Partner's child personal hygiene

[Cgd2020]

Any advice or should I just try to forget about it... When my partner and I and his now 13 year old daughter moved in together I deliberately did not take on certain tasks, one being laundry. But my partner does not do or make his daughter wash her clothes. (his mother previously did it for her). As a result her clothes smell, her room smells and it cannot be good for her body/personal hygiene. I dread to think how long she wears her underwear for. During normal school time it must be bad for whoever sits beside her in class. I have said to my partner about this but he doesn't seem bothered, should I just try to let it go?

Poor child must be feeling really unwanted

Oh! please step in Op! There will be so much going on in this poor girls head that she needs a helping hand. Why can’t you reach out and take her under your wing, buy her some girly bits and pieces, shower gels, deodorant, body sprays etc? Make her feel part of a family, at least? Do the washing together so she learns along you how to sort colours etc.
She’s going to need watching over when it’s period time, too. Perhaps give her room a little make-over (and a real good clean) before your baby arrives. How you treat this poor child (and she is still a child!) will have a huge effect on her day to day life... please don’t neglect her!

My dds boyfriend has been staying with us during lockdown as his mum was ill with Covid.
I just wash whatever is in the basket. I don't get why you or your partner don't just get on with it.

I really get the feeling OP has absolutely no desire to help this kid out. Doesn't really bode well for any future children...

You both sound awful. Poor child. I definitely wasn't washing my own clothes at 13?!
Just be kind and wash her clothes, tidy her room up & order her in some nice toiletries from body shop/lush.
I blame both of you. I can't fathom why you are having a baby with someone so useless!
Why would you sit back & watch her being neglected?

Wash the poor kids clothes and clean her room. Run her a bath and tell her to have a nice long soak and tell your partner to go to parenting classes to learn some tips how to treat a teenager. X

Really ridiculously sexist views on this thread. OP clearly stated that she expected her partner, the girl's parent, to do it, not that she expected her step daughter to do it herself. She's completely right, he is her father and he SHOULD be doing it, and if OP chooses to purposefully avoid being lumbered with the women's work the that is her prerogative. Lord knows it would hardly be surprising if her partner assumed all of that was her responsibility, given the comments on this thread. Awful to read 🙄

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP but if your SD has a laundry basket and uses it and you are doing everyone's laundry, I would just grab her stuff too. If she refuses to use a laundry basket and it's a behavioral issue, then I wouldn't and would leave it to your DP to sort out. I can't understand why your partner is dismissing it given that it's obviously a problem but that speaks volumes, you are obviously right to avoid being lumbered with all the drudgery with him. I would be concerned by his failure to step up here.

clean her room

Why should OP be expected to do that?

For god’s sake help the poor girl out, she’s 13 , if you don’t want to do her laundry ( and I really can’t see what the big deal about putting some clothes in a machine is) show the poor little kid how to do it . Your quite happy to let her go to school like this and we all know how kind other kids can be, you should be ashamed.

@aSofaNearYou where's the sexism!? OP is the one who has posted and therefore acknowledged the issues! I imagine if her DP had posted this, he'd (quite rightly) get far more backlash. Yeah, this child is not OP's but OP has chosen to live with her. It's not ok to be aware of child neglect and do fuck all about it.

asofa because it's untidy and she's not cleaning it up & nor is her Dad.
Alternatively the father could pay to get a housekeeper in. Someone needs to step up.
She's a child.

Asofanearyou.

Op is witnessing child neglect. Yes her partner is awful, this isn't a wifework issue.
Children need to be adequately fed and clean. Those are basics. Op should call out her shit partner and if he doesn't sort it, report it to SS .

This is neglect. You have a 13 year old in your care. If you are not willing to help her, you need to step up and tell her father that he must help her with the situation. This is completely unacceptable. What you are is nasty and if it were your own daughter, I doubt you would be behaving in this manner. You ought to be ashamed of yourself and her fathers behaviour. Sort it out.

converse

Not someone, her dad. Picking up laundry is one thing but cleaning someone's room is a big job, and 13 year olds should be cleaning their own room. It is NOT OPs job just because nobody else is doing it.

I wouldn't be with someone that to quote many commenters on this thread was "a bit useless" at looking after their own kids, and therefore would be expecting me to do it for them. They would need to either stop being useless, or piss off.

Op it's absolutely not your job and her father is rubbish but please just wash her clothes and make sure she is clean and well looked after.
She's a child. If you don't stop the neglect you are complicit.
She must feel so unwanted. I'm so sad for her.

where's the sexism

Please, the thread is full of people saying OP should be doing these chores herself and should also be cleaning for her and pampering her with hampers etc, and calling her every name under the sun for not jumping to do it. "Isn't that what mothers do". She has specified that she is setting up clear boundaries with her partner about what is his responsibility. He is the one not doing these things for his own kid. The comments barely mention him at all, they just go on and on about how it is OPs job. It isn't, at all.

OP has clearly already called her partner out on this issue. I would continue to do so but there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "my partner is not adequately keeping track of his daughters hygiene and I don't want it to become my responsibility by default." It should not be her responsibility.

You rotten woman!

Sofa, knowing your partner is neglecting his DC and doing nothing about it is fucked up. Don't care whether OP is male or female, kid deserves better than both of them, based on what OP says.

A sofa,

She said "should I just let it go?"

How is that calling him out on it?

The thread title says it all - 'Partner's child', not stepdaughter.
You say your partner doesn't do laundry, presumably you knew that before you all moved in together (though I wonder where he gets his clothes cleaned). Is he smelly?
Somebody's going to have to show her, kindly, how to do her own laundry. Personally I'd just do it. It's not a massive task.
When lockdown is over if the school becomes concerned about this and flag it up social services may be concerned about your ability to parent. It is neglect.
Much better to work at building a healthy relationship with your stepdaughter than fret about loading the washing machine.

Why would you continue a relationship with someone who neglects a child?

Where'd OP go?

@Cgd2020Seriously are you fucking joking?
You only need to show someone how to do it..Your teen step daughter is going to school reeking but your parenting ideology is more impotant than guiding through using the washing machine??Just done the same with my teen-it'll take 10 minutes out of yours/his busy day.You or him:Him or you..you are the adults in the house. Its like the shit you read in the news about step-parent looking the other way when the parent "forgot"to feed their children..

so you move in together but refuse to do his child's laundry alongside everyone else's. Leave now because you should never be in this relationship or any other one which includes a child. If you don't want a partner with children don't date them.