DP insisting SCs are coming the weekend we move house

[SpongebobNoPants]

Bit of background info:
SC’s mum and DP are pretty flexible about changing arrangements unless they have concrete plans like weddings or nights out planned.
DP and I are completing on our new house on Friday and are moving furniture etc ourselves using a van DP can borrow from work for the weekend however that means he can’t collect the van until after 5pm, meaning we won’t even be able to start moving any beds or fridge etc until after 6pm at the earliest.

I have arranged with my ExH for him to have the DCs so I can get the furniture in, house organised a bit and get the new beds / furniture for the house assembled.

I just spoke to DP assuming he’d had the same conversation with his Ex about swapping weekends or potentially us having the next couple of weekends in a row to make up lost time so we have the opportunity to get things sorted in the new house before any of the kids are here.

I just want to move all the furniture in, assemble beds, plumb dishwasher, have the fridge etc all sorted so it’s liveable.

DP has just said he hasn’t even spoken to his Ex and hasn’t asked for flexibility or a swap which means we’ll have the kids from 5pm on Friday.

I’m fucking livid. How on earth does he think firstly that we’ll manage to move all the furniture and sort beds etc whilst looking after the SCs and secondly how is it fair for them to come to us and potentially not even have beds there?!

He said “oh we’ll manage”?! Jesus Christ he hasn’t thought this through one bit and seems more concerned with “making sure they’re not left out” even though it’s not at all practical and they wouldn’t be “left out” as my DCs won’t be there either and we’ll happily have them extra to make up for the time lost.

His Ex I know would also not have an issue with this.

It’s going to be so much harder work, we won’t have the internet for the older SC to use and no fucking assembled bedroom furniture

Your DH is being daft. Sorry OP, it sounds stressful! Good luck & I hope it goes well!!!

Ask him how he plans to ferry children to and from house whilst driving moving van? Or tell him OK, you will have to stay at old house with kids and he will have to do move by himself.
I think he's being an idiot if you have an alternative solution, particularly as your move is late in the evening.

You are completely correct. Give out to him until he phones her to swap the weekend.

I guess you are getting to see why he might be divorced, eh?

But I also wouldn't worry about putting beds together on the first night. Just put them on their mattresses on the floor.

YABU

Yanbu, making the move unnecessarily more difficult is stupid - you don't get a medal for it

These step family issues always amaze me. Yeah it might not be easy, but what do you think people who don't have an ex do? Here's a hint from this single mom...you have your kids with you and make it work.🤷

because of physicality it’ll be me looking after them while he’s doing other things.

Why? It's his grand idea to have them there, he can juggle both - hopefully he'll realise his error.

@DamnYankee how? He’s being impractical and it’ll be me that has to sort everything for the SCs as he’ll be busy. I’ve organised for my own DCs not to be there so I can sort things, it makes no sense for the SCs to be there

Obviously you need to speak to your dp again and insist he organise a swap. Otherwise make clear that he will have to do the hands on childcare which will mean everything else - plumbing etc- will have to be delayed.

Also - are you vacating a rental property? Otherwise you'll be moving your stuff out awfully late for your buyers to get in?

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter as satisfying as it would be to say “your kids, your responsibility” I can’t do that because

1. I can’t just ignore their needs as they are kids
2. If DP gets bogged down in looking after SCs then he will get a small fraction of what needs doing actually done. Which will also mean a lot of what needs doing to make it liveable won’t get done until the following weekend.

If we just postponed their visit until Tuesday for example, it would be fine. Neither child is as school so it won’t make much difference

@Pumpkintopf yes we’re leaving a rental, there’s a 2 day window to get everything out

Ah, that makes sense. In that case I still think dp organising a swap would be best but if all else failed could you sleep at the rental place that first night to then give you the whole following day to move beds and get them set up - or do you only have the van available that one night?

I refuse to move with a van ever again. Last time we moved, I paid my friends 20 year old son to help my DP as he won't pay for proper movers even though we can afford it. Is there someone like that you could pay? Then you wash your hands of the moving completely. I do pack and clean the house at the end, I just don't move anything.

I have done a move with and without my child and I can honestly say that it takes a hell of a lot less time moving without him trying to help than with him helping.

You need to tell him, that he is going to have to be responsible for his children that day and you have a shit ton of stuff to do. We have had to arrange DSS to come another weekend, when we were moving, along with getting DS into some type of club during the friday (we moved Friday through to Sunday) so we at least had that day to move the heavier and bulky furniture

1. I can’t just ignore their needs as they are kids

But it seems he can, I bet he hasn't considered half the points you've made above.

You need to ask him how he plans to move with the dc in tow? Like break it down. Is he usually not very good at foward planning? And/or he relys on you to fix it for him by doing the extra work/mental load?

How old are they?

I would stay at the rental on the Friday night, if you have the weekend to move. Your DP can start moving things to your new place eg washing machine, furniture, boxes you don’t need that night. Pizza or something similar for tea. Then beds etc go on Saturday morning.

They don’t have beds at DP’s even.
It’s not even the bed situation that’s the issue, that’s just one thing. It’ll be ten times more unnecessary hassle for me when we could just postpone their visit by 2 days.

Sorry, to be clear, old bunk beds have been sold at DP’s house and new ones have been delivered but obviously unassembled.
I’m stressing also as it is our first home together and I want to get things in some semblance of order before any of the kids come home to us.

I also think my DCs will be upset if their stepsiblings stay in the new home before them, it would be nicer to get organised and then have them all on the Sunday night for example

I think it's very fair to point out that your own children may feel left out and tell dp its all of them or none.

@Pumpkintopf thank you x

You aren't.
But you've partnered up with a man who is.
He's is being an ass.
Are you planning on having children with this man?

@DamnYankee he really isn’t an ass, more like he hasn’t thought the practicalities through fully. He’s so concerned with them “feeling pushed out”, which I’m understand, that he’s not thinking of how much harder it’ll make the process,
And no I don’t want any more children.

I am incredibly stressed about the move anyway as we’re moving two houses into one. I also want to make my own DCs settled as well as SCs and just wanted 48 hours to sort things before any of them came to our new home