DP insisting SCs are coming the weekend we move house

[SpongebobNoPants]

Bit of background info:
SC’s mum and DP are pretty flexible about changing arrangements unless they have concrete plans like weddings or nights out planned.
DP and I are completing on our new house on Friday and are moving furniture etc ourselves using a van DP can borrow from work for the weekend however that means he can’t collect the van until after 5pm, meaning we won’t even be able to start moving any beds or fridge etc until after 6pm at the earliest.

I have arranged with my ExH for him to have the DCs so I can get the furniture in, house organised a bit and get the new beds / furniture for the house assembled.

I just spoke to DP assuming he’d had the same conversation with his Ex about swapping weekends or potentially us having the next couple of weekends in a row to make up lost time so we have the opportunity to get things sorted in the new house before any of the kids are here.

I just want to move all the furniture in, assemble beds, plumb dishwasher, have the fridge etc all sorted so it’s liveable.

DP has just said he hasn’t even spoken to his Ex and hasn’t asked for flexibility or a swap which means we’ll have the kids from 5pm on Friday.

I’m fucking livid. How on earth does he think firstly that we’ll manage to move all the furniture and sort beds etc whilst looking after the SCs and secondly how is it fair for them to come to us and potentially not even have beds there?!

He said “oh we’ll manage”?! Jesus Christ he hasn’t thought this through one bit and seems more concerned with “making sure they’re not left out” even though it’s not at all practical and they wouldn’t be “left out” as my DCs won’t be there either and we’ll happily have them extra to make up for the time lost.

His Ex I know would also not have an issue with this.

It’s going to be so much harder work, we won’t have the internet for the older SC to use and no fucking assembled bedroom furniture

So you are having his kids but not your own?

@Devlesko not now! Now we’re having Friday / Saturday on our own to get things done.

I can breathe a huge sigh of relief now

Glad he’s worked it out! First night in the new home altogether put him on dinner kitchen duty and say smugly you would have been doing all this that first night without a kitchen. More wine please.

I get it, we had the exact same thing. I think the point people are missing us that if the kids mum has no other concrete plans it would be much easier to switch and be able to move quickly and more effectively.

It's not that you don't want them but like it or not kids get in the way and if you've arranged your children to be with their dad I don't see why you can't ask the sane of the step kids mum?

Then the kids all get to see the new home finished and lovely with minimum stress?

We asked this last year when we moved and were told no.. we offered to have the kids when there mum moved a couple of years before us but she declined so our relationship is awkward also!

That’s an excellent plan - great for all the kids. Well done

However

Meanwhile you need to stop being a parent to your step children, they are at their dads so HE can parent them
I really don’t. What I mean is if he is physically busy drilling or whatever then obviously I’m going to be the one keeping SCs safe / getting drinks/ making sure they’re ok because I’m not going to just ignore them if DP is busy

So you ARE parenting them because he’s busy. He needs to deal with them, just as you would with your own children if they needed you and you were busy.

Mums manage to care for children AND be busy. He needs to learn to multi task.

That’s why he Originally was happy for them to come on the moving weekend. Because YOU would look after them while he did what he wanted to do.

You are setting yourself up for 15 years of being an unpaid nanny. Don’t do it. It doesn't matter how much you do for your SK, you will never be a parent to them, they already have two, they don’t need any more. You are just their dads GF.

They will resent it and so will their mother - you see it all the time here. Oh yes they will be happy for you to make meals or wash clothes. But when you start to enforce rules you will get “ you’re not my mum, you can’t make me, sure she can’t dad ? “.

You must MUST allow your partner to parent his own kids by you stepping back. I assume he only has them less than half time, so it’s not a big ask.

Otherwise you are making a very big rod for your own back.

My main problem with his original plan was that he factored in only how his kids would feel about it all and was not one bit arsed about how your kids would feel.

Great plan. Well done.

He’s being ridiculous. Does the SC’s mum know they will be there whilst you move house? If it was my kids I’d tell my ex I’d be keeping them home with me.

Oops should have RTFT!

Glad it's sorted now OP! Do you think there will still be an issue with your kids being sad the others were settled in first?

@timeisnotaline I like your thinking!

Also I would like to mention that contrary to my typo neither my or DP’s exes are otters 😂😂😂

Do you think there will still be an issue with your kids being sad the others were settled in first?
They won’t be there first, all kids are coming on Friday for a picnic tea and all kids will be coming home to our new house on the Sunday.

All included, hopefully all happy and settled

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@timeisnotaline I like your thinking!

Also I would like to mention that contrary to my typo neither my or DP’s exes are otters 😂😂😂[/quote]
I had pictured a lovely little Otter family in a Sylvanians families style.

@SimonJT yes yes, our new house is in fact Beechwood Hall

Ah yes I missed the bit about your kids being there too! Sounds like a much better plan, hope you all have a lovely time!

Don't forget first very accessible box out of your car. Packed with loo rolls, kettle, mugs, tea, coffee, milk & sugar, 2 glasses & bottle of wine. Enjoy your new home

@conduitoffortune I see what you’re saying but that wouldn’t have been his thought process, I think it’s because our moving date has fallen on his usual weekend with SCs. He’s really not cold or thoughtless, just a bit of a numpty at times but never with any malice

@CoffeeBeansGalore yes and towels!
We’ll also need tea and mugs (and maybe wine seeing as we will be kid free for 2 nights )

@SpongebobNoPants

I have no worries about our overall compatibility. I think he’s just so worried about upsetting SCs and them feeling displaced that he hasn’t logically thought through the practicalities. I’m going to have to spell it out for him I think

But it's ok for your DC to be upset? He's not considering them at all.

Tell them it's all the DC involved or none of them.

Oops just read your updates. Good compromise.

Now that's how you do it! Excellent compromise.

You packs their beds into the van last and set them up first in the new house before anything else.

If there are no acceptable alternatives, then absolutely this is the way forward. But why when you could easily just move things around. Doing you own moving is very hard work. Why make it harder?

Does he want his kids to be there when he moves in, so they move in together?

A great outcome OP. I hope it goes well for you all.

Sounds like a good plan to me. Good luck in your new home.

Oh thank fuck for your update OP, my blood pressure was rising just reading your thread!
Apart from anything else, if I were the SCs DM and found out after the fact that their weekend had been spent like this instead of safe with me and swapped for a more suitable time, I would have been raging!
All the best for your new family home, hope that’s the worst of the hiccups out the way!