Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

Your realise that maintenance is for the child? Who won't be there and therefore won't need paying for half the time?

Yes of course I do, don't be foolish. My point is that if the maintenance is falling, offering assistance with childcare during the day to allow ex to increase her hours to cover the shortfall would be reasonable in the circumstances.

You do realise maintenance isn't calculated on daytime? Otherwise surely we'd be saying children at school don't require any maintenance as they're not there.

Taz

That sounds really reasonable then.

Just remember if she kicks off it might be through sheer panic, I think you having a plan of what you can offer will be very much appreciated by her.

My point is that if the maintenance is falling, offering assistance with childcare during the day to allow ex to increase her hours to cover the shortfall would be reasonable in the circumstances.
It would and Ive already said the same.

You do realise maintenance isn't calculated on daytime? Otherwise surely we'd be saying children at school don't require any maintenance as they're not there

I know. It's calculated per night, which is silly because in theory you could have your child 8 while 8 7 days a week and still pay the other parent maintenance.

Thanks @firstpregnancy1 and @EmotionalFlood

Some posters don’t seem to be grasping that we can’t afford to pay what we don’t have and are not legally obliged to pay.

We only found out about the redundancy last week, so we haven’t had time to do much yet. DP has just messaged me to say he’s spoken to a recruiter about temp roles in supermarkets. The hours are irregular and can’t be guaranteed, plus they are inundated with applications. He wanted to know if I would be happy to look after DD if he was out working, given that I am working from home Mon - Fri. I am happy to do this (hoping my employer will be flexible and DD will be happy being stuck in front of the TV). The problem this throws up (as someone mentioned above), where will DSD go on a Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday?

So the options we can offer DSDs ex are:

Reduced maintenance but increased childcare

Or

Reduced maintenance (as a supermarket job won’t pay as much as DPs old job) and no guaranteed childcare. He can offer to have DSD when he isn’t working but it will have to be arranged on a week to week basis, once he knows his hours. So DPs ex will have to organise alternative childcare on a Wednesday/Thursday/Saturday.

And who the fuck is funding dsd when she is at her dad's? OH YEAH THATS OP.

Thanks for mentioning that @TrustTheGeneGenie. Some posters seem to have not grasped that either.

Due to the difference in incomes, I pay 60% of household bills and DP pays 40%. He pays child maintenance out of what’s left of his salary. So even pre Covid I was contributing to DSDs expenses when she was here, contrary to what some posters have said.

I think there are ways to muddle through this; he could do night shifts in a supermarket for a while for example to earn some cash?

You say he's doing all the childcare for your dd which is great as it enables YOU to work which means YOUR household can function; problem is, that's him taking time away from potentially earning to support the TWO children he has.

I don't normally think step parents should be obligated to contribute financially as they are separate from the situation (bit murky morally perhaps as you knowingly couple up with someone with children and they don't stop needing things just because you might then go on to have children together but I digress!) but in this specific situation your husbands earning potential is massively impacted by his providing full time childcare to your child so you can work so therefore his ability to provide for his other child is compromised - in this instance I see the money as family money and do think you should offer more from the joint pot tbh. It's a really difficult time I know but it's a huge jump for the mum to handle.

Offering to have step daughter more is lovely but could feel like a punishment to the mum who is suddenly losing out on a ton of money and who's only option is to then also lose out on time with her daughter so she can work to make up the missing money. It's all a bit sad and I feel for all of you so hope it gets sorted somehow xxx

Some posters seem to have not grasped that either

Of course we have. But DSD doesn’t magically become free to fund when she’s not with her dad. That’s the reality of split households, that the NRP has to fund their own lifestyle and that of the child they chose to have.

in this specific situation your husbands earning potential is massively impacted by his providing full time childcare to your child

Ops child? Or his own child?

so you can work so therefore his ability to provide for his other child is compromised -
Not really as he could do his "half" of providing by having his child in his care half the time

in this instance I see the money as family money and do think you should offer more from the joint pot tbh. It's a really difficult time I know but it's a huge jump for the mum to handle

Do you not think losing 40% of the household income is a huge jump for op to handle without then giving away more?

@FatalSecrets Yes...that's where the other parent comes in. The mother also needs to support the child.

@tellmesomethingreal

in this instance I see the money as family money and do think you should offer more from the joint pot tbh

We have lost 40% of our income. There isn’t any more money to give.

Read my above post and let me know which of the two options you think would work best.

Supermarkets are inundated with applications at the moment. The recruiter DP spoke to said he couldn’t pick and choose his hours, so he can’t insist on only night shifts.

Yes...that's where the other parent comes in. The mother also needs to support the child

I have never suggested otherwise

But it is perfectly reasonable for the mother to expect either maintenance or assistance with childcare in lieu thereof.

Does he drive? He could do deliveries?

@FatalSecrets

Of course we have. But DSD doesn’t magically become free to fund when she’s not with her dad. That’s the reality of split households, that the NRP has to fund their own lifestyle and that of the child they chose to have.

The reality is that DP and his ex have 50% responsibility each for DSD. I have none.

The reality is that DP and his ex have 50% responsibility each for DSD. I have none

Which is fine, but then DP needs to sort out how he is going to continue to be a decent parent. As you’ve said you’ll offer childcare which is great, but I can totally see why ex-wife won’t be impressed.

* I’m working from home but our new business has ground to a halt so not sure how secure my role is longer term. I think a lot of people are deluded and think this is one bug holiday, especially if they are young and healthy.*

Op given you posted this - doesn’t sound like you’re in best financial position.

If you offer on the understanding that dependent upon no change in your financial situation

but I can totally see why ex-wife won’t be impressed

She can be as unimpressed as she wants but if he's having his child half the time then he's doing everything he needs to.

Some posters don’t seem to be grasping that we can’t afford to pay what we don’t have and are not legally obliged to pay.

You started a thread about you giving extra. You. I don’t think you ever had any intention of doing so.

That was a typo. It should say all new business, rather than our new business. I work for a Tech company and we have since had assurances that there are enough big contracts in existence to keep us in jobs.

@Juliet2014

You seem to have had a really good look through my previous posting history 😂.

My initial point is still the same. I have £50 left over, after I have provided for DD, DP and myself. I am willing to spend that money on DSD.

I guess a lot of this is moot until you speak to her tomorrow. She might prefer you to have dsd more, or are might prefer to source her own childcare and for him to get a job even if the pay is lower (I'm guessing it'll be more than £7 a week)

I really hope it gets sorted x

I have read the entire thread and aside from your OP when you mention giving £50 a month, every single post you are outlining why it’s a bad idea or unfair.

You just wanted a pat on the back for a suggestion you never had any intention of actually following through

@FatalSecrets

Which is fine, but then DP needs to sort out how he is going to continue to be a decent parent. As you’ve said you’ll offer childcare which is great, but I can totally see why ex-wife won’t be impressed.

He hasn’t been made redundant deliberately you know. He doesn’t want to be on furlough or unemployed. The covid lockdown was unexpected and has hit him hard. He is a decent parent - on £75 a week, he can’t afford to pay any extra maintenance but he can afford to provide more than 50% of childcare, as well as a small amount of maintenance. DSDs mother is equally responsible for DSD.

@Juliet2014

Incorrect again. Having read the whole thread, you will also see that we are offering to have DSD more than 50% of the time, at a cost to me. I don’t have to agree to that, given that I am paying the household bills. The £50 extra will still be spent on DSD - we will just use it to buy DSD things directly.

You had no intention of “topping up”. Your words. From the first post after OP it’s clear!

@juliet2014

That £50 per month is my money, from my salary. I decide what to do with that money. I was asking for opinions, to help me with my decision. Some posters have offered sensible suggestions, others have just been on an anti step mother rant.