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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Redundancy and Child Maintenance

999 replies

TazSyd · 08/06/2020 12:23

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

OP posts:

HogDogKetchup · 19/06/2020 20:55

Are you aware that many many women who have divorced or separated etc with children have been left for another woman, victim to domestic abuse or addiction etc.

What sort of figures are you talking about? 50% of marriages end in divorce. Are you really suggesting this problem is prevalent in the majority of those?

Bollss · 19/06/2020 20:57

@NoHardSell

So he spends all his money then needs to start cutting into his new partners as well to fund his lifestyle? Oh dear. It's a good job she must earn a reasonable wage to run an ex wife, a step daughter, a cock lodger and her own child. And still save. I'd be wondering if the load might not be lightened a bit there by cutting loose the man, and the ex, and the sd, poor thing with two feckless parents. Apparently.

Why are you just making shit up?

funinthesun19 · 19/06/2020 20:58

And no one wants women's handout they want the father of their child to pay their part. Where that part comes from is here nor there

God do you not realise how utterly shameful that sounds? I mean have a bit more self respect than lowering yourself to ask your ex’s partner for hand outs ffs.

Bollss · 19/06/2020 20:59

I guess none of you have ever been made redundant then? Because you're all talking about it like it's his fault?

He clearly COULD afford to have his children.

scotsllb · 19/06/2020 21:01

42% of marriages end in divorce and not all when the kids are still young.
Enough of these marriages end with kids for these reasons.
Do you think women want to plunge themselves into financial hardship with the majority of caring responsibilities for fun ?

scotsllb · 19/06/2020 21:12

Shameful? Are you having a laugh? It's his fucking bill to be paid as an absolute priority.

The ex isnt asking the new bloody partner for money !

She's expecting her kids dad to find the money is to pay for his child as it's HIS responsibility.

Shinebright72 · 19/06/2020 21:13

@TrustTheGeneGenie I agree!!

Juliet2014 · 19/06/2020 21:14

Almost there...

Bollss · 19/06/2020 21:14

She's expecting her kids dad to find the money

And how is he supposed to do that? Magic money tree? Pull it out his arse?

funinthesun19 · 19/06/2020 21:16

She's expecting her kids dad to find the money is to pay for his child as it's HIS responsibility

He’ll have to either use his £75 jobseekers then or find a magic money tree.

funinthesun19 · 19/06/2020 21:16

TrustTheGeneGenie

Great minds

funinthesun19 · 19/06/2020 21:18

Shameful? Are you having a laugh? It's his fucking bill to be paid as an absolute priority.

Shameful to expect another woman to give you money for your kids and dress it up as maintenance (General you, not you personally)

HogDogKetchup · 19/06/2020 21:20

Do you think women want to plunge themselves into financial hardship with the majority of caring responsibilities for fun ?

I think there are many more complicated reasons for divorce and if the man has some means to support his family that doesn’t change on divorce. The ex will still get spousal and maintenance. The situation OP in is not unique to divorced couples...

scotsllb · 19/06/2020 21:29

But the op is happy to subsidise all his other bills bar that one as she can't bear the loser ex getting

The DP couldn't equally contribute to his own household before hand.

Anyway such a weird set up from someone who places such high value on high achieving.

I wonder if she is only with her DP so she can maintain her air of superiority instead of finding a man to settle down with who had the same values and not an embarrassing leaching ex

funinthesun19 · 19/06/2020 21:32

But the op is happy to subsidise all his other bills bar that one as she can't bear the loser ex getting

Pretty much yes. Because there are boundaries and principles.

Bollss · 19/06/2020 21:32

But the op is happy to subsidise all his other bills bar that one as she can't bear the loser ex getting

Well yes bcause they probably all relate to her home and her daughter. Maintenance is not her bill.

The DP couldn't equally contribute to his own household before hand

What's wrong with that? Do you slate women who don't contribute as much financially? No? Why's that?

I wonder if she is only with her DP so she can maintain her air of superiority instead of finding a man to settle down with who had the same values and not an embarrassing leaching ex

Or perhaps, and I know it's hard to imagine, she just loves him? And doesn't only place importance on the contents of his bank account?

scotsllb · 19/06/2020 21:42

It's the op who places importance not me.
No I don't slate that at all but the OP very clearly does laughing at women who claim benefits of any kind while working.
Laughing at people who haven't got financial security perfected prior to having a kid.
Well her DP didn't did he?
Why is ok for him to lay down and make a baby but not the ex?

He obviously knew the ex was already a single mum.

Or else surely the ex wouldn't be in a housing association and would have a joint share in a house instead for their child to live in and set his daughter up.
This is normal life is all irrelevant and stuff everyone accepts but do you honestly not see a problem with the OPs poisonous views towards other women?

Bollss · 19/06/2020 21:44

I don't necessarily agree with op I think benefits certainly have their place, but I actually find the poisonous views about men only being good for money much more troubling.

scotsllb · 19/06/2020 21:59

I don't have any poisonous views towards men at all except ones who don't make sure their children are supported correctly.
This doesn't relate to the ops individual case but the underlying tones in her messages are horrible.
A nasty, black and white view on society that is just not realistic.
The population would have died out May moons ago if only those who could have savings and afford their kids without a penny from the state applied
Oh and the ex was one of those key workers risking the virus etc you know who the government now considered an essential worker in these times since she works part time in retail. The shame of her.
How dare she not strive to be all things at once and do it all on her own and then be called difficult and money grabbing

Bollss · 19/06/2020 22:01

I never said YOU did. This thread has proved that father's are only deemed good enough if they can pay. Their time means nothing, it is apparently irrelevant.

Whether you agree with the op or not, you can't deny that people's opinions of a man who is penniless are very different than those of women who are.

scotsllb · 19/06/2020 22:09

Yeah I know you didn't.
I wonder if it is just a bit of what I was saying earlier about opportunities being a bit more ready for nrp due to time etc and the rest than a single parent who has less opportunity

Bollss · 19/06/2020 22:11

That is no excuse for only judging a father on the contents of his wallet. The way people have spoken about a man who has been made redundant is vile. If this was a woman posters would have been sympathetic.

From mother's time is everything. Childcare is a ft job. They're self sacrificing and amazing.

From father's time means fuck all and the kids need the cash. They're lazy, feckless, stupid for not having savings etc.

Original poster

TazSyd · 20/06/2020 07:21

Your DP shouldn't have gone on to have more children with a woman who was unhappy helping meet his regular maintenance payments as a priority when shit hits the fan.

Tough. I am responsible for my DD only. DSDs mother should take responsibility for her own children.

OP posts:

NoHardSell · 20/06/2020 07:28

No, your dp and his ex are jointly responsible for their child

Or does it work that men have no responsibility for anything in your world?

I guess that explains the original post wondering if you should be supporting all his children. It's not a good look for you, having a useless man child who expects you to take financial responsibility for his life.

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