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Original poster

Redundancy and Child Maintenance

999 replies

TazSyd · 08/06/2020 12:23

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

OP posts:
1forsorrow · 08/06/2020 20:42

£7 isn't alot to keep a child for a week but that isn't the position is it. The ex isn't having the child fulltime, the ex will be getting child benefit, the ex is probably getting benefits, the ex isn't paying for childcare. £7 doesn't seem that bad given the circumstances.

Original poster
TazSyd · 08/06/2020 20:51

@Itsgottobethisone

Your DSD mum will be claiming benefits that top up her income. When I was on my own with 2 children and worked 18hrs a week I got roughly £1800 a month plus maintenance from the children’s Dad.

Thank you for mentioning this.

OP posts:
Original poster
TazSyd · 08/06/2020 21:29

Sounds like he should be suing his accountant if he gave him such poor advice.

We are looking into taking action but it’s not going to be resolved overnight, is it.

OP posts:
Feelthefear01 · 08/06/2020 21:57

Hang on. So at the moment your household includes one child. One DSD almost 50% of the time and one income (yours). Ex's household includes one other child, DSD just over 50% of the time and one income (ex's). And your offering to have her one more night? So doesn't that put you both households im the same situation? Therefore why should you contribute from your household to her household

Original poster
TazSyd · 08/06/2020 22:34

Hang on. So at the moment your household includes one child. One DSD almost 50% of the time and one income (yours). Ex's household includes one other child, DSD just over 50% of the time and one income (ex's). And your offering to have her one more night? So doesn't that put you both households im the same situation?

Yes, this is the situation.

OP posts:
Feelthefear01 · 08/06/2020 22:54

Then really no household should owe any money to the other.

NoHardSell · 09/06/2020 06:26

It is highly convenient that all his savings have disappeared in his business (but he is about to be made redundant from his job) and the only ones remaining are in your name

What a loser of a man. Can't run a business and pay his taxes. Can't save from a high income. Zero savings in fact. Happy to see his first family struggle on a drop of almost £300/month income and give them just £7 from his esa. Happy to see you support him and his second family rather than get a temporary low paid job. Sure you want to keep him? What's he been doing with his income the last three months when he knew his job was insecure?

Honestly? I agree with the other poster. He has savings. He plans on living off them for a while. Not paying the £300 will save a fair bit and pushes part of the losses onto the ex, but hey, she's on benefits anyway right so she can suck it up. That's the point of savings - to cushion the blow. Eventually they run out and things change. Perhaps paying half for a few months while things readjust would be necessary. But going straight for the £7. Dick move.

Woodmarsh · 09/06/2020 07:01

@nohardsell the OP has stated that he doesn't have savings. The ex os currently getting £300 for having the child 1 more night a week. It does not cost that to have a child 4 nights a month so the ex has done well up until now.

OPs OH has offered to have the child more, at which point it would be 50:50 and no payment needed anyway, there are many that would argue that this is how all childcare should be

Feelthefear01 · 09/06/2020 07:03

It's only the same as my household. I'm the higher earner and we have separate bank accounts. All the savings are in my name from my hard earned overtime and bonuses. Following my partners outcome he does not have any money left for savings. If he lost his job we would be in the same situation and MY savings would therefore me used to support my household. Why should OP get into debt and go without to support a different household when both households are in the same situation??? I'm sure OP wouldn't see the DSD going without

dontdisturbmenow · 09/06/2020 07:29

the OP has stated that he doesn't have savings
Yes, conveniently, when challenged after 5 pages. I would have thought that would have been mentioned in the first post. Sorry I don't believe it either.

I do agree that OP shouldn't be supporting her SD, but her dad should. They seem to have spent a lot more thought about him being a sahd a least for some time rather than actively looking for another job to support both his children.

I suspect it is a much planned move considered some time ago when it became a high possibility he would be made redundant.

Mum is not going to get more benefits because she won't get maintenance any longer. She will have to find away to suddenly have £250 or £300 less a month with no partner and likely savings to pick things up.

It's life, it happens, sometimes it can't be helped, but I hope OPs OH will be actively looking for a job, any job, rather than thinking that him being a sahd so no childcare needs paying and not having to pay maintenance, they can make it work for themselves.

NoHardSell · 09/06/2020 08:04

@Feelthefear01

It's only the same as my household. I'm the higher earner and we have separate bank accounts. All the savings are in my name from my hard earned overtime and bonuses. Following my partners outcome he does not have any money left for savings. If he lost his job we would be in the same situation and MY savings would therefore me used to support my household. Why should OP get into debt and go without to support a different household when both households are in the same situation??? I'm sure OP wouldn't see the DSD going without
So your partner earns enough to pay £300/month for a child he has almost 50:50 and with another child in his primary residence as well .. but doesn't manage to save any of that? Is he worth having around with that lax approach to finances?
Giespeace · 09/06/2020 08:08

I’d rather lose £300 per month than DHs entire wage from our household pot.

I’d also rather be able to rely on my child’s father for set days than be left high and dry with my own job while he goes off earning buttons doing odd shifts because some posters on MN said he was less of a man and a father if he didn’t. Chances are I’d still not be getting my full £300 anyway.

I’d not be offering the ex anything from my own wage until having a talk about having her those extra days and see how she takes it. If she’s got more than two brain cells, knowing her ex works in hospitality it can’t have escaped her that his job may well be at serious risk soon and she might have already been preparing herself for this news.

All the adults have to come to a decision how best to navigate the next few months and provide for their respective children - one of the adults doesn’t get to just “kick off” and make demands.

Bollss · 09/06/2020 08:14

@NoHardSell

It is highly convenient that all his savings have disappeared in his business (but he is about to be made redundant from his job) and the only ones remaining are in your name

What a loser of a man. Can't run a business and pay his taxes. Can't save from a high income. Zero savings in fact. Happy to see his first family struggle on a drop of almost £300/month income and give them just £7 from his esa. Happy to see you support him and his second family rather than get a temporary low paid job. Sure you want to keep him? What's he been doing with his income the last three months when he knew his job was insecure?

Honestly? I agree with the other poster. He has savings. He plans on living off them for a while. Not paying the £300 will save a fair bit and pushes part of the losses onto the ex, but hey, she's on benefits anyway right so she can suck it up. That's the point of savings - to cushion the blow. Eventually they run out and things change. Perhaps paying half for a few months while things readjust would be necessary. But going straight for the £7. Dick move.

They have lost almost half their household income. Give them a break.
NoHardSell · 09/06/2020 08:15

I agree about his partner not funding it, why should she? But what a loser of a partner she has. He hasn't even saved anything from his three months furlough while anticipating redundancy

If that's true

Bollss · 09/06/2020 08:16

Why should he pay half if he's having his daughter half the time? He shouldn't be paying anything full stop.

Bollss · 09/06/2020 08:18

He hasn't even saved anything from his three months furlough while anticipating redundancy

Nor have a lot of people ffs. We still have bills to pay and less money than usual unless that has escaped your notice.

NoHardSell · 09/06/2020 08:24

When it's genuinely 50:50 then it's no maintenance. In one version here it's almost 50:50 but he pays £300. In another version it's more 70:30. Unless it's absolutely 50:50, which is hard to work out unless you do full weeks or run a 2 week pattern, then maintenance is due. If they live a fair distance apart then 50:50 with school sounds hard work. But fair enough, if everyone agrees to go 50:50 and it's possible logistically then why not? Doing it just to save ££ for a few months with no notice isn't helpful for the mum though, is it? I suspect this is 50:50 while it suits them - save £, no school runs and childcare to pay - then straight back to 70:30 once he gets his new job and school restarts. Dick move. The £7 is also super dick move.

Bollss · 09/06/2020 08:26

Doing it just to save ££ for a few months with no notice isn't helpful for the mum though, is it? I suspect this is 50:50 while it suits them - save £, no school runs and childcare to pay - then straight back to 70:30 once he gets his new job and school restarts. Dick move. The £7 is also super dick move
So you don't think childcare might help her when there's no payable childcare available then?

Right.

I know who sounds more of a dick tbh.

NoHardSell · 09/06/2020 08:30

It might be. Doesn't seem like anyone's asked her, does it?

unicornsarereal72 · 09/06/2020 08:32

On the point of benefits. Tax credits were very generous. If it is universal credits the amount is not that generous at all.

You can only afford what you can afford.

My ex was out of work for a period. I understood his income was limited. He also has a private pension which was a good amount. What I would of done if the situation was mine. Would be to cover our outings with my income. So that frees up his income to support his children. You know like you do as a couple you support each other. My ex has not provided a penny in nearly 2 years now. As apparently the cash in hand work and the pension of over £1000 a month has to feed him.

We get by. But only because I have family who help out.

Bollss · 09/06/2020 08:32

Op has already said they're going to present her with different options Hmm

DogBowlSpaghetti · 09/06/2020 08:35

Both children also have a mum each who can provide for them respectively. So all is equal. Why should you fund two households while his ex only has to fund one?

This.

BlueWave · 09/06/2020 08:47

I would also be very wary of thinking he will get another job quickly. There are so many people out of work at the moment. It does depend on your area but we have (hard working!) friends who have been out of work since before Xmas and are really struggling to find anything

Giespeace · 09/06/2020 08:51

What I would of done if the situation was mine. Would be to cover our outings with my income. So that frees up his income to support his children. You know like you do as a couple you support each other.

Not excusing your ex of he’s been bringing in that sort of money and not providing for his children but...
... it’s up to both the children’s parents to support them, not partners who may or may not be around at the time. It’s also as much of a realistic leap to say the partner should just “cover our outgoings” by herself as it is for the dick ex in question to assume that you can just suddenly cover all the children’s expenses alone.
Money behaves roughly the same way for everyone. You either have it or can access it, or you don’t and can’t.

NoHardSell · 09/06/2020 09:49

I've been saving like mad since lockdown (as have this couple apparently as "our discretionary spending is almost 0, due to lockdown"). Redundancy probably looming. I need to be able to keep my own contributions to the children's maintenance account (we both pay to an account, proportionate to wages, I pay about 45 to his 55 %). It literally would not occur to me to cut their payments until I absolutely had to. That's the entire point of my savings. I'd talk it over with ex, he could perhaps pay more and I pay him back later, and for sure some cuts would have to happen eventually to the extras eg sports clubs, but would it occur to me to go straight to £7 from £300? I'd consider myself a useless example of a parent frankly if I wasn't able to cover £300 for a couple of months, on the back of a decent salary. And this parent is obviously on a fairly decent salary. £300 a month on 70:30 with another child as well is not minimum wage level.