work in care, you need a DBS check, they aren’t instant either. Also very hard to choose your hours, you can’t just say ‘Oh, I want to only do nights’, ‘I can’t do Tuesdays after 4’ or ‘I can do alternate weekends but no more than that’.