Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

Genuinely pathetic if he has zero savings but two children. Very irresponsible

What like literally millions of other people? Jesus Christ.

Does DSD live local? Would it save on travel costs if she stayed Tues - Sat some weeks or would DSD not cope without seeing her Mum?

It’s about a 45 minute round trip. That’s a good idea though. We’ve taken DSD on holiday for a full week several times and she has been fine.

@TrustTheGeneGenie

Genuinely pathetic if he has zero savings but two children. Very irresponsible

What like literally millions of other people? Jesus Christ.

Yes it is pathetic if you're on a reasonable salary and have put literally nothing aside in savings so you don't have to offer £7 a week to raise your child. Say he was going to keep up £300/month for a year, that's still only £3600 in savings. His monthly take home is reasonable it sounds. So that's, what, about a month's salary maybe two in savings. Hardly a massive ask.

@Puddlejuice

Can you actually read?

I think you are a disgrace, find some money or provide 50 / 50 care.

DP is already providing 3 days and 3 nights per week childcare and we are going to offer to increase this to 4 days and 4 nights per week. Do you know what 50% is?

Yes it is pathetic if you're on a reasonable salary and have put literally nothing aside in savings so you don't have to offer £7 a week to raise your child. Say he was going to keep up £300/month for a year, that's still only £3600 in savings. His monthly take home is reasonable it sounds. So that's, what, about a month's salary maybe two in savings. Hardly a massive ask

They night have massive bills to go alongside it. Many people don't have savings. Doesn't make them pathetic. What's pathetic is judging people on the internet when you know close to fuck all about their situation.

@Puddlejuice

DPs income will be £75 per week. Where do you think he will be finding extra money from, my salary? You appear to forget that we also have a 3 year old DD who also needs feeding. Or do you think that only DSD counts?

I have no financial responsibility to DPs ex, DSD or DSD’s half brother. The courts agree with me.

I wonder why you're studiously avoiding the suggestion that he gets a job so can pay maintenance. You seem to be gleeful that the ex will be getting only £7.
Your other posts come across as smug that you're so clever to have this job, and fuck everyone else.
You don't have a responsibility to your DSD, however as part of a family, in these weird times where everyone is struggling, it would be humane and kind to try to see beyond the end of your selfish nose

@Puddlejuice

I wonder why you're studiously avoiding the suggestion that he gets a job so can pay maintenance. You seem to be gleeful that the ex will be getting only £7. Your other posts come across as smug that you're so clever to have this job, and fuck everyone else. You don't have a responsibility to your DSD, however as part of a family, in these weird times where everyone is struggling, it would be humane and kind to try to see beyond the end of your selfish nose

I think op knows people are struggling when her household has lost nearly half it's income ffs (proportionately much more than dsds mum has lost!)

Op isn't responsible for maintenance. If he's doing half dsds care he doesn't need to pay anything anyway.

And who the fuck is funding dsd when she is at her dad's? OH YEAH THATS OP.

Some people.

@OllyBJolly

Ah - okay. So if this is hindering him from finding work, and paying for his child, then it is only fair that the "household" make up some of the difference.

So you think I should work full time and give part of my salary to DPs ex, so that she can continue to work 20 hours a week, even though she has an offer of free childcare? You have a pretty warped sense of fairness.

Thanks @TrustTheGeneGenie. Yes losing 40% of our household income is a financial blow but we can manage because our discretionary spending is almost 0, due to lockdown. Having done the maths over the weekend, I worked out that I would have £50 per month spare, after all of our essential household bills had been paid. I’m amazed that some posters think that I should use my salary to fund someone else’s household, rather than fund my own. My responsibility is to fund DD, myself and DP due to his redundancy.

@tazsyd op you are getting a really hard time from a lot of people. Having no savings is absolutely not pathetic, many many people have zero savings, alongside considerable debt!

It's a bad situation that you couldn't have foreseen and as others have suggested, your household is also financially missing out. It's not your responsibility to fund his ex wife or your step daughter, it's nice of you to have even thought about it.

The way I see it is this. If a man had 3 children by three mothers, if he were to lose his job, then why would it be the responsibility of the current partner to fund the households of the other 2 when they too have a fully capable mother, just as yourself.

If your dh is offering to provide extra childcare for dsd (sounds like he is ) then that's fine. It's not ideal and of course he'll be looking for another job as I imagine that your household likely can't survive long term with him not in work.

This is likely temporary and everyone needs to remember it.

Please don't feel disheartened by a lot of people on here and their comments.

You don't have a responsibility to your DSD, however as part of a family, in these weird times where everyone is struggling, it would be humane and kind to try to see beyond the end of your selfish nose

You can’t get blood out of a stone @Puddlejuice. We are also losing 40% of our income. I can afford to house, feed and clothe DD, DP and myself. That’s it. We don’t have any more money to give away. Or do you think I should let DD starve so I can give my salary to DPs ex?

£7 a week is nothing to raise a child on. If you go along the 50/50 route it will cost you more than £7 a week. As you are a family I think resources should be pooled so if you can afford to pay more than £7 a week, morally I think you should do. The only victim here is the child. I wouldnt find a partner who avoided responsibility for his child attractive. The job market may be challenging but he needs to.put everything he can into finding a job, and if he thinks his job is at risk and he wont get redundancy he needs to start looking now .

@Runnerduck34

He’s been looking for a new job for months, as he suspected that he would be made redundant. The hospitality sector has been hit very hard by the Covid lockdown.

She works part time in retail so won’t have a high income but I’m guessing will be topped up by benefits

Unfortunately her benefits wont' increase because maintenance stops.

If I were in her shoes, I think making a token gesture over and above the £7 would be welcomed but you need to make that at a sustainable level for your own household. So if you topped it up to £20 a week and could afford that, that would be amazing and I would appreciate it.

Alternatively, rather than looking to make the 'but we have her 50/50 so maintenance isn't due' argument stick (because these are unprecedented times and nothing is normal or fair or reasonable), I would welcome a discussion about how we move forwards in a fair way with suggestions such as £7 a week is paid but we buy school uniform, pay for haircuts, buy every second pair of shoes required and continue to support me so I could drop childcare (although with the caveat that if you can't continue 50/50 once he is working again, you need to work out how childcare isn't ditched so she can't get it back again - and there may be a cost to that). It would ease my burden and would mean that any contribution you make from your money is clearly going on the child.

OP, why can't he get a job stacking shelves, delivery driving or suchlike?
I'm really not the type to quarrel with anyone on MN but you are infuriating in your refusal to answer, whilst maintaining that you are doing all you can. Unless he's explored all angles of bringing in an income then he is shirking his responsibility.

If you go along the 50/50 route it will cost you more than £7 a week

I suspect op knows that considering they have dsd nearly half the week anyway.

It's only one extra night isn't it?

You say:

• he will have £75 per week income
• he currently pays £300/month maintenance
• you can afford to feed you, your DP, and your child together on your salary

Therefore your DP doesn't have to reduce his maintenance, does he? Not if you can and will support him (as you seem to suggest) through his period of not earning.

So he only supports one child but not the other? That seems fair.

Or he could support both by having his daughter 50% of the time and also continue to contribute towards the household.

@Puddlejuice and who would be looking after the 3 year old DD or DSD while OP's DP was working?

If OP is already working full time and DSD's Mum is working three days a week, what will they do with the children while they are all working out of the house? Most childcare is not available at the moment.

The only jobs the DP is likely to find at the moment will be out of the house, so he will no longer be furloughed/able to provide childcare...

It might be that an extra day might be better than a night so five full days? Means the ex can increase to full time hours to make up the shortfall she is invariably being left with.

@FatalSecrets

It might be that an extra day might be better than a night so five full days? Means the ex can increase to full time hours to make up the shortfall she is invariably being left with.

Your realise that maintenance is for the child? Who won't be there and therefore won't need paying for half the time? .

It's like you think it's a massive injustice?

Your household has already taken a hit (40%). I don't think you should be using your wage to subsidise another household! Your priority is you, DD and DP... your DP is already having DSD about 50% of the time, this is enabling you to work full time which is keeping your house afloat. Things can change, what happens if something changes in your job and his ex expects the extra £50 to continue? Leave it at £7pw and assess once he's able to find a job and go back to his payments... and no I'm not a step parent or bitter before people start 🤣

@fatalsecrets

We’ll see what works best for DSDs mum. we don’t know what her reaction will be to the maintenance drop yet. I think we need to tell her, let her kick off, give her time to calm down. Realistically, while on furlough and then potentially unemployed, DP can offer to provide full time childcare for DSD, if that works for DSDs mum.